Social inadequacy and nursing.

Roy Fokker, BSN, RN · Jul 19, 2011

Im a mature (27)

Really? 27 years old and you think you're mature?

Just kiddin' :) Welcome to allnurses.com!

male student nurse in my first year of nursing (but have completed the australian CNA equivalent previously).

Forgive me but am I to understand that with you having the CNA equivalent that you've had some kind of patient care/bedside care exposure?

I'm not questioning/interrogating ya' ... as an American, I have little to no idea what the "Australian CNA equivalent" stands for. :)

As the thread title suggests, I am worried about my demeanour and the ability to efficiently communicate therapeutically.

It's a valid concern.

I am introverted, though not shy and not prone to social anxiety but I find myself unable to "read" people effectively. I work well in groups but with a tendency to lead and I do not make friends easily and definitely prefer smaller groups or individuals than larger social circles.

Thanks for sharing! I know a few colleagues like yourself :)

I have been volunteering regularly at a homeless "soup kitchen" to give food and converse but I find I still only make a connection less than 50% of the time, small talk is awkward the rest of the time.

Not trying to sound blasé but this is a homeless soup kitchen we're talking about.

Don't get me wrong - I think it's commendable that you're charitable on such a personal level. But all said and done, it is a homeless shelter. Most folks have a hard time conversing and connecting with people in general (including nurses) ... much less deal with people whose day-to-day survival needs are in such dire straits.

In other words - I understand your anxiety and apprehension given your experience with the homeless and the other unfortunates of society. You're concerned because you think "I'm havin' a hard time 'communicating' with 'em RIGHT NOW. How the heck am I going to do being a nurse to these people?!!

Honestly, my first and only response to you right now would be to remind you: you're worrying about things that are not in place yet. You're a first year student in nursing school! :)

So I am asking if experienced nurses such as yourselves have perhaps seen those of my "demeanour" become fitted to the role as nurse?

Yes. Yes we have.

The beauty of nursing is that there is no 'fixed territory' - from hospitals to nursing homes to home health to care centers to schools to educational centers to research to education and many many more!

Can they gain the social intelligence required to proficiently build rapport with a patient? I want to help, but can I help if I am not a "peoples person"??

I think you're under-estimating yourself.

But in anycase - you don't have to be a "people person" in order to be a good nurse.

I ultimately want to go to a CCU/ICU setting.... but do not want to pursue it if it means my unresolvable inability to communicate gives the patient unease and they do not get the emotional care they need.

Again, I think you're jumping way ahead of yourself.

I mean this most sincerily - navigate yourself through your first year of school (with an OPEN MIND and CONFIDENCE in yourself! Else it's POINTLESS!) Give yourself time to adjust.

Then we'll talk... :)

cheers,

SNIXRN · Jul 19, 2011

You will do fine. Some patients you will click with, some you won't. You will learn to read people and approach them/converse.

TopazLover, BSN, RN · Jul 19, 2011

I agree with Roy, with certain fine differences.

Most of the people I have met in soup kitchens are in a state of increased stress. It would not be really fair to evaluate your social abilities with depressed or overly stressed people and think it is the norm for communication. Now having said that, Most of the people you meet in acute care nursing are under much stress also. Patients, co-workers, families, etc.

Many students think the place they want to practice nursing is in acute care. Don't limit yourself to looking only at this kind of a future. If social interactions were really that difficult there are still nursing jobs that require less interaction. You could become a nurse doing anesthesia, pass gas, keep them out for surg. :idea:

You have many hurdles more pressing than how well you read people. Read your texts, make flash cards, study in a group. You will gain knowledge and understanding that will spill over into your actual practice of nursing.

Best wishes. I know many fine nurses who are clueless about how to read people socially but can read the patient clinically to perfection.

xtxrn, ASN, RN · Jul 19, 2011

I think the soup kitchen is a great thing- homeless people end up in hospitals, too- and using that environment to hone social interaction skills is a novel and creative idea.

Working as a CNA is a great way to learn time management and direct care. I think it should be mandatory. No nurse can get too much experience with direct care.

I was so shy in nursing school that my instructors would shove me into a room physically and say "you HAVE to talk to them".... but it got easier. I worked for 19 years before ending up on disability, and no co-worker would ever use the word introverted to describe me.- LOL.... I think by the end of my first year out of school most people wished I'd chime in less !!

Hang in there. Nursing school is an exercise in tolerating being overwhelmed... you'll get there- or, if you don't, no harm, no foul- you just find out it's not for you- but there is generally some area of nursing to suit most folks. :)

casi, ASN, RN · Jul 19, 2011

When I started out working as a CNA I was very introverted... that changed quickly.

