sorry, i have to vent, I am losing my MIND!!!

vloho · Apr 6, 2006

Put it all in front of him very neatly all the bills cliped to the envlopes ,stamps, the check book adding machine so he can see it all in print before hie eyes . on paper not a computer so he can't press the Esc button see if that helps

SBTLAWREN · Apr 6, 2006

If you feel you can do better without him and that he holding you back, do what you gotta do. On the other hand, there are somethings that husbands do that can drive us wifes crazy, but I have come to accept mines weeknesses. Ask yourself a these questions when you are calm

1) Does he support you in everything you do?

2) Does he respect you?

3) Is he a good Father?

4) Do you love him?

There are probably many other questions I could pose, but I guess my point is, when life is hard and situations are tough, once you get through them, it cam make you a stronger couple. My husband is bad with money , but has improved. I went from making $37,000 a year as mananger to being in nursing school, so he has had to step it up, he does not pick up after himself, does not do the dishes, refuses to walk the dog , etc etc, but I can deal with it and love him in spite of it. That is just the way he is.

Do you hate him or what he does, there is a difference. Maybe you guys could go to counseling.

I wish u all the best!!!! :mad:

P_RN, ADN, RN · Apr 6, 2006

You sound stressed beyond belief.

First off I'd urge counseling before making any life changing moves.

He's military, do you qualify for base housing, daycare, financial advisors?

A list of tasks like you'd leave a 5 year old might give him an idea of what needs doing. For example my hubby does ALL the laundry. I do ALL the cooking and we both do the sweeping, dusting etc and mopping. Heavy duty repairs he does, simple stuff like light bulbs, shelving paper etc I do.

He does the bills, I make out the list in order of need to pay.

A flow sheet on the fridge of how much "extra" money is needed: groceries $______ daycare______ insurance_____ and so on.

Even budget entertainment down to popcorn and a dvd a week.

If he wants to blow money on games please don't try to outdo his spending.

I will hate myself for even saying this, but you may have to cut back on your schooling and concentrate on one degree at a time. Do you have signigficant income yourself?

I wish you all the best.

Liddle Noodnik · Apr 6, 2006

What should I do? I am at the point that I just want to leave him, AGAIN and tell him to kiss my butt.
Sorry for the vent but I am so pissed off. Phew.. Thats enough for now. :angryfire

It could just be that you are on TILT what with nursing AND psych - even a single person with no kids or hubby would find that stressful. And with him probably never seeing you or having you available, he is making up for it by buying "toys" - well just a thought. Anyway - I know you have NO spare time - but I think a weekend away to relax and be together would really loosen up the pressure on both ends.

Meanwhile, are you guys getting to hang out with your kid?

Sounds like an almost impossible situation withOUT the emotional baggage too! So a little pressure relief will help! and venting is of course ESSENTIAL - if you can't talk with a girlfriend "live" this site helps!

You may want to consider just for NOW backing off on one of your majors? One or even all three of you sound like you are gonna BURST. If you are going to make a decision to leave, you don't want to make it under so much pressure - cuz how are you to know which thing is making you cross-eyed?

Hang in - k?

{{{{{{{{{{{{Sherichance}}}}}}}}}}

firstaiddave907 · Apr 6, 2006

I hope everything works out for you. i like your idea Vloho .

Bumashes, MSN, APRN, NP · Apr 6, 2006

Was in the same boat myself not even a year ago. Except my husband was 24, and he would gamble. Not very much, just $100-$400 every now and then. Compared to some people gambling away thousands, I know this doesn't seem like much, but to us it was. He was a bartender and I worked part-time and went to school full time. We made pretty good money, but we spent more in credit than we made. After a while, I made him take control of doing the bills instead of me so that he would have first hand knowledge of the crappy state our finances were in. He cleaned up his act pretty quick then, but we still ended up filing for bankruptcy. If you have to do that, don't worry, it's not so bad. Although, we filed before they added that new law, so it may be a little more of a pain in the ass. Hnag in there. It's all temporary. And maybe get some counseling.

