Standing out in nursing school

[UumiNurseX]

I wrote this today just to kind of vent and to see if anyone out there can understand. This is a very long post and may sound jumbled but my main point is my frustration.

Well I will start off by saying that I am different from my classmates in the sense that I am NOT a prude and I truly hate prudes. I have my reasons, which are many, for hating them but mostly because I feel it is silly to look at most things as being bad or awful or sad and feeling sad that you can't help everyone. I just really think that's stupid.

Im the type of female that is rough around the edges....I always have been and I always will be. I can give you all a good example of how I feel I stand out in that sense using a clinical experience:

---We were doing our mental health clinical rotation and a few students decided to go to the children/adolescent unit. A week later, the instructor asked them how it was and they said it was so sad and they almost cried and said it was soooo hard seeing kids as young as 8 in a place like that and blah blah blah. Well I had to chime in and tell the instructor that I really don't see what's so sad about it actually. I would rather see 6-10 year olds in here with conducts disorders and behavioral disabilities and signs of mental illness receiving help while their young than to wait until they are 14, 15, 16 years old to bring them in after they have killed their parents, killed a classmate, attempted to blow-up a school, etc. The instructor saw the logic in what I was saying but they all thought I was hard-hearted. I think it's just a pity that people are like that yet they want to be nurses. You say you HATE mental health and want to go into pediatrics but you can't stand seeing kids locked in mental facilities wow I wonder how you would be if you saw a kid seizing or gasping for air....the kid would probably die because you are in shock.

And people in mental health clinical who do not participate because they are scared of the patient. Psych nursing is my forte....its what I want to do and the people in the clinical group know that. So during each clinical I have people that cling to me if you will and follow me and my patient around instead of finding their own patient like we're supposed to and that kind of behavior makes me want to swing at them and tell them to please get the hell away from me and get your own patient. Do not follow me and my patient around. These are people not zoo animals so please stop acting like that you imbecile. But of course I can't say anything like that to someone with prudish behavior they may cry hysterically.

Another example: During lectures I just sit there and take in the information I need via note-taking and recording and each day before class I pray that the instructor will be able to get through the lecture without any of those idiots bringing up things causing the instructor to go off-topic. And BEHOLD....each day, it happens. We can NEVER get straight through a lecture without someone bringing up a movie or their hobby or medicine their kids used to take and blah blah blah. My brain is screaming, "shut the hell up". The instructor we have with a 2 hour lecture NEVER gets through all the notes and he/she would be able to if the students did not talk so much or throw their focus on other things. I feel like they don't have much respect for the people who don't get things right off the bat. I just want to say shut the hell up and let us listen. Since you all know everything don't even bother showing up for class.

I said "stand-out" but I really don't know what to call it when you're not apart of the in-crowds or cliques or whatever. I am not a mean person by any means but all the talking and socializing, I do not know why, but it irritates me badly. And because these people are sooooo highly sensitive and silly, then I know if I say something it will be taken the wrong way. It SUCKS and I mean S-U-C-K-S to have to wake up in the morning and put on a fake-face before you go to school. I couldn't be who I really am and if I were the people up there would die.

I am very serious about nursing school and with this class of people I guess that's off-putting. There were a few people who used to talk to me that no longer do and I have no idea why. I can't say that it doesn't hurt but at the same time it's like oh well.....I want to focus on my studies and if that makes me a bad person then I guess that is what I will be.

I am sick to death of being here though and I swear these people will be the reason for me leaving nursing school. I really don't care about what people think of me but the disruption of class and the poor participation in mental health clinical because you're scared of the patients or you're sad to see the kids there is just something that really and truly gets very deeply

under my skin and makes me just want to burst. I hate prudes I really do and I have asked my Higher Power for help with this matter and to help me release the hatred that I have in my heart for these people and the dread I feel when I wake up each morning knowing I have to see them. It is also strange to me because the nurses we interact with in clinical are nowhere near prude and I LOVE them so much. They are honest but at the same time caring and I have never seen a nurse baby a patient or act as if a patient's situation was so bad that they couldn't handle it. I have also never seen the nurses in med-surg clinical act with such an attitude that "all is righteous and all they do has to be righteous" and blah blah blah. Those nurses have spunk and pizazz so I don't understand why these students act that way.

