sorry, i have to vent, I am losing my MIND!!!

[sherichance]

I apologize but it seems like the only people who can understand the stress I am under is on this site. I cant even really talk to my best friend because she is not in the same boat as me.

I am a pre-nursing student and trying to get a psychology degree too. So my work load is enough for 5 people. My husband is in the military and deployed over half of the year, I have a 4 year old son that I am basically raising on my own. We are moving into a bigger place next week and its not making me feel any better.

I get home and see pasy due notices for the car insurance and they are talking about cancelling. I just dished out $200 for daycare for my son for the month. We owe rent at the place we are at now and rent for the new place we are going. There is no money left!!

Now here is the worst part. My husband is an idiot in my eyes anymore. Such a computer geek, book geek and sci fi geek. He has to buy every star wars book, rent xbox games and buy every sci fi dvd that comes out. I give him a little leeway to buy a book every pay day. Those wind up being $50 and I yell at him and he says he wont do it again, WHATEVER. He has found a new fascination on ITunes downloading videos and stuff, $50 each time.

Here I am, unable to pay the car insurance, daycare and rent without going bankrupt. I am getting to the point that I yell at him everyday, am I over reacting? I want to tell him to grow up, he will be 29 this year, and quit spending money like a kid!! I am at the point that I am starting to think that I hate him. I go to school all day, yes he is in the military and works hard, but leaving dishes in the sink when I ASK him to do them is just killing me. He wont do anything to help out. I actually enjoy it when he deploys because I can save money and not deal with his ****!!

We did our taxes and got $3600 back. That money is ALL GONE!!! Oh I wonder where it went. I am at my witts end. I am sure he thinks I am psycho for yelling at him because of the lack of money and the spending. I cant even afford to get myself a new bra that just ripped.

What should I do? I am at the point that I just want to leave him, AGAIN and tell him to kiss my butt.

Sorry for the vent but I am so pissed off. Phew.. Thats enough for now. :angryfire

[Cheyenne RN,BSHS]

i apologize but it seems like the only people who can

sorry for the vent but i am so pissed off. phew.. thats enough for now. :angryfire

((((((((sherichance)))))))))

this hug is for you and ... whew! you deserve it!

i remember my nursing school days when my daughter was just a little bitty thing and my ex was all into himself and not into "wasting money going to school."

whatever you decide, i wish you the best. it is hard to be a student and mother and wife all at the same time. you tend to get lost being a "person".

try to take time for yourself and relax, walk in the park or just go sit by a lake. some down time just finding peace and quiet does wonders to help heal the soul and a broken spirit. .

[whiskeygirl, LPN]

I went through the exact same thing! SOME guys are total twits! I am not sure how anyone can think that his spending like that while you are being as frugal as possible, is ok. Mine was a computer geek, comic book collector and loved his fast food.

Alright so some of my stress was nursing school too.

Yep, I did what others have suggested and handed all the bills to him. He was then responsible for shopping, paying the sitters and everything. I just handed him my paycheck. The end result was he trashed my good credit and when he died I had no idea of what bills needed to be paid or what the status of anything was. Almost 7 years later and still not everything is fixed.

What I did was to pay utilities last! I paid the things that had high interest rates or would ding my credit first, from there I paid the rent, food, babysitter.

Nursing school alone is plenty stressful! Add to that your psych classes, moving, then sprinkle in a 4 year old and a grown man acting like a 4 year old! I personally can't stand to owe anyone anything! So its the finances that pushed me over the edge.

I don't recomend divorcing him, nursing school is not the time for a drastic decision, unless you are being abused.

Create a spread sheet of all your debts and expences, have him compare that to how much you both bring in every month. Ask him what he thinks can be changed to fix the situation. Let him know you are not comfortable with how the finances are and that something has to change.

[casualjim]

First off. Hang in there. I dont know how long you've been a military wife, but you have resources available to you that many others do not. I'm a retired Navy Senior Chief. I just got out last August, so I know that what I'm about to tell you is still valid. From your location, I'm guessing that you're either Navy or Army. It really does not matter, every unit, in every branch of the armed forces of the United States has a senior enlisted advisor. In the Navy it's the Command Master Chief. In the Army it would be the Command Sargeant Major( or possibly First Sargeant depending on the size of the unit) you have access to him (or her) if your husband is not meeting his responsibilities to you and your child. Your husband receives pay allowances for housing, and subsistance. Those allowances are for you and your child as well. Mis use of those funds is not tolerated. Period. If you are receiving notices from lenders and utilities, your husbands unit will have a command financial specialist. This person is trained to counsel the two of you on tactics for succesfull budgeting, and if necessary they have means of obtaining a little relief or even forgivness from certain lenders. You have (more than likely) Tricare medical. This time when I say you, I actually mean you. You can call the number on your tricare card ( if you dont have one call your husbands command IMMEDIATELY) for your primary care provider. Tell them that you desire a referral for marriage counseling. Depending on your level of tricare coverage, this will either be free of charge or cost you $5.00 (five) dollars to $20.00 (twenty) per session in co-pay. As someone else mentioned, do not make any life changeing decistions with out first doing this.