smk1, LPN · Apr 6, 2006

counseling first and foremost for your mental health. Your life has far too much stress right now, and i could feel my blood pressure going up just reading all of the stressors in your post. Who takes care of the money? will your husband allow you to keep all of the checkbooks, debit/credit cards etc...? If so you can give him an agreed upon monthly amount out of the budget and you can take care of paying the bills. Also have a big garage sale and sell a bunch of unwanted. unused stuff. Our last garage sale netted us 400 dollars and it really wasn't a whole lot of big ticket items. Do you have old baby clothes/toys/books/equipment lying around? if you don't do a garage sale, then call around to local resale shops and see if they would buy or consign them for you. Also is it imperative that you guys move right this instant? Can you hold off or are you already obligated? does your school have a "worksource" department or emergency student need department? talk to your counselor at school and go into financial aid. look into scholarships. As a military wife you may have more scholarships available to you than most, and spring is the time to apply! Finally you need to get your thoughts, complaints and feelings in order and then calmly (if you can) have it out with your husband. You guys are a team and your boat is sinking and with only one person bailing out, you are going under. ry to make him realize that by showing him the bills, the income, and the changes that are going to have to be made, because as a 1st quarter nursing student i can tell you that you are only going to get MORE busy and stressed by the work load. You have to try to get organized now. good luck!

mandrews · Apr 6, 2006

I apologize but it seems like the only people who can understand the stress I am under is on this site. I cant even really talk to my best friend because she is not in the same boat as me.
I am a pre-nursing student and trying to get a psychology degree too. So my work load is enough for 5 people. My husband is in the military and deployed over half of the year, I have a 4 year old son that I am basically raising on my own. We are moving into a bigger place next week and its not making me feel any better.
I get home and see pasy due notices for the car insurance and they are talking about cancelling. I just dished out $200 for daycare for my son for the month. We owe rent at the place we are at now and rent for the new place we are going. There is no money left!!
Now here is the worst part. My husband is an idiot in my eyes anymore. Such a computer geek, book geek and sci fi geek. He has to buy every star wars book, rent xbox games and buy every sci fi dvd that comes out. I give him a little leeway to buy a book every pay day. Those wind up being $50 and I yell at him and he says he wont do it again, WHATEVER. He has found a new fascination on ITunes downloading videos and stuff, $50 each time.
Here I am, unable to pay the car insurance, daycare and rent without going bankrupt. I am getting to the point that I yell at him everyday, am I over reacting? I want to tell him to grow up, he will be 29 this year, and quit spending money like a kid!! I am at the point that I am starting to think that I hate him. I go to school all day, yes he is in the military and works hard, but leaving dishes in the sink when I ASK him to do them is just killing me. He wont do anything to help out. I actually enjoy it when he deploys because I can save money and not deal with his ****!!
We did our taxes and got $3600 back. That money is ALL GONE!!! Oh I wonder where it went. I am at my witts end. I am sure he thinks I am psycho for yelling at him because of the lack of money and the spending. I cant even afford to get myself a new bra that just ripped.
What should I do? I am at the point that I just want to leave him, AGAIN and tell him to kiss my butt.
Sorry for the vent but I am so pissed off. Phew.. Thats enough for now. :angryfire

Have you checked into childcare vouchers? They could save you 200.00 a month. I think we all feel a little homicidal when we are in school. Only others in the profession can understand how stressful and frustrating nursing school is.

I would put him in charge of paying the bills (unless he is deployed). Being in the military does he understand how much trouble he can get into if he doesn't pay his bills? It might do him some good if his commander had to bust his chops for not taking care of his financial responsibilitys. He would have to listen to what they say and they will make sure he follows through.

jillyk*rn · Apr 7, 2006

hi,

i am sorry that you are under so much stress right now.

it seems that yelling at dh hasn't curbed his spending habit, so have him pay the bills. don't jump in and help. give it all to him. it might take a couple of months for him to catch on that there is no money...but he will.

good luck and hugs!!

BadBird, BSN, RN · Apr 7, 2006

Many years ago I was in your shoes, only my ex did not work !!! The best thing I did for myself and kids was divorce him, I never regretted it. My only regret was trying to hold on to a failing marriage. I wish you luck, only you know how much s$$t you will tolerate.

carolinapooh, BSN, RN · Apr 7, 2006

I was in the Air Force. In fact, I was a military working dog handler!

GO TO YOUR FAMILY SERVICES OFFICE. That is what they are there for. Talk to a financial counselor - it's free, confidential and does not go on your bureau.

Then, when your husband comes back from his deployment, sit down with him, show him the problems, and remind him that should the problems get out of hand, the military can and will deal with them. But they'd rather help you first. Sometimes we all get in a bit over our heads, or we know things are getting messy but we can't deal with them.

I highly recommend you put in for base housing. That will get rid of a huge chunk of bills right there - no power, no water, no rent. Some places even include basic cable (since without it you'd have no television). Base housing is NOT the dump it used to be. Trust me - I was raised military so I know the difference. It's also probably the last neighborhood left where you can actually let your kids walk to their friends' house and not have to worry.

Hang in there. I feel sure it will get better.