I wrote this today just to kind of vent and to see if anyone out there can understand. This is a very long post and may sound jumbled but my main point is my frustration.
Well I will start off by saying that I am different from my classmates in the sense that I am NOT a prude and I truly hate prudes. I have my reasons, which are many, for hating them but mostly because I feel it is silly to look at most things as being bad or awful or sad and feeling sad that you can't help everyone. I just really think that's stupid.
Im the type of female that is rough around the edges....I always have been and I always will be. I can give you all a good example of how I feel I stand out in that sense using a clinical experience:
---We were doing our mental health clinical rotation and a few students decided to go to the children/adolescent unit. A week later, the instructor asked them how it was and they said it was so sad and they almost cried and said it was soooo hard seeing kids as young as 8 in a place like that and blah blah blah. Well I had to chime in and tell the instructor that I really don't see what's so sad about it actually. I would rather see 6-10 year olds in here with conducts disorders and behavioral disabilities and signs of mental illness receiving help while their young than to wait until they are 14, 15, 16 years old to bring them in after they have killed their parents, killed a classmate, attempted to blow-up a school, etc. The instructor saw the logic in what I was saying but they all thought I was hard-hearted. I think it's just a pity that people are like that yet they want to be nurses. You say you HATE mental health and want to go into pediatrics but you can't stand seeing kids locked in mental facilities wow I wonder how you would be if you saw a kid seizing or gasping for air....the kid would probably die because you are in shock.
And people in mental health clinical who do not participate because they are scared of the patient. Psych nursing is my forte....its what I want to do and the people in the clinical group know that. So during each clinical I have people that cling to me if you will and follow me and my patient around instead of finding their own patient like we're supposed to and that kind of behavior makes me want to swing at them and tell them to please get the hell away from me and get your own patient. Do not follow me and my patient around. These are people not zoo animals so please stop acting like that you imbecile. But of course I can't say anything like that to someone with prudish behavior they may cry hysterically.
Another example: During lectures I just sit there and take in the information I need via note-taking and recording and each day before class I pray that the instructor will be able to get through the lecture without any of those idiots bringing up things causing the instructor to go off-topic. And BEHOLD....each day, it happens. We can NEVER get straight through a lecture without someone bringing up a movie or their hobby or medicine their kids used to take and blah blah blah. My brain is screaming, "shut the hell up". The instructor we have with a 2 hour lecture NEVER gets through all the notes and he/she would be able to if the students did not talk so much or throw their focus on other things. I feel like they don't have much respect for the people who don't get things right off the bat. I just want to say shut the hell up and let us listen. Since you all know everything don't even bother showing up for class.
I said "stand-out" but I really don't know what to call it when you're not apart of the in-crowds or cliques or whatever. I am not a mean person by any means but all the talking and socializing, I do not know why, but it irritates me badly. And because these people are sooooo highly sensitive and silly, then I know if I say something it will be taken the wrong way. It SUCKS and I mean S-U-C-K-S to have to wake up in the morning and put on a fake-face before you go to school. I couldn't be who I really am and if I were the people up there would die.
I am very serious about nursing school and with this class of people I guess that's off-putting. There were a few people who used to talk to me that no longer do and I have no idea why. I can't say that it doesn't hurt but at the same time it's like oh well.....I want to focus on my studies and if that makes me a bad person then I guess that is what I will be.
I am sick to death of being here though and I swear these people will be the reason for me leaving nursing school. I really don't care about what people think of me but the disruption of class and the poor participation in mental health clinical because you're scared of the patients or you're sad to see the kids there is just something that really and truly gets very deeply
under my skin and makes me just want to burst. I hate prudes I really do and I have asked my Higher Power for help with this matter and to help me release the hatred that I have in my heart for these people and the dread I feel when I wake up each morning knowing I have to see them. It is also strange to me because the nurses we interact with in clinical are nowhere near prude and I LOVE them so much. They are honest but at the same time caring and I have never seen a nurse baby a patient or act as if a patient's situation was so bad that they couldn't handle it. I have also never seen the nurses in med-surg clinical act with such an attitude that "all is righteous and all they do has to be righteous" and blah blah blah. Those nurses have spunk and pizazz so I don't understand why these students act that way.
I really do have a choice whether to be here or not but I feel like I have come too far to quit but at the same time I want to avoid anything that may make me burst or make me just show my true self and one of these prudes faints and dies or runs to tell the department chair. I really don't know what to do but I know how I feel. I feel like I should be here but I ask myself everyday......do I really want to do nursing so bad that I have to be around people I truly hate? My brain is just so overloaded with confusion, sadness, anger....etc.
