Spouses have no idea what it takes!

[ArrowRN, BSN, RN]

I am just so fedup with my wife wanting to squeeze more time out of me, possibly at the demise of my nursing school career. In the next few weeks I got like 3 or 4 papers that are due, I started them early and I was hoping to have 2 done this weekend. But no, yesterday my wife plans a huge birthday party for our daughter, which was fine. I gave that day up and just relaxed, cooked bar-b-que and chilled out. But this morning I woke up early and started on my papers and she was like "aren't you gonna help me clean up?" I told her I gave up my whole day yesterday and she should clean up cause I'm behind on my work, she got mad and was like she needs to do this and that. I just dropped my work and started cleaning, then she was like, why am I being so thorough with trying to clean the whole place she only wanted the dishes and kitchen and stuff off the floor but I added mopping and vacuuming. I was like gsss either the house has to be clean or dirty and we got a baby and the floor needs to be mopped. Anyways she left me to it,eat breakfast, fixed the kids breakfast, did not even make a meal for me and she got dressed and went of to church.

I am just so fedup off that spouses have no idea of the stresses nursing student have to go through and they think everything is all easy strolling. During my prereqs it was the same but I admit I was all into school and cut even birthday parties out of my schedule. Now that I am in nursing school I even sit and spend time playing with the kids, I taught my daughter how to ride a bike without training wheels and I was being more balanced but the wife keeps pressuring me for more of my time that I literally do not have! She had better not make it a choice between my career and her because my career is more important, not just for me, but it will help the entire family, especially considering the fact that she does not work. I already turned in one of my paper late 2 weeks ago when I was sick and the instructor was mad and cut 20points off I might not make it. Sorry for venting but this is getting ridiculous. I'm just about ready to move to the garage or somewhere to have some peace and get my work done. Oh did I mention I have an exam tomorrow on 8 chapters?

[Lolita34]

I'm sorry you are going through this. I have been told it is difficult for family and friends to understand what nursing students go through. Hopefully things will get better. Good luck on your exam and papers.

[Trenata]

I can understand that nursing school is difficult and that you are struggling!!! If this isn't something you went into with the support and understanding of your spouse, I am not sure why it would suddenly change while in nursing school without a thorough discussion and previous understanding of how things might be during nursing school! This attitude, "She had better not make it a choice between my career and her because my career is more important" sounds to me like the crux of the problem! Perhaps that is how she feels! If I had a spouse who made me feel that way, I don't think I would be very supportive either!!! Why would I want to be???

Perhaps sitting down and talking as mature adults, you can explain that you are under a tremendous amount of pressure and sorry that you aren't as available as you need/want to be and ask for support to find a way to work this out that works for everyone. Maybe that would be more productive than expecting your wife to be supportive of you when you think school is more important than her!!!

[MommaTy]

If they aren't going through it (the program), they have no idea. Just try to explain (without getting upset) that it takes a lot of time and commitment for you to pass the program successfully. Good luck. I hope she will come to her senses and see how much you are going through. Communication is key (no one is a mind reader, would be nice though).

[NotMyProblem MSN, ASN, BSN, MSN, LPN, RN]

I had a boyfriend while I was in LPN school. By the time I took boards, I was 'single' again. I had a husband when I went to RN school. By the time I took the NCLEX-RN, I was divorced. I had another husband when I started the RN-BSN program. Guess what? Exactly! No more significant others for me until I reach the top!!!! Unfortunately, there are those who want to bask in the glory with you but want no parts of the struggles to get there....very sad.....

[TamTamRN-RRT]

Maybe I've been single for a reason lol. Hmm throughout my education, it's been tough working full time and being a single mom living on my own. I can't imagine have relationship problems on top of that. I agree that you should sit down and have a talk with her.

[Stephalump]

. Sounds like you need to leave the house. Let her know the times you've "blocked out" for school in advance and get the heck out of there.

No one can understand the time and energy required for intensive training (in anything!) unless they've been there. I don't expect my husband to get it. But I do expect him to support me like he said he would before this all began.

That means "I'm busy" means I'M BUSY. Much like "I have to go to work" means I HAVE TO GO TO WORK.

He knows the weekends before tests mean I will not be home. I may be gone from dual until dawn, so any plans he makes Shapiro include the kids or a babysitter, and I probably won't be there. He tested the waters a bit in the beginning, but overall it works for us.

[Nurse0486]

Wow!! Im just about to start nursing school in the Fall. I told my spouse and friends how hard its going to be. I have kids also, so i hope that its not that bad because i dont want them to feel left out. After reading this, i am definitely worried. I hope that i am able to handle everything.

[ChristineN, BSN, RN]

Sounds like you and your wife need to sit down and have a serious talk. Perhaps explain to her that you love her and the kids and that nursing school is your way of making sure the family has a better life. Maybe you can work out a compromise with her, such as set aside an hour a day or something for family time, but also make it clear you need time set aside everyday for studying.

Hope things work out. I was single in my RN program. I started dating my now husband shortly before I started my RN_BSN program and now I am in a MSN program. My husband has been very supportive every step of the way and understands that sometimes that my helping out with household chores, making meals, etc will lapse when I have a big paper due or an exam to study for. He has never been resentful of this, and will actually encourage me to study

[kathynurse46]

while taking prequise for nursing dr. who was teaching class said its not in time mangement plan so i used that quote learned how use time mangement skills hope helps

[Esme12, ASN, BSN, RN]

I'm sorry but she doesn't work outside the home and you are trying to better the family I think you need to sit her down and have a conversation with her about the benefits that school will bring to the family and negotiate your homework time/family time.....and that although the demands on the family might seem hard now...the benefit in the long run will far pay off her having to put in a little extra understanding and help.

I don't blame you for being frustrated...I'm a Mom and that really annoyed me. I know once I was working full time nights and picking up extra agency for something we wanted special...my children were little 1 and 2 and they are only 11 months apart.....after a particularly long day with NO sleep and having to go out that night at 2300 my husband said something to the effect of "spaghetti again".......I dumped the entire dinner in the trash and told him if my cooking wasn't good enough, the children we fed......he could feed himself.....I was going to BED! He NEVER complained about dinner again!

Just tell her how important this is to you and her and how you need her help!

I wish you the best!

[SubSippi]

I don't have kids, but I'm married and my husband expects way more time and attention from me than I want to give on most days. He tries to be understanding and he's pretty supportive, but it's impossible to really understand unless you're going through it. It's best to talk, tell her what you need from her for support, and what she expects out of you. Talk about specifics, like actual days and amounts of time you need to yourself to study, and time she thinks you should be spending with your family, or specific ways she needs more of your help around the house. It's easier to reach a compromise where both people are happy that way, because saying you'll spend "more time" with your family may mean different things to both of you!

Even if you're irritated with her, try and see things from her perspective. She may just feel underappreciated or neglected, and that never feels good, even if you have legitimate and worthwhile endeavors taking up all your free time. Or maybe approach things from a different angel. Even if it IS her turn to clean, instead of just assuming that she will, because you think she should, maybe say something like, "Would you mind taking care of (x) today? I have (x)(y) and (z) to do for school tomorrow, and I really need this time to get it done." People tend to respond much more positively when they are asked nicely to do something, as opposed to someone just assuming it's "their job."

And remind her it's only going to last a couple of years!!!