Spouses being asked to leave the room

[Indenial]

Hi

I'm not a nurse, but I'm hoping someone can clear something up for me.

I accompanied my husband to hospital several times over the past few weeks, and a couple of things have really puzzled and slightly annoyed me.

First off, we went to see a consultant, who had to examine my husband's abdomen. The consultant asked my husband to remove his shirt and lie on the bed, so my husband started taking his shirt off as he was walking to the bed. The consultant hurriedly ushered my husband towards the bed, and closed the curtain as if trying to protect my husband's privacy (from me - his wife?!). I found that a bit odd, especially as he only had to remove his shirt. Does he not think I've seen my husband's chest before?

Secondly, when my husband went into the same hospital for a procedure, the porter asked me to leave the room whilst they (four people including two females) transferred my husband from the trolley to the bed.

In both these situations it struck me as a little odd that a spouse would be asked to leave, and I felt a bit annoyed that the staff wanted to shield him from me, as if me being there would upset him somehow. When in fact he would feel no loss of dignity or privacy if I saw any part of his body at any time.

He is more comfortable with me seeing his body than anyone else in the world, especially female hospial staff. If he was going to suffer any loss of dignity, it would be from them seeing him, not me.

I should think that would be the case for most couples (except perhaps the odd vicar / nun combination).

Shouldn't the patient be asked?

All staff knew we were married, because he introduced me as his wife to all staff members who assisted him.

I realise I'm taking this way too personally, andpeople will think I'm getting upset over nothing. I've tried to put this out of my mind, but unfortunately it's not going anywhere, and I'm hoping someone can enlighten me as to the rationale behing asking spouses to leave in the situations described above. It might help me feel a bit better.

I don't want to ask the hospital, because they might think I'm neurotic and paranoid, which I am due to a couple of mental health conditions.

Thank you for reading; I hope someone can help.

[wooh, BSN, RN]

Meh, who needs constant blood flow to the brain?

[notjustanurse]

Really? Compressions stopped for HOW LONG? A few seconds? 45 minutes? Stopped completely? I was trying to get a sense of the situation. If compressions were forced to a stop for a very long time, then absolutely I understand your point IN THAT INSTANCE. But if we're talking about a few seconds, then I seriously doubt it had an actual impact on the care.

[notjustanurse]

wooh said:

Meh, who needs constant blood flow to the brain?

Nice sentiment, that even effective codes produce a perfect blood flow to all essential organs.

[Altra, BSN, RN]

Might want to see what ACLS algorithms have to say about stopping compressions other than for a pulse or rhythm check, and review physiologically the loss of brain & other tissue associated with lack of perfusion.

[psu_213, BSN, RN]

notjustanurse said:

Really? Compressions stopped for HOW LONG? A few seconds? 45 minutes? Stopped completely? I was trying to get a sense of the situation. If compressions were forced to a stop for a very long time, then absolutely I understand your point IN THAT INSTANCE. But if we're talking about a few seconds, then I seriously doubt it had an actual impact on the care.

I have a friend that is on some sort of review council at another ER. When analyzing some code that was worked in their ER, it was found that there were several short pauses in compressions that weren't called for. Someone (or several someones there) found this to be a big problem that needed to be addressed. Plus, I think there is a good reason why everything is going to CAB (rather than ABC). No, in my scenario it was not a 45 minute stop, but, hey, seconds count...

[Rose_Queen, BSN, MSN, RN]

Code situations are different than scheduled routine exams. In the code situation, the patient isn't capable of saying they want others present. Those others can interfere (and often do) with life-saving procedures. That can't really be said of the routine exam scenario, where the patient is generally in no immediate distress and is capable of making their wishes known. The issue isn't black or white, but has several shades of gray. Again, the provider and the patient need to collaborate and communicate about how they want/need things done. Both need to have flexibility.

[kids]

Good grief, if I am ever the recipient of CPR I hope my care team has the where with all to preserve what little dignity I have left and boot my family out of the room.

[Asystole RN]

\ said:

Good grief, if I am ever the recipient of CPR I hope my care team has the where with all to preserve what little dignity I have left and boot my family out of the room.

LOL, we invite family into the codes to observe.

[Kooky Korky, BSN, RN]

Indenial said:

Thank you very much for all your replies!

My husband suggested that perhaps it was a space issue, or that the staff don't necessarily know the state or dynamics of our relationship. It seems he was right!

He was sedated (but conscious) at the time of the transfer to the bed, and didn't think of asking if I could stay. He said he will try to remember next time, if the situation arises again (hopefully it won't!).

I must point out that the consultant was fine with me being present for the consultation. I was actively involved in the consultation, because my husband was in pain, and so was not able to give a full account of his symptoms on his own. It was just the examination part where the consultant protected his privacy.

Also, I fully appreciate the need for visitors such as parents and siblings to leave the room. I certainly wouldn't be comfortable with them seeing my body. I just thought it was taken as normal that a partner or spouse would not present any dignity or privacy issues. I would feel uncomfortable if I was in hospital and body parts were exposed, but that would be because of the Dr or nurse seeing me, not my husband (if he was in the room).

I suppose everyone is different though, and I understand that what seems normal to me, is not necessarily the case for everyone, and medical staff have to be cautious.

Thank you for clarifying this for me.

I think plenty of married couples or those couples who live together or are intimate might still have trouble letting their loved one see them nude, helpless, or with dressings, drains, and the like. Can you imagine having your urine visible to the world? Or you with a tube dangling out of your nose? Or being unable to talk because there's a tube in your windpipe? And so forth. I think there are lots of women in the world who wish they'd never let their husbands see them giving birth. For some men, this is a destroyer of sensuality and the couple's love life has never recovered. Maybe sad but I think this is true.

There are a lot of very good reason cited by other responders and I agree. But please don't feel that you are wrong to have wondered or to have been a little peeved. Hopefully, you do understand better now. I hope you and your husband are both doing well.

[wooh, BSN, RN]

Kooky Korky said:

I think plenty of married couples or those couples who live together or are intimate might still have trouble letting their loved one see them nude, helpless, or with dressings, drains, and the like.

I was just thinking, my husband gets very irritated if I accidently open the bathroom door when he's on the toilet or in front of it peeing. I generally don't care about that, but I don't want him in the bathroom if I'm doing some "intimate" care on myself.

Even married people need SOME privacy. ?

[Stephalump]

When my 10 month old son needed to be Intubated, I was kicked out of the room. Granted, I was a bit of a mess, but it wasn't like I was going to jump on the bed and try to shove the tube in myself. I wasn't particularly upset about it in the long run, but it made me wonder what kind of crazy moms they seem to be guarding against.

[Asystole RN]

\ said:

When my 10 month old son needed to be Intubated, I was kicked out of the room. Granted, I was a bit of a mess, but it wasn't like I was going to jump on the bed and try to shove the tube in myself. I wasn't particularly upset about it in the long run, but it made me wonder what kind of crazy moms they seem to be guarding against.

You have no idea...