Sick of all of the bullying.

[ANH_RN]

I just have to get something off of my chest.. I have been guilty of talking about other people behind their back but I am downright shocked at the amount of bad mouthing that goes on in my hospital on my floor. Is it like this everywhere? Seems like certain few nurses just complain about everyone they come in contact with. If it isn't the aides, it's other nurses, or pharmacy... etc. Last night a few nurses (one of which I have a lot of respect for unfortuneately) were talking so bad about one of our aides. I just can't even believe how rude they are to this particular aide. Now she may not be my favorite person in the whole world but I could not bring myself to talk about her and her intelligence endlessly in public view for anyone to walk up on. These same people that are having their livelihood put down have children and husbands and wives. I am not the most positive person in the world and I am very guilty of complaining especially when times get hard but to put down others' as a person just seems so inappropriate. Sometimes it's so bad and towards just anyone that I often think to myself 'jeez what do other people say about me?' I hate working in this.. I hate having to listen to it. Is it really like this everywhere??? I just always attributed it to the high stress nature of the job but it just seems unacceptable. Now I admit there are people that make me mad and frustrated and I vent from time to time about them but this is downright bullying! We don't let our kids do it, we shouldn't either especially as professionals in a professional environment.

And just listening to everyone else's rant and rave makes you more aware of yourself and how you sound when you complain. I have been making a more conscience effort to not complain a lot especially about other people.

[3dayRN]

Sometimes it gets bad on my floor too. I'm thinking if I hear all this negativity about other coworkers then what are they saying about me. I'm not perfect I have done it too about a certain "experienced" nurse that almost NEVER checks on her patients, never seems to hear her iv's or BIPAP's beeping. I just get so annoyed with it ALL the time. I try not to do it. I only say what is true. There are some people that just get rude and talk about everyone and everything including personal comments. That I avoid and I will leave the nurses station. I don't want someone to ever say I was apart of it just because I'm sitting there.

[canesdukegirl, BSN, RN]

One of the great things about being an airhead is that I 'don't get it'. I never did understand why people trashed other people behind their backs. I don't understand politics, innuendo, and 'code speak'. What?? Seems like a whole lotta work for something that doesn't matter in the big scheme of things.

Since I grew up with only brothers, we settled our differences RIGHT THEN AND THERE. No games, no chirping, no sneakiness. Besides, we had to resolve our differences quickly because we needed to get on with the kickball game.

That's kinda how I view life. State your complaint, be clear in your argument, listen to the other person, come to an agreement, get on with the game.

[CFitzRN, ADN]

One of the great things about being an airhead is that I 'don't get it'. I never did understand why people trashed other people behind their backs. I don't understand politics, innuendo, and 'code speak'. What?? Seems like a whole lotta work for something that doesn't matter in the big scheme of things.

Since I grew up with only brothers, we settled our differences RIGHT THEN AND THERE. No games, no chirping, no sneakiness. Besides, we had to resolve our differences quickly because we needed to get on with the kickball game.

That's kinda how I view life. State your complaint, be clear in your argument, listen to the other person, come to an agreement, get on with the game.

Oh, if only the world were this way. And I hear ya - I have 4 sons. There is no manipulation, baiting, innuendo, (or "codespeak" haha) or any of that. Guys really don't play this game and God bless 'em.

[Zen123]

My usual response in hearing gossip " the world needs more love". My response to an always angry co worker. " you know where the time clock at".

[rn4ever?]

Sorry you feel that way. Unfortunately though, it really happens. Not just in nursing, but in other professions too. Just wanted to share what I learned early on in my nursing career……….

1) Watch your back all the time

2) Keep your private life private. The work place is not really a place to find best friends. But if you do find one, good for you and still, watch your back.

3) Still related to number 2, don’t whine about your lazy husband that you are divorcing, your sister who asks too much money from you, your daughter who is in and out of rehab, or talk about how smoking weed as a teen-ager helped you relax. Believe me, all these will be blown out of proportion and it will haunt you later on. Don’t also talk about the million dollar home your Wall Street banker fiance bought for you. If you do, I’m sure everyone will be smiling and be "happy" for you-----and surely too, the next day, you’ll have the toughest and most critical patients.

4) Be civil to everyone and professional.

5) Document, document, document

6) Don’t make nasty comments about any one. You will be quoted and be in trouble.

7) If your co-worker goes to your boss to complain about you. Even if the boss says you’re okay, clarify things still. You’ll be surprised (or maybe not) what portion of the story is a lie.

8) If you are unsure of something, ask one to two persons who can be a mentor to you about it. If you ask many people, they will talk about how $tupi_ you are instead of being helpful to you.

9) Avoid adding them in your FB/social-networking pages

10) Avoid partying and drinking with them!