I can understand why some of these things annoy you. I hate it when one of my classmates clings to me in clinical out of fear. I also can't stand when people are afraid of psych patients. They have a mental illness, get over it.
If someone's following you around, then by definition that makes you a leader and there must be a reason they chose you to shadow. I always try and think of that when I'm 6 hours into a shift and starting to get really irritated.
Really though, you're letting your anger get out of control. We've all experienced what your going through and can sympathize, but you're letting it consume you. Your attitude is probably shining through to your classmates, instructors, and worst of all to your patients. There is always going to be an incredibly annoying and incompetent colleague, you might as well get used to dealing with them now.
No, no, no, lol. Im not angry I swear, lol! Im just highly irritated. I am the type of person I do tend to swear, so when I say lines like, "shut the hell up" (which is my go-to line), Im not mad at all. Sometimes I say it so bland and nonchalant. And if Im irritated it NEVER shines through. Not intentionally throwing in psych terms but, I have the flattest affect you've ever seen. Like I mentioned in my original post I am very good at putting on a face and that day in psych clinical when the girl kicked my chair for the things I said to the patient but she refused to interact with them, I was boiling but one could never tell, lol. I am very quiet and very withdrawn when feelings of irritation begin to emerge. It had my instructor concerned but he was sitting right with us on the acute unit the day it happened and he watched the other student's actions as well as mine. After we left the unit, I deemed it best not to say ANYTHING. So I said nothing and my face was as flat as a board. So Im pretty good at keeping my irritation level down while around my instructors out of complete and total respect as well as the patients. I CAN NOT afford to blow up in PSYCH clinical....oh no that would not be good, lol. But again, I wouldn't blow up but I guess because of my tone in my voice like I said, certain people may take it the wrong way. But no I can assure you Im not angry, Im frustrated as hell and the only anger I have is with myself and why Im having a hard time shaking these feelings I have. I know they are not healthy and I wish they'd just leave me! But I am working on it......I truly am.
Has more than one person (outside of school) ever said something to you about the way you come off to others?
Never. No one at the school knows me personally. These people judge according to things we learn in didactic and practice in practicum. They are seriously judging other people but yet they do nothing. I keep my social life and school very separate and my social life is very private. I have 3 sisters that say nothing is complete without me because Im the jokester (like my dad), my little brother says things are always fun when Im home, my parents always have a good laugh when Im home and together my dad and I could kill a crowd with laughter because we are jokesters. I have a non-relative friend and he's the best friend I've ever had. My cousins are all great and love including me but since Im here they really can't. But as far as school goes, those people have no idea who I am and NO ONE in school has ever approached me about the way I "come off" to them because I don't speak to them. They wait until we get into clinical when I am with my patient to try to criticize what Im doing or follow me around because they don't want to do anything. I don't see how sitting quietly in a class, listening to lecture and taking notes and not laughing at the class clowns horrible jokes could make one "come off" a certain way. Other than how I am in the class and in clinical these people do not know me.
Ok let me clear one thing up. I had NO idea so many people didn't know what a prude was so let me give you an example, lol:
A prude is by no means a compliment. A goody-two shoes, a suck-up, a student, STUDENT who will tell you that you are wrong for thinking the way you do or that your opinion is heartless and cold, your techniques of communication are too harsh and you're frightening the patient, stuff like that. And I don't mean the whole class people, lol. Im just saying the majority. As for the people that I said do not talk to me they were talking to me a few hours after I wrote my post! They just told me they'd been stressed lately and it was evident. Both girls are married and one of them hadn't been in lectures as of late and she explained she had a lot of things going so that's cleared. As far the other thing about a student trying to critique my therapeutic communication technique....for me it's like this: Im not going to talk to an elderly patient like a baby and I hate it when people do that. These are elderly people who have kids that have kids that are older than we are. So we were doing rotation for care of the elderly and my patient was an elderly man, a very nice gentleman who needed little assistance but mostly someone to talk to. This classmate came to my area and was sitting as if she were waiting for a patient to come to her, lol. She eavesdropped on our conversation and after the man went to the bathroom she goes off saying, "hey why do you talk to him like that, he's an