Some people should just stay quiet!!!

Gluteus Maximus · Nov 24, 2010

She looked at my badge clip (a breast cancer ribbon) and told me that I needed to get a new one. I explained that I have a soft spot for breast cancer because my mother is a survivor and two of my aunts had lost their battles from it. Well, this lovely woman was quick to tell me, "Well, there are other types of cancer. Don't you think it insensitive to support only breast cancer?" I was at a loss for words and there was a period of silence before she said, "We have breast cancer in our family too, but I don't ever wear those pink ribbons."
I left the discussion at that because I was ready to let this lady have an earful. Little does she know that I am a volunteer for the American Cancer Society and Leukemia and Lymphoma Society and participate in several cancer walks throughout the year. I just happen to have chose a breast cancer badge holder for the reason mentioned above. Thank goodness I didn't wear one of my pink ribbon jackets today!
However, I have never in my life received a complaint about a badge holder, and I taked care of mostely blood cancer patients. I am very appalled that someone had the audacity to comment on this in the first place and to then go on an on about it. Some people should just stay quiet and keep their opinions to themselves. I don't care if it's a patient or family member!

No offense but you sound quite young. I'm trying to envision getting upset over such a small thing and quite honestly, I can't do it.

Your first mistake started with sharing far too much personal information with the patient's daughter. Was talking about your mother and two aunts necessary for a therapeutic nurse-patient relationship? No. You crossed the boundaries which set off the confrontational tone of that discussion.

By the way it doesn't sound like you "received a complaint." She made a frivolous comment and you didn't like it so reacted defensively. Next time, learn from your mistake and remember you are there in a professional capacity not for idle chit chat. Learn to deflect those superficial comments; once she started talking about something that had nothing to do with her mother's care (your badge) you weren't required to reply at all. This talent will likely come with more exposure and more maturity.

happy2learn · Nov 24, 2010

Whoa! I can't believe she said that. How rude! I would've expected her to eat her words once you told her about your family history too. How insensitive. Geez. Sorry you had to hear that. Support what you want, it's your choice and a good one at that. I would rather wear one ribbon than none.

CaLLaCoDe, BSN, RN · Nov 25, 2010

Sounds like she was trying to be argumentative to get your goat. But, she does have a point, why should there be more attention given to one form of cancer versus another form of cancer? I suppose, since this daughter is the primary care partner for her mother, she was looking for a little amusement at your expense.

BacktoBasics · Nov 25, 2010

You could have just said, "Well it's the only one they make". Which is true, and convo would have been over. You'll come into bigger battles to get upset about, especially with a family member, than this. Just brush it off.

Fiona59 · Nov 25, 2010

If they made a colo-rectal, lung, or prostate holder, I'd be all over them.

The last time I saw anything different it was a blue plastic bracelet for prostate cancer and my son was wearing it.

Let it slide.

EZsmom · Nov 25, 2010

Therapeutic nurse relationship---bahh!! That lady was being rude!! And sometimes patients enjoy hearing personal stories and appreciate them!!!!

brownbook · Nov 25, 2010

You had a concerned daughter, worried about her mother. You are the professional, the daughter is a worried, concerned, lay person. The daughter wants to complain, vent, pick silly things to fuss about, let her. It may be her way of coping. You really should just let it go, pass it off as a loving daughter's concern and way of handling her worries about her mother.

Honestly it was no personal reflection on you or breast cancer support.

It seems to be a very common human reaction to problems, to focus on something very minor to the whole situation. I know I do it??? Really kind of interesting to think about the psychology of why we do it?

(I have a ton of crazy stressful things I am dealing with right now so what do I do? Go to All Nurses and pick interesting topics to reply to!!!!!!!)

caroladybelle, BSN, RN · Nov 25, 2010

I don't wear "ribbons". at all.

As a cancer survivor and someone that has had testing done that indicates a very serious propensity for developing more in my lifetime, and as a certified oncology nurse, I am quite concerned about cancer and research.

But I have learned to never mention that I detest the whole Pink = Breast Cancer support and ribbon things, or the rubber arm bands. I think pink is way too wimpy, and I get really tired of there being sooo much emphasis on buying this stuff and so little fostering actual changes in behavior that would actually save lives. I sat in a meeting with women with all this pink stuff - some were smoking, many were overweight, and few had had a recent mammogram.

People have this weird thing that if you don't want to where one, you are "bad" somehow.

I have declined to buy this stuff from fellow nurses who didn't "know", just to get the, "I GUESS YOU JUST DON'T CARE ABOUT CANCER OR HAVEN'T DEALT WITH IT IN YOUR FAMILY" - said with the narrowed eyes and nose in the air.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Bulldust!!!!!!!!!!!

I come from the tribe of breastless women and scarred chests, of missing colons, and skin scars. Don't tell me I don't care because I do not litter my chest with a symbol of every single disorder that has a scary prognosis.

KarmaWiseRaven · Nov 25, 2010

Hmm Well this is where i lack Tact Yes Folks Tact. I would of said the day they make other badges for the different types of cancers i will glad to wear one until that time i think i will sick with this one. And never never share personal information with someone. They can use it against you. And she was i think from what i read was indeed trying to get under your skin. Sick parent or not you have to watch for those types of people Because those are the types of people who write reports to the higher ups and have been known to stretch the truth in their favor.

Even if you try to bend over backwards for them and their family it's never enough so please please watch your back. I have seen to many good nurses go down in flames because of people like that. If the daughter wants to complain, vent, pick silly things to fuss about, Tell your supervisor what is happening best not get in to the cross fire. Also best to walk away and get someone to help you.

Or suggest maybe she speaks to someone Friend, Family, Priest, Shrink, Like i said i lack Tact and i know you have to have some in nursing and I'm working on it really I am that's why i try to keep away for people like that or i have someone with me while dealing with a person like that. So if something is said i have someone who can say Nope didn't happen i was there the whole time.

These are my thoughts use them as you wish or just say Karma shut the **** up lol

GoodNP · Nov 25, 2010

Hi stephRN08, I like your name

I applaud your support of your mom and aunts, and I don't believe you have necessarily done anything wrong. I also don't think you were wrong to share that information with your patient. We are human beings after all, not robots.

However, since you work oncology you probably already know this, but there are a lot of people who feel jaded about breast cancer awareness and how pink is basically everywhere. At first I thought they were just being hyper-sensitive and needed to stop taking things so personally. But the more I read their arguments, the more I have begun to realize that they kind of have a point.

Nothing personal against breast cancer, or the people affected, but it seems that all other cancers have been overshadowed by its enormous influence. No other type of cancer is granted as much funding for research as breast. Prostate cancer receives half the funding. That sends the message that "your particular brand of cancer isn't as important." One could see where a patient with "non-breast" cancer might feel like they have taken the back seat.

As tragic as it is, your expression of support for some may be hurtful to others. Whether it is justified or not, I think if you are going to continue to wear your pink ribbon, you should prepare yourself for this type of reception (even if the person never speaks up about it) and try to respond with empathy and compassion. Or else, maybe reconsider wearing it at work in front of other cancer patients?

caroladybelle, BSN, RN · Nov 25, 2010

There actually are ribbons for many of the others and they are available, just not as well known.