[pedicurn, LPN, RN]

i'm sick of it as well.

i will not return to a job where "we" treat one another so poorly. unless my family becomes desperate for money, i just cannot set myself in a situation where my mental well-being and emotional stability is so eroded. we are in a "life and death" occupation - what allows us to accept these folks and their predatory and toxic, near violent and abusive acts? i am certain that these "bad apples" are just a few - so, since they cause enough rot that everyone is effected when in their company - why do we allow it? if everyone stood up and called these folks out when they see bad acts or actors - this profession would police itself into a much better place in record time. after all the main hallmark of a professional is that we police our own. well, few do - i know how hard it is to stand for something - but, if we don't - if you don't - you will eventually be the victim. what if you become the victim at what is supposed to be your dream job - one you've worked hard for and paid your dues to get? maybe what comes around - is what goes around - and if you don't work to stop bad behavior - don't be surprised when you fall prey to it.

a lesson in luck!

it is just like finding four leaf clovers. i find them easily. my flight crew (medic and pilot) and i had flown to a pr (a county picnic) to enjoy fellowship while letting the public see us and the helicopter in good times (not just disasters - it makes it less scary for all) - after all, we are part of a community. anyway - i look down and pull a four leaf clover - my crew looks at me all amazed. wow - we will have luck on our side! my medic partner says "i can't remember when i last found a four leaf clover!". i asked him when he last looked for one. he admits not really ever. hmm....

i then tell him my "secret" - i look often, expect to find them and always do. because i look for them and expect to find them - they are easy to spot. bullies work the same way. bullied folks are ruined in the same way. bullies tell everyone about --- whoever their target is --- that they (the victim) are stupid, incompetent, whatever. and then folks that don't know the "target" is really being bullied - look at the target expecting to find them incompetent or stupid or whatever. and often otherwise good folks do the real hard work of the bully. think about it - how often do you find what you are expecting to. is this lucky for anyone? not so much. but it can be really destructive if used for evil.

the thing is -- a bully has silence on her side. most want to "not get involved" and want to do (and keep!) their jobs without anyone taking aim on them. few can stand up for another person and through their silence - it appears that they agree with what's being told and done. most want to go along and just get along. once someone has in in for you it is tough. if this person has tenure or even "friends" you will likely lose if things get rough. if the bully has a "package deal" (hubby/mom/sis/cousin works there) it will likely get really nasty and you will have a super tough time navigating dangerous waters. if the manager or clinical lead is the bully it is even more difficult to escape the abuse and keep your job. the answer is strength in numbers - most of us are not bullies - but, will we be the solution or just aware of the problem?

let's stop it - we all know what it is. start today. don't be a party to it and speak up when you see it. no one can stop it unless they recognize that it exists, that is damaging and is not welcome in a professional workplace.

start now.

:angel:

agree

if only the fence sitters would get off their butts and do something constructive re improving culture.

just keeping mouths shut and smiling is not the solution.

do their share ....they should join the lone few who are brave enough to take a stand.

if we could form critical mass and stand united then we will be able to improve culture

[nurseprnRN, BSN, RN]

maybe i missed something here. i know that complaining about bullying is all the rage (as it were) but it seems to me that the op chose the wrong hot-button word to characterize her post. she posted about coworkers complaining about other coworkers, not bullying. i will grant you that a complain-y workplace is annoying, irritating, and certainly not collegial, (and if you like buzz words, "toxic") but that doesn't seem to me to be bullying per se.

now you can get on me for "lateral violence" or "eating our young," lol. :::looking around for an icon that screams "flameproofies on." :::

[pedicurn, LPN, RN]

Bullying is abusive treatment, the use of force or coercion to affect others, particularly when habitual and involving an imbalance of power. What you are talking about would be better termed as "bad manners."

Agree but would like to add that this type of behaviour is how a lot of nurses bully.

They are silly, passive aggressive individuals who don't know any other way of being nasty.

Seriously I now despise some of my coworkers ... I feel pain saying that. I have always been a strong supporter of nurses.

It is a terrible thing to say but I do not respect these ones ... these ones generally need more manners /class /education

[linearthinker, DNP, RN]

Green Tea, I am going to bully you now and tell you that while ITA with your post, your ridiculously large font keeps me from quoting with thumbs up and smilies, lol.

However, you iterated my point clearly, thank you. Being a jerk is not systematic, institutionally supported behavior, nor does it upset the power balance and undermine the position of the non-jerk. The world, including the nursing world, is full of jerks. Best off to just ignore them and go on your way.

Nomenclature is important, because misuse detracts attention from real instances of bullying and abusive behavior.

Matthew Sheppard = victim of bullying. OP, not. Important distinction.

[JSlovex2]

Hi ANH RN,

I'm so sorry to hear about your toxic working environment due to colleagues. I'm a nursing student going for a career transition, and I have to admit that these type of people exist in every profession. What I'd do, if I were you, is to not anticipate in any of the complaining your colleague does in front of you. Just have the "no comment" attitude, and stay out of it.

I agree with this. Every time someone comes up to you and starts talking about someone, as soon as they make that opening statement..."Judy is so annoying..." cut them off and say something work related. "hey, can you help me turn this patient. i'm so behind," or "have you taken your break yet? why don't you go do that and cool off. i have to go pass these meds." after a couple of times being blown off they will get the hint that you don't want to gossip. how do i know? this is what older and wiser co-workers have done to me when i was younger and guilty of venting more than i should've.