I wrote this today just to kind of vent and to see if anyone out there can understand. This is a very long post and may sound jumbled but my main point is my frustration.
Well I will start off by saying that I am different from my classmates in the sense that I am NOT a prude and I truly hate prudes. I have my reasons, which are many, for hating them but mostly because I feel it is silly to look at most things as being bad or awful or sad and feeling sad that you can't help everyone. I just really think that's stupid.
Im the type of female that is rough around the edges....I always have been and I always will be. I can give you all a good example of how I feel I stand out in that sense using a clinical experience:
---We were doing our mental health clinical rotation and a few students decided to go to the children/adolescent unit. A week later, the instructor asked them how it was and they said it was so sad and they almost cried and said it was soooo hard seeing kids as young as 8 in a place like that and blah blah blah. Well I had to chime in and tell the instructor that I really don't see what's so sad about it actually. I would rather see 6-10 year olds in here with conducts disorders and behavioral disabilities and signs of mental illness receiving help while their young than to wait until they are 14, 15, 16 years old to bring them in after they have killed their parents, killed a classmate, attempted to blow-up a school, etc. The instructor saw the logic in what I was saying but they all thought I was hard-hearted. I think it's just a pity that people are like that yet they want to be nurses. You say you HATE mental health and want to go into pediatrics but you can't stand seeing kids locked in mental facilities wow I wonder how you would be if you saw a kid seizing or gasping for air....the kid would probably die because you are in shock.
And people in mental health clinical who do not participate because they are scared of the patient. Psych nursing is my forte....its what I want to do and the people in the clinical group know that. So during each clinical I have people that cling to me if you will and follow me and my patient around instead of finding their own patient like we're supposed to and that kind of behavior makes me want to swing at them and tell them to please get the hell away from me and get your own patient. Do not follow me and my patient around. These are people not zoo animals so please stop acting like that you imbecile. But of course I can't say anything like that to someone with prudish behavior they may cry hysterically.
Another example: During lectures I just sit there and take in the information I need via note-taking and recording and each day before class I pray that the instructor will be able to get through the lecture without any of those idiots bringing up things causing the instructor to go off-topic. And BEHOLD....each day, it happens. We can NEVER get straight through a lecture without someone bringing up a movie or their hobby or medicine their kids used to take and blah blah blah. My brain is screaming, "shut the hell up". The instructor we have with a 2 hour lecture NEVER gets through all the notes and he/she would be able to if the students did not talk so much or throw their focus on other things. I feel like they don't have much respect for the people who don't get things right off the bat. I just want to say shut the hell up and let us listen. Since you all know everything don't even bother showing up for class.
I said "stand-out" but I really don't know what to call it when you're not apart of the in-crowds or cliques or whatever. I am not a mean person by any means but all the talking and socializing, I do not know why, but it irritates me badly. And because these people are sooooo highly sensitive and silly, then I know if I say something it will be taken the wrong way. It SUCKS and I mean S-U-C-K-S to have to wake up in the morning and put on a fake-face before you go to school. I couldn't be who I really am and if I were the people up there would die.
I am very serious about nursing school and with this class of people I guess that's off-putting. There were a few people who used to talk to me that no longer do and I have no idea why. I can't say that it doesn't hurt but at the same time it's like oh well.....I want to focus on my studies and if that makes me a bad person then I guess that is what I will be.
I am sick to death of being here though and I swear these people will be the reason for me leaving nursing school. I really don't care about what people think of me but the disruption of class and the poor participation in mental health clinical because you're scared of the patients or you're sad to see the kids there is just something that really and truly gets very deeply
under my skin and makes me just want to burst. I hate prudes I really do and I have asked my Higher Power for help with this matter and to help me release the hatred that I have in my heart for these people and the dread I feel when I wake up each morning knowing I have to see them. It is also strange to me because the nurses we interact with in clinical are nowhere near prude and I LOVE them so much. They are honest but at the same time caring and I have never seen a nurse baby a patient or act as if a patient's situation was so bad that they couldn't handle it. I have also never seen the nurses in med-surg clinical act with such an attitude that "all is righteous and all they do has to be righteous" and blah blah blah. Those nurses have spunk and pizazz so I don't understand why these students act that way.
