Before she went through menopause, my wife Belinda, a medical nurse, was an eternal optimist who naively trusted others to the Nth degree. She would often say to me about another's aberrant behavior, "I don't understand why they do that!"
Maybe it's menopause, or perhaps it's because she's been living with me for nearly 15 years, but Belinda is now more of a realist. I don't think she understands aberrant behavior any more than she did before, it's just that such behaviors don't surprise her as much.
Understanding rationale for behavior can give us a sense of security. Labeling others, fitting them into a pigeonhole and knowing what behaviors to expect can prepare us for what may come. “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time" is an ingenious truism credited to Maya Angelou.
Some staff were discussing the antics of a particular nurse when one asked, "Why does she do that?" Without much thought, I replied, "Because that's the way she wired- she's sociopathic".
I thought that there was a chance that I didn't know what I was talking about, so I did a little research and these are some convincing traits that I found from https://www.mcafee.cc/Bin/sb.html that supported my perception:
"Glibness and Superficial Charm Manipulative and Conning They never recognize the rights of others and see their self-serving behaviors as permissible. They appear to be charming, yet are covertly hostile and domineering, seeing their victim as merely an instrument to be used. They may dominate and humiliate their victims. Grandiose Sense of Self Feels entitled to certain things as "their right." Pathological Lying Has no problem lying coolly and easily and it is almost impossible for them to be truthful on a consistent basis. Can create, and get caught up in, a complex belief about their own powers and abilities. Extremely convincing and even able to pass lie detector tests. Lack of Remorse, Shame or Guilt A deep seated rage, which is split off and repressed, is at their core. Does not see others around them as people, but only as targets and opportunities. Instead of friends, they have victims and accomplices who end up as victims. The end always justifies the means and they let nothing stand in their way. Shallow Emotions When they show what seems to be warmth, joy, love and compassion it is more feigned than experienced and serves an ulterior motive. Outraged by insignificant matters, yet remaining unmoved and cold by what would upset a normal person. Since they are not genuine, neither are their promises. Need for Stimulation Living on the edge. Verbal outbursts and physical punishments are normal. Promiscuity and gambling are common. Callousness/Lack of Empathy Unable to empathize with the pain of their victims, having only contempt for others' feelings of distress and readily taking advantage of them.Poor Behavioral Controls/Impulsive Nature Rage and abuse, alternating with small expressions of love and approval produce an addictive cycle for abuser and abused, as well as creating hopelessness in the victim. Believe they are all-powerful, all-knowing, entitled to every wish, no sense of personal boundaries, no concern for their impact on others."
They're out there, so keep your trash cans covered!
Specializes in Psych (25 years), Medical (15 years).
1 hour ago, J.B.Chan said:
Sociopaths are definitely out there and quite easy to spot once their mask slips. You'll know what I mean when you cross paths with one.
On 2/16/2020 at 12:52 AM, Davey Do said:
Some staff were discussing the antics of a particular nurse when one asked, "Why does she do that?" Without much thought, I replied, "Because that's the way she wired- she's sociopathic".
1 hour ago, J.B.Chan said:
Beware, is all that I can say.
On 2/16/2020 at 12:52 AM, Davey Do said:
They're out there, so keep your trash cans covered!
Specializes in Psych (25 years), Medical (15 years).
From "Beware of Narcissists Giving Gifts: Strings Are Attached" by Suzanne Degges-White Ph.D.
"You don’t get expensive gifts from a narcissist because they think you are awesome; you get valuable gifts because they want you to continue to think that they are awesome."
I give Likes because I want you to think I'm awesome.
Specializes in Psych, Corrections, Med-Surg, Ambulatory.
1 hour ago, Davey Do said:
"You don’t get expensive gifts from a narcissist because they think you are awesome; you get valuable gifts because they want you to continue to think that they are awesome."
Yes, I had a boyfriend who met many criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder. He did buy me lovely gifts. And then expect endless accolades. And "Did you show your mom? What did she say?" "What did your aunt think?" etc. etc.
I supposed like your wife, I've developed a more realistic attitude and I took take people at face value and believe who they are the first time they show their colors and respond accordingly. Thankfully right now I don't know many sociopaths.
I take things as they come. I worked with someone who was always presuming the worst in others, saying things like "don't try me today", and complaining that we always gave her the worst assignments, etc...and always looking for someone negative in people's behavior. Once yelled me me "why you looking at me like that". Me: "sorry I was just looking into space and I'm having indigestion." Sometimes what we think is reality isn't.
Wow. Much of what you said , are characteristic to my ex daughter in law. Shevwas very manipulative, and I believe she thought she was entitled to my money. But anyway , she was an alcoholic, very heavy drinker, she stroked and passed away .
So much of what you said, tho, sounds just like her .
it is estimated that 1 in 4 americans are wither malignant narcissists or outright sociopaths. we are training them from an early age.
also read sam vanknin web blog and watch his youtube videos. he IS a sociopath and freely admits it. he gets off on the centrality of being able to give people a glimpse of what sociopaths are doing. hevalso gives very direct and invaluable advice on how to effectively deal with the sociopath in your life. IF you are willing to take it. the end advice is usually......
DISENGAGE. if you cant do that completely....go grey rock. only contact as a professional requirement and never as a personal one.
i was married to a full on sociopath. glib, cunning, calculating your worth to him, dangerous.
he is a physician.
he once put e.coli around the rim of a coffeecup of a roommate in medical school....because she complained about his bringing very perverted Media magazines to the breakfast table in mixed company. he would do these shocking things for effect. do them, stand back and watch the chaos and suffering.
i could go on...but we all know about physicians and high functioning sociopaths. bankers. lawyers. ceos. doctors. priests. nurse managers. nurses. people who climb thru the ranks BECAUSE they are sociopathic. the ones that will do whatever it takes. use whomever to reach their goal.
they usually have no friends. meaning....when you meet them, they have no high school buddies, or girlfriends to invite to the babyshower. the ones who claim they are "just not close with their family" or always have to be in the room when you are near anyone they know. the ones that talk smack about this one and that one...but seem very friendly with that same horrible person....because they are saying ABOUT YOU to the horrible person...what they are saying TO YOU about said horrible person.
we all know at least one. if you say you dont have anyone like that in your life? look at your own behavior (sociopaths and narcissists rarely think that maybe the problem is THEM).
i wont get married or even date because of my horrific experience with my ex. i heard these stories and this important FACT never really sunk in...
what they do to others....they WILL do to you when you arent of use. you are not special.
i wish we had a mechanism to weed these people out and put them on an island somewhere...but banking and other corporate entities select for sociopaths. its documented.
just keep your business out of the workplace and be professional to the point that you suspect everyone around you will behave this way eventually and you are fine. besides. work is not a way to meet new friends. its your job.
Davey Do
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