Communications skills is something you will pick up with in time.

KJM-RN, BSN · Jul 19, 2011

Thanks for posting this. I find myself being the same way, although not shy, just uncomfortable making small talk. I was curious if this would make me struggle with communicating with patients. Since I'm still a student, I have told myself to try my hardest and overcome any inner fears I face with this perspective of communicating.

Whispera, MSN, RN · Jul 19, 2011

I'm not much for small talk, but it's necessary, so I have a mental list in my head of things to ask people. Things like, "what's going on with you today?" "how's the food today?" "what would you like to talk about while i'm here, to pass the time"? I've found that people tend to be quiet unless you ask them something (open ended question) and then they do open up, some more than others. It takes me an effort to do it, and it doesn't come naturally, but it works!

TheCommuter, BSN, RN · Jul 19, 2011

Hi, there. I've never been a social butterfly or a 'people person.' In general, I do not make everlasting connections with people. For as long as I can remember, I have always felt a degree of social ineptitude.

People tend to describe me as quiet. I'm detail-oriented, task-oriented, and usually prepare a "to do" list before the start of each shift. I am very introverted and do not enjoy passing the breeze with small talk. I prefer discussing topics that are academic, worldly, or intellectually stimulating to me. Others tend to say that I have a flat or restricted affect. When someone tries to strike up conversation with me, I have difficulty keeping it going.

I am very serious, occasionally uptight, lack a sense of humor, and I do not smile much because my smiles frequently come across as fake. I'll be the first person to admit that my interpersonal skills need work. I'm outwardly calm, thoughtful, mellow, and very non-confrontational. Confrontation disturbs me greatly. I prefer one-on-one interaction versus mingling in a large group of people. I also prefer night shifts due to having less people around.

Ruthfarmer · Jul 19, 2011

CaffinePrnPo, you will do just fine as a nurse. Don't worry about knowing how to "read" people. You don't have to depend on "reading" most people. You can just come right out and ask people what they need, or where they hurt, or what you can do for them. Many times that's the best thing to do, as you don't make any mistaken assumptions when you ask questions.

With the nursing knowledge and hands-on skills down pat, and a genuine interest in providing good care and a willingness to communicate with patients and staff, you will do fine. If you are competent and you make patient care a priority, you won't have any more problems doing good nursing than any other nurse has.

Perpetual Student · Jul 19, 2011

Don't sweat it. I've been at this a while and I started off much the same, though I suppose I was/am a little more prone to social anxiety than you described. I just developed a special "nurse" persona that I slip into @ work. It's kind of like acting a part in a play.

As far as patient interaction goes, I'm sure to convey that I want them safe & comfortable. All that is needed to do that is basic assessment (e.g. is your pain getting better or are you still nauseated? oh your nausea is gone? Wonderful) & appropriate interventions. Just focus on being polite to everyone and providing the best nursing care possible. You don't have to become best friends with everyone. So long as you're polite and responsive to their needs your patients really won't care that you're not chatty. Heck, it's not like most nurses have time to do the required work, let alone sit around chatting.

Be pleasant to your coworkers. Help colleagues when they need it. That way they'll help you when you need it, and you certainly will esp. as a new grad. Be sure to express gratitude when appropriate.

I still can't read women very well despite working with tons of 'em. :uhoh21:

leslie :-D · Jul 19, 2011

i too, am someone who is unsocial, avoid small-talk and LOVE keeping to myself.

i do know how to read people and can communicate accordingly, but that's only if i have something to say.

none of this random chit chat.

i volunteered at a homeless shelter for a few yrs, and this is not the population to hone your skills.

let me rephrase that.

this is not the population to try and chit-chat.

but you can relate to them on their level, no matter what it is.

many times, it is through eye contact and it's nonverbal.

but that is still one way of communicating or relating.

much of it involves fine-tuning your skills, that are compatible with what the other person feels/wants.

example: respecting boundaries.

many homeless folks want to be left alone, or, have mentall illness, or, lack skills to reach out.

these are the skills you want, and that will serve your pts...trying to sense what their needs are, often through your instincts.

as to nsg, you don't need social skills, but do need excellent communication skills.

huge difference.

and often, it is the shy nurses who build a wonderful rapport with their pts.

i am not social, yet i tend to talk non-stop with many of my pts, esp the elderly ones.:redpinkhe

i am confident you will do quite well in school and in your career.

as roy said, don't sweat over something that isn't even relevant in your life now.

you'll be learning and expanding on skills throughout nsg school.

just focus on communicating, and not socializing.

say what you mean, and mean what you say.

simple as that.:)

wishing you the best.

leslie