elderly person you need to be more gentle". I said, "gentle like what? Am I supposed to say goo-goo gah-gah?" The way I addressed him....."How are you doing today sir? You can pick a spot where you want to sit and we can chat it up, tell me what brought you here, what kind of things do you like to do"? I guess its my tone because I found NOTHING wrong with what I was saying. I asked the instructor to please find something for that particular student to do because she was bothering my patient and I. It's just a trend that they are assertive in the classroom and Im more assertive in clinical....where it really counts and when we get there they try to use me as a safety net especially in Psych clinical. In med-surg clinical I have spoken up but after tomorrow, it will be known how I feel as far as Psych clinical goes. The instructor was sitting right there the last clinical when the girl kicked the back of my chair because she feels I was engaging the patient too much. This is exactly what she told the instructor.....WHILE SITTING BEHIND ME REFUSING TO TALK TO ANY PATIENTS. And we were on acute unit that day and she was scared ******** but I was talking to half the room, lol. This group I am with is sad! And I don't feel like that behavior is necessary. The patient's curse and they are gasping and clutching their heads, "oh no I can't believe she said that!" Another patient standing in front of the nurses' station arguing with the nurse about going home and she was obviously agitated and as soon as we leave the floor here they go: "Oh gawd Im glad we left she could have gotten violent and we're not safe; oh no she was sounding so upset I hope the nurse is ok; Im glad we were standing on the other side of the wall, blah blah blah!" Lol. Its all so funny to me that people are like that but at the same time it irritates me and no Im not really mad people moreso irritated but hey like I said that's just me.
You're going to have to keep looking for a word. Prude is absolutely NOT the word you need - you can't just give it a new definition:
From Miriam-Webster:
Definition of PRUDE:
: a person who is excessively or priggishly attentive to propriety or decorum; especially: a woman who shows or affects extreme modesty
Here is their example of how to correctly use this word in context:
He is too much of a prude to enjoy movies containing sex and violence.
Perhaps you just mean annoying? Or not like you? Discontinue your use of "prude" though, you are not allowed to re-assign meanings to common English words and expect it to slide.
Aside from that, I know other students can be annoying. Just do your work and move on.
By "other people" I meant someone besides your siblings, parents, cousins, and your best friend. Anyway...
No I don't have family here in this town and after classes are over I go straight home and I live alone. So on a daily basis, I go to class then go home. Then there's clinical and none of the nurses in my clinical setting have ever said anything to me. I am more than happy to help them :-) and I love their attitudes. The patient's.....never had a complaint, not once. Like I mentioned in the other posts, I love clinical and love to be around the people that I feel need me there or want someone to talk to and help them. So the answer to your question is no, lol. Anyway? Lol, no need for that the answer is simply no.
You're going to have to keep looking for a word. Prude is absolutely NOT the word you need - you can't just give it a new definition:
From Miriam-Webster:
Definition of PRUDE:
: a person who is excessively or priggishly attentive to propriety or decorum; especially: a woman who shows or affects extreme modesty
Here is their example of how to correctly use this word in context:
He is too much of a prude to enjoy movies containing sex and violence.
Perhaps you just mean annoying? Or not like you? Discontinue your use of "prude" though, you are not allowed to re-assign meanings to common English words and expect it to slide.
Aside from that, I know other students can be annoying. Just do your work and move on.
Oh the exact definition, lol. You looked it up that's cool, lol. But yeah I would say that's about right but in their case it's all fake! Are they annoying? Oh hells yes! Im not saying people need to be like me....in class, or lecture, there are plenty of other people who sit quietly and wish others would shut the hell up...oh yes not just me! But in clinical is where the major problem lies. No one needs to be like me, no one can, lol. But if they would just STOP with the goody-goody crap and put to use what we learn in class and stop running in behind people who are prepared to interact with the patients then there wouldn't be a problem and I wouldn't have a real problem with them otherwise. In class, I can do my work and move on, that's not a problem. But clinical.....well, I have already said that the instructors will know after tomorrow how I feel about the clinical group's actions towards the patients in psych clinical.
By not telling the students that follow you around aren't you, yourself, acting prudish? You know they don't want to hear you tell them to **** off so you simply let the undesirable behavior continue. You want your classmates to accept you so you can't stand up for your own belief. That my friend. is being a fake. *Reality check*
Specializes in Emergency Dept. Trauma. Pediatrics.