As far as your education goes, you know what you can and cant handle. You've got time. I'd probably take a little off of my plate right now if I were you. That's just me though. Remember it's like eating an elephant. Eating an elephant seems like a pretty daunting task, until you start looking at it as just one bite at a time.

one bite at a time. Good luck

aloha

Jim

[Red Dahlia]

I just got out of a relationship with a man exactly like that. It's tough because you can't make another person grow up. And at 29 he should be grown up already. I don't think putting the bills in front of him will work because he is ignoring the reality of your situation already. I also don't think it is healthy for you to be taking all the responsibility in the relationship. Ask yourself what would happen if you didn't do the dishes in the sink? He would eventually have to do without dishes. He spends $50 on downloads, you have him eat balogna sandwiches for dinner all week. I think the problem is that he knows he can get away with doing those things because you will make sure things are O.K. Well don't. It might be rough for a while, and letting go a little bit might seem scarey, but maybe it will help him wake up and take a little responsibility. You are not his mother, you are his partner. And don't let him make you crazy. Life is too short.

[Gabie Baby]

Well, let's see.

First, try to talk to him calmly and openly. I doubt he'll see the light but you will at least have tried.

Next, resign yourself to either splitting up or counting him as another child. I'm being for real. He's childish and you are helping him be that way.

Separate your income, if any, from his ability to access it. His $50 purchases have got to stop. Let him go to a library or form a sharegroup with people who want to swap games, etc. For free. Let him complain, let him groan and crab. But don't let him have the money reins again, ever. He doesn't sound like he can handle deadlines and dollars.

Lots of people have this problem but you've got to get on top of it or he'll drag you down with him.

I wish you the best. Do seek money from the Federal Nurse Traineeship fund and from other scholarships. Do check out military benefits, the free ones.

I hope your kids are doing well.

[tankandroxy]

Hey my husband's in the military also. We had the same problem with him spending rediculous amounts of money. This is what we did. I took all his credit cards and debit cards. The bank that he gets his direct deposit to, he opened his own account, he had his own checks and debit card for that account. So his paycheck would come to the family account, then I would transfer a set amount of money to that account each pay check, and with that money he would have to pay for his gas, then he could spend the rest however he wanted, he could burn it, I couldn't ask him about it. So he would be on an allowance. It has worked wonders for our marriage. I used to stay up at night worrying and fuming about money, not anymore. He's learned so much in that time that he now has all his credit and other debit cards back and he acts very responsibily with them.

Also, like other's suggested, maybe cut back on school. That would help your stress level, and it would save you some money on daycare. Hope this helps.

[Tweety, BSN, RN]

Good luck.

Yep, he needs to grow up and pay the bills first before buying toys.

And you need a more mature approach other than the daily yelling, as that isn't effective communication and isn't working either. Plus you might relax about a few dirty dishes (although it's probably not the dirty dish, but what it represents).

I think some intervention by a third party, be it a financial planner who can put you on a strict budget or a marriage counselor is in order. (Like you have time for this). Many of those services are free or charge a sliding scale.

Good luck. I'm sorry on top of the stress of being a mom and going to school more than full time you've got this added stress.

[HARRN2b]

I am in the same boat! My husband is almost 50 and they do not change. I have begged, cried, pleaded with him to stop his spending and he will not. He has no savings, retirement, ect..all because of his spending. His mother is an enabler. If I tell him not to spend. She tells him to do it because he works hard. Or she will go buy the stupid stuff for him. She buys him about 3 cakes or pies a week. She buys him pizza all the time because I have a fit when he spends $50 to order out. I think they both have issues and I am outta here when school is done!!!!

[mediatix8]

Why are you majoring in psychology AND prenursing? If you want to be a psych nurse... you do not have to get both degrees. There's a nursing crises most everywhere in the US and it is easy to get into almost any field besides OB and surgery. I have to ask because I got a degree in psych and went into nursing because I couldn't get a job paying over $12 an hour. (Also for others reasons- because I wanted to help people, enjoyed science, etc.).

I wouldn't give him all of my money and let him pay for all the bills. I wouln't yell at him anymore, either. I would go to counseling.

[mediatix8]

By the way... I make 28.50 an hour working the night shift now as an RN with 1 year experience so it really beats the kind of job I would have as a psych major. Not that I'm all about money or anything but if I had financial problems I would choose nursing over psych in your situation.

[PeachPie]

Disconnect the high speed internet and replace it with dial-up.

[sandey37]

i beleive in prayer, maybe some prayer and counseling will do you some good before you get a nerve breakdown