I really do have a choice whether to be here or not but I feel like I have come too far to quit but at the same time I want to avoid anything that may make me burst or make me just show my true self and one of these prudes faints and dies or runs to tell the department chair. I really don't know what to do but I know how I feel. I feel like I should be here but I ask myself everyday......do I really want to do nursing so bad that I have to be around people I truly hate? My brain is just so overloaded with confusion, sadness, anger....etc.

[anonymousstudent]

Ok fine i fixed it again lol. Now delete my quote

There you go.

[UumiNurseX]

By not telling the students that follow you around aren't you, yourself, acting prudish? You know they don't want to hear you tell them to **** off so you simply let the undesirable behavior continue. You want your classmates to accept you so you can't stand up for your own belief. That my friend. is being a fake. *Reality check*

Evidently you didn't read my main post so I am going to have to make it clear to you. Follow me: During times in clinical when people are following me around (now this is Psych clinical or mental health clinical), I get highly irritated. If I say what it is I want to say things will not go over well for me because when Im irritated my tone changes. I would rather say nothing AROUND PSYCH PATIENTS

[UumiNurseX]

Fully aware what a prude is, just not sure how it applies to the things you are saying. Also if these people were so stuck up and feel they are better for anyone, why would they feel sad for people and have save the world attitudes? Seems to conflict. Like I said, I feel very sad for the children I saw. I used to be one of them and I was able to turn my life around thankfully, and it's an every day struggle.

That said,I still feel very sad for their situation and I understand the battle they are going through and will have to go through and I know 9 out of 10 times their ending won't be the same. If I could save everyone that was in a terrible situation, I would. Just how I am.

The anger just seems to radiate off your posts, and if coming here and venting helps, than great. But honestly, a little self reflection can do wonders for ones soul.

Lol Im telling you Im not mad. The only thing that honestly bothers me is how they act toward the mentally ill patients. THAT truly makes ME want to cry and I hate it so much. I don't understand why people have to perpetuate the stigma surrounding people with mental illnesses. These students go in and do not even greet the patients they just sit down and look like they are fearing for their lives and then they follow me around because I interact with the patient. I do not understand they act as if we were thrown in a lion's den or something. So if anything that's the only thing Im battling now. The way the students act toward mentally ill patients as if they are bad people and the worst people in the world.

[~Mi Vida Loca~RN, ASN, RN]

You keep saying these people don't know you, but than you keep claiming how fake they are. How do you know they are fake, how do you know they just aren't really that nice and caring. (some of them) obviously some of the others we all have in our class I bet. I also dislike the talking to elderly in baby talk.

I don't know, your posts come off very angry and actually I would say "goody goody". Something to consider.

Also, this is just a side note and trying to not say this rudely, you talked about people not reading your posts. It would be easier to read your posts if you put some paragraph breaks into them. Especially the long ones. I was having a hard time trying to follow along. So it might not be that someone wasn't reading it all the way but might have just had trouble following.

[~Mi Vida Loca~RN, ASN, RN]

Lol Im telling you Im not mad. The only thing that honestly bothers me is how they act toward the mentally ill patients. THAT truly makes ME want to cry and I hate it so much. I don't understand why people have to perpetuate the stigma surrounding people with mental illnesses. These students go in and do not even greet the patients they just sit down and look like they are fearing for their lives and then they follow me around because I interact with the patient. I do not understand they act as if we were thrown in a lion's den or something. So if anything that's the only thing Im battling now. The way the students act toward mentally ill patients as if they are bad people and the worst people in the world.

I understand that completely. It's something that irks me too. I understand mental illness. I have grown up around it as well. I have a hard time with a lot of the attitudes around some of the people in my class towards addiction or mentally ill people.

But, I try not to let it get to me too much. Most of the people I know that are like this have never had to deal with mental illness, never been around it much, don't understand it. I can't fault them for it. (although again, I do get irritated and annoyed, but than I let it go) I hear people talk about their wonderful childhoods, I don't know what that is like, I get envious I didn't have anything near a happy childhood, but I have to remind myself that I can't be angry at them for that.