Ok let me clear one thing up. I had NO idea so many people didn't know what a prude was so let me give you an example, lol:
A prude is by no means a compliment. A goody-two shoes, a suck-up, a student, STUDENT who will tell you that you are wrong for thinking the way you do or that your opinion is heartless and cold, your techniques of communication are too harsh and you're frightening the patient, stuff like that. And I don't mean the whole class people, lol. Im just saying the majority. As for the people that I said do not talk to me they were talking to me a few hours after I wrote my post! They just told me they'd been stressed lately and it was evident. Both girls are married and one of them hadn't been in lectures as of late and she explained she had a lot of things going so that's cleared. As far the other thing about a student trying to critique my therapeutic communication technique....for me it's like this: Im not going to talk to an elderly patient like a baby and I hate it when people do that. These are elderly people who have kids that have kids that are older than we are. So we were doing rotation for care of the elderly and my patient was an elderly man, a very nice gentleman who needed little assistance but mostly someone to talk to. This classmate came to my area and was sitting as if she were waiting for a patient to come to her, lol. She eavesdropped on our conversation and after the man went to the bathroom she goes off saying, "hey why do you talk to him like that, he's an elderly person you need to be more gentle". I said, "gentle like what? Am I supposed to say goo-goo gah-gah?" The way I addressed him....."How are you doing today sir? You can pick a spot where you want to sit and we can chat it up, tell me what brought you here, what kind of things do you like to do"? I guess its my tone because I found NOTHING wrong with what I was saying. I asked the instructor to please find something for that particular student to do because she was bothering my patient and I. It's just a trend that they are assertive in the classroom and Im more assertive in clinical....where it really counts and when we get there they try to use me as a safety net especially in Psych clinical. In med-surg clinical I have spoken up but after tomorrow, it will be known how I feel as far as Psych clinical goes. The instructor was sitting right there the last clinical when the girl kicked the back of my chair because she feels I was engaging the patient too much. This is exactly what she told the instructor.....WHILE SITTING BEHIND ME REFUSING TO TALK TO ANY PATIENTS. And we were on acute unit that day and she was scared ******** but I was talking to half the room, lol. This group I am with is sad! And I don't feel like that behavior is necessary. The patient's curse and they are gasping and clutching their heads, "oh no I can't believe she said that!" Another patient standing in front of the nurses' station arguing with the nurse about going home and she was obviously agitated and as soon as we leave the floor here they go: "Oh gawd Im glad we left she could have gotten violent and we're not safe; oh no she was sounding so upset I hope the nurse is ok; Im glad we were standing on the other side of the wall, blah blah blah!" Lol. Its all so funny to me that people are like that but at the same time it irritates me and no Im not really mad people moreso irritated but hey like I said that's just me.
Fully aware what a prude is, just not sure how it applies to the things you are saying. Also if these people were so stuck up and feel they are better for anyone, why would they feel sad for people and have save the world attitudes? Seems to conflict. Like I said, I feel very sad for the children I saw. I used to be one of them and I was able to turn my life around thankfully, and it's an every day struggle.
That said,I still feel very sad for their situation and I understand the battle they are going through and will have to go through and I know 9 out of 10 times their ending won't be the same. If I could save everyone that was in a terrible situation, I would. Just how I am.
The anger just seems to radiate off your posts, and if coming here and venting helps, than great. But honestly, a little self reflection can do wonders for ones soul.
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UumiNurseX
38 Posts
No, no, no, lol. Im not angry I swear, lol! Im just highly irritated. I am the type of person I do tend to swear, so when I say lines like, "shut the hell up" (which is my go-to line), Im not mad at all. Sometimes I say it so bland and nonchalant. And if Im irritated it NEVER shines through. Not intentionally throwing in psych terms but, I have the flattest affect you've ever seen. Like I mentioned in my original post I am very good at putting on a face and that day in psych clinical when the girl kicked my chair for the things I said to the patient but she refused to interact with them, I was boiling but one could never tell, lol. I am very quiet and very withdrawn when feelings of irritation begin to emerge. It had my instructor concerned but he was sitting right with us on the acute unit the day it happened and he watched the other student's actions as well as mine. After we left the unit, I deemed it best not to say ANYTHING. So I said nothing and my face was as flat as a board. So Im pretty good at keeping my irritation level down while around my instructors out of complete and total respect as well as the patients. I CAN NOT afford to blow up in PSYCH clinical....oh no that would not be good, lol. But again, I wouldn't blow up but I guess because of my tone in my voice like I said, certain people may take it the wrong way. But no I can assure you Im not angry, Im frustrated as hell and the only anger I have is with myself and why Im having a hard time shaking these feelings I have. I know they are not healthy and I wish they'd just leave me! But I am working on it......I truly am.