I really do have a choice whether to be here or not but I feel like I have come too far to quit but at the same time I want to avoid anything that may make me burst or make me just show my true self and one of these prudes faints and dies or runs to tell the department chair. I really don't know what to do but I know how I feel. I feel like I should be here but I ask myself everyday......do I really want to do nursing so bad that I have to be around people I truly hate? My brain is just so overloaded with confusion, sadness, anger....etc.
Actually, I think that it's more common than not for folks to be changed in nursing school....just part of the process.
Well I guess that's not a valid statement though because it is teaching me to become more assertive. I still have that kind of "stand back and observe" or "just keep quiet" kind of thing going but Im doing better. I told the nurse the other day I would handle her IV meds, she said, are you sure? Normally, I would say Im a bit nervous but this time....I said yes ma'am! So....it is getting better. It won't be a full personality change, but learning how to function with other people even if they don't have the right attitude will be the main thing I will need to learn and to work on. And this week of clinical has been a great week as far as that goes.
You know I haven't read through this whole thread but I feel a lot of things may be taken out of context. I feel like I can understand where you are coming from because I feel that way in my class a lot too. I just don't feel a lot of connection with the other students that are more interested in "OMG your new shoes are sooo cute and I'm so excited about my new coat thats soooo cute, I mean it's sooo cute" wait "no your new coat is more cuteeee" "no yours is" I mean I don't hate these people but thats just not me. I also understand about people "commenting" during lecture but we all have those and I blame the professors for allowing that because if I was one I wouldn't. I also don't think that not being overly foofy and over the top means that you're mean or angry, just probably a more blunt and to teh point type of person.
Wow, reading through this whole thread.....I'll make sure NOT to vent here.
I feel I'm exactly like the OP and instead of trying to help her out some of you just nit-picked everything she said and took her VENT way to seriously.
Some people gave her good constructive criticism even if they didn't agree with her and others are probably just like the people she was complaining about.
Wow, reading through this whole thread.....I'll make sure NOT to vent here.
I feel I'm exactly like the OP and instead of trying to help her out some of you just nit-picked everything she said and took her VENT way to seriously.
Some people gave her good constructive criticism even if they didn't agree with her and others are probably just like the people she was complaining about.
To the bolded.....yeah some of the people here are very silly and have the "above others" attitude. It's a bit sad but it just proves me right, lol and I don't mind it all! People like microtutor really set me straight though. So if I were you I wouldn't be afraid to vent. Yes there are lots of immature and rotten people who respond to vents and take things so personal as if they were the ones being pinpointed but then again there are some really smart and nice people here that will correct you where you're wrong without the extra commenting or destructive criticism. And if you do vent don't make yours long like mine because people don't like to read and will judge your post by half of what they read, lol! But I have thick skin so the negativity is easily ignored and mostly laughed at because it is helpful as far as the people who use a mature approach when responding but at the same time it's entertaining as far as the people who like to add extra nonsense. So it's up to you but there are some mature people here who understand and have been through things. But thank you for your observation and comment :)
Just my 2 cents... Honestly I understand what you are saying. I am the lone wolf in the program, however I do have allies. I tend to think in more logical/reasonable perspectives, and this often shows through in class. I tend to score the highest on the tests and assignments without putting as much effort in as others, and also I know i only do about 25-50% of the work other put in and still most do worst then me. They labeled me as someone who would not make it, but in the end I excelled.
There is nothing wrong with being a lone wolf, I do have allies. Especially the people in my clinical group, I take care of my few " friends" in the program, and I refuse to let them fail...
I have stood by by standing my group, I am a good orator, I can argue, and display confidence in the things you do. When everyone else is freaking out, just take a deep breath in give off he, " I GOT THIS..."
UumiNurseX
38 Posts
Well I guess that's not a valid statement though because it is teaching me to become more assertive. I still have that kind of "stand back and observe" or "just keep quiet" kind of thing going but Im doing better. I told the nurse the other day I would handle her IV meds, she said, are you sure? Normally, I would say Im a bit nervous but this time....I said yes ma'am! So....it is getting better. It won't be a full personality change, but learning how to function with other people even if they don't have the right attitude will be the main thing I will need to learn and to work on. And this week of clinical has been a great week as far as that goes.