[UumiNurseX]

You keep saying these people don't know you, but than you keep claiming how fake they are. How do you know they are fake, how do you know they just aren't really that nice and caring. (some of them) obviously some of the others we all have in our class I bet. I also dislike the talking to elderly in baby talk.

I don't know, your posts come off very angry and actually I would say "goody goody". Something to consider.

Also, this is just a side note and trying to not say this rudely, you talked about people not reading your posts. It would be easier to read your posts if you put some paragraph breaks into them. Especially the long ones. I was having a hard time trying to follow along. So it might not be that someone wasn't reading it all the way but might have just had trouble following.

Oh no, lol. One thing I do well is sit back quietly, observe, and listen. Oh yeah, and my recorder for lecture picks up so much. I have heard students saying really really awful things about instructors like cursing them out and stuff because of a test question or when we get put into groups its always a the same group of people who say out loud that they would rather work with people with the higher GPA and that comment was made because one of their friends who was once an honor student slipped last semester and they don't speak with her anymore and its like damn that's mean as hell and childish too to do it in front of the class! So no caring hearts don't try to humiliate people. Those are the same people in med surg clinical that swear up and down the nurses want to adopt them or something, lol.

And wow La Vida, NO ONE ever said I came off as goody-goody whoa......I always get cold-hearted or something. So that's different but no Im not mad and if you know psych then you know where Im coming from. Prior to coming to nursing school I worked in the psych setting and I loved every minute of it. I wanted to know and learn more about and I just knew the clinicals for psych would be oh so great but.......I never expected it to go the way it but we have like......I think 3 more clinicals and I will try to make the best of it. That is all I can do. But yeah at least you see where Im coming from about talking to the elder like that.....that's just disrespectful but no if you talk to them like a grown adult then it's wrong. I just can't win for losing and sometimes I HAVE to keep my mouth shut because when I say things in a different tone people get offended or hurt or something and I don't want ppl to run to the chair and I haven't quite figured out a way to say things without the irritation but for the umpteenth time, I AM WORKING ON IT, lol.

But I do know this, typing about it is helping, lol! I can feel myself simmering over here, lol. Im silly don't mind me but yeah talking about it is bringing me down and some of you guys are really right I need to brush it off and just do my work and worry about my own studies while at school. I guess I just take school really really seriously because this is my last shot and I don't see why anyone else wouldn't take nursing school serious and try to be put their best foot forward, scared or not.

[dudette10, MSN, RN]

Evidently you didn't read my main post so I am going to have to make it clear to you. Follow me: During times in clinical when people are following me around (now this is Psych clinical or mental health clinical), I get highly irritated. If I say what it is I want to say things will not go over well for me because when Im irritated my tone changes. I would rather say nothing AROUND PSYCH PATIENTS

Like others have said, anger and condescension just radiates from your posts. See bolded.

Although you claim to put on a fake face (and you have yourself convinced that it is an Oscar-winning performance), please review your own statement: "He continued to ask me all-day-long if I were alright but out of respect for the man I told him I was fine." He asked because it was obvious that something was clearly wrong in your world.

You are pretty consistent in your professed desire to do well by your patients. That is to be commended. But, clinicals are nothing like the stress associated with nursing. I somehow doubt--albeit just by your posts--that you've adequately mentally prepared yourself for the world of nursing.

As another said, some self-reflection might be in order.

When I asked you about others' opinions besides family, you then went on to state the clinical nurses' and patients' reactions to you. Do you have friends (aside from the best friend) that you've ever socialized with?

[newRNstudent02]

Nope, not going to argue with you. Your post made me laugh. Seriously, good luck getting a job. I'm sure the psych ward would love to have you

[UumiNurseX]

Like others have said, anger and condescension just radiates from your posts. See bolded.

Although you claim to put on a fake face (and you have yourself convinced that it is an Oscar-winning performance), please review your own statement: "He continued to ask me all-day-long if I were alright but out of respect for the man I told him I was fine." He asked because it was obvious that something was clearly wrong in your world.

You are pretty consistent in your professed desire to do well by your patients. That is to be commended. But, clinicals are nothing like the stress associated with nursing. I somehow doubt--albeit just by your posts--that you've adequately mentally prepared yourself for the world of nursing.

As another said, some self-reflection might be in order.

When I asked you about others' opinions besides family, you then went on to state the clinical nurses' and patients' reactions to you. Do you have friends (aside from the best friend) that you've ever socialized with?

No the instructor asked what was wrong because I was talking all day and then like I mentioned before I just stopped talking. Nothing else good was going to come out of that mouth that day but that morning I was speaking to everyone and quite cheerful. Im always cheerful before and during clinical but I hate days like that then it just messes it up for me but luckily I had already seen the patient, which was actually the best part of the day for that day, so I wasn't that way while on the unit. But Im in second semester, I agree with you I doubt Im mentally prepared right now as well because when I was working at the mental facility a few years back I only interacted with the patients and never the staff. I don't know why but it was much drama going on with the staff during that time anyway. Anywhere I worked it was always drama with the staff but never the patient's they just need you there with them so I guess I took that over with me in nursing school. As far as friends, in my lifetime oh how I have moved (as an adult). I have lived in several different cities and I have had many friends but as soon as I move it's like life gets in the way and we all lose touch.

Before moving out here I was friends with this one lady and she was heavenly, oh man I loved being around her she was like a walking party or something, she was so funny and loved baking. I can't tell you how many recipes I have just because of her. But when I moved her its like we drifted because nursing school at one point had me stressed so badly I didn't talk to anyone. She got married and actually moved to an army base with her husband and we lost touch so I have been moving alot but I have had friends. Right now though besides the one I mentioned I do not because all I do is study, study, study. I go get food and do laundry but most times its just go to school, study, laundry, study, eat, study, sleep, study, lol. Its a trend but no I had no idea about this town prior to moving here so I didn't really get a chance to socialize because as soon as classes started I had to hit the ground running.

[UumiNurseX]

Nope, not going to argue with you. Your post made me laugh. Seriously, good luck getting a job. I'm sure the psych ward would love to have you

Lmbo, you're funny as well. Your post initially made me chuckle and thanks for that. I appreciate your opinion and nice chatting with you. :)

[CuriousMe]

I'll reiterate OP, you may want to find someone at school...a counselor or someone similar...to speak with. I understand that you think stopping speaking is an appropriate way to deal with "irritation." But it's not. You're going to need to be able to get over it, I mean really get over it, not just "put on a face."

A large percentage of nursing is communication skills, not just with the patient but with co-workers as well. Right now, your fellow students are your co-workers. Just like regular co-workers, you didn't get a choice in picking them, but you have work with them. If you're not able to....then you need to get some help to figure out what you need to do differently.

[CBsMommy]

Here's just a little food for thought.

If a fellow student would kick the back of my chair, intentionally, while I was talking with a patient, I too, would be irritated. I would wrap up my conversation with the patient and ask to speak to the other classmate privately. I would professionally, and with a smile on my face, say something like, "I would appreciate it if you wouldn't kick my chair while interacting with a patient. It's very distracting and not therapeutic for the patient. Did you need to tell me something?" And if the classmate started to give me some more advice, I would simply and professionally state, "Thank you for your opinion however this is something that I am working with the instructor on".

And if you need to take a time out from there, go outside for a little break and compose yourself. I wouldn't cease to talk for the rest of the day...I wouldn't let another student affect me that much. I would be annoyed for a short time and then come home and vent on allnurses. :)

What I guess I'm trying to say is this, you cannot control the actions of your fellow classmates...you can only control your reactions. If the other students say mean things about instructors or about fellow students or continue to act fake or do whatever, you need to realize they will get their comeupance. One way or another, their actions will lead to some "learning opportunities" for them. This is nothing you need to be involved with. If you don't like your classmates, don't talk to them. End of story.

Now, I agree with dudette10 above. Your instructor is asking you how you are feeling because you are portraying your anger. I do this. Even if I smile or laugh, when I am angry, it seeps out of my pores. I can't help it. What I do, again, is take a break to compose myself. Take a few deep breaths, stretch, take a little walk in the fresh air. Realize that school is not forever, you will not have to deal with these people forever and tell yourself that you are strong enough to deal with this. I am a firm believer in putting my best face forward at clinical because your instructors are not only passing you in class, they are going to be writing your letters of recommendation for your jobs. Always keep the end goal in sight. Good luck.