Sick of all of the bullying.

vwbeetle · Jul 2, 2011

Hi ANH RN,

I'm so sorry to hear about your toxic working environment due to colleagues. I'm a nursing student going for a career transition, and I have to admit that these type of people exist in every profession. What I'd do, if I were you, is to not anticipate in any of the complaining your colleague does in front of you. Just have the "no comment" attitude, and stay out of it.

I think you are absolutely entitled to express your frustration of your workplace. Don't we all do that? :-)

People that complain about anything that moves in front of them, are just built that way. Not much you can do to change them. I bet, even if they win a lottery, they'd still be complaining as to how and when they're going to spend all that money. Some people are just bitter like, they were naturally born like that. They thrive for these complaints and gossips.

Don't get surprised or upset, when you find out through the grapevine that these colleagues gossip about you; it's a matter of time.

The best way to handle your work situation, is to give this person the least info you can about yourself. I'd really stay away from her as much as I can. I know it's easier said than being done. If it really starts to effect you, then you have nothing to lose. See if you can transfer to another floor.

My 2cents.

P.S. - I have to admit that I was quite shocked as to how much nurse bullying seems to be happening in every part of the world.

eriksoln, BSN, RN · Jul 2, 2011

I actually posted a similar thread a day or two ago. It had more to do with how wild rumors can get.

I have to say though, I think this personality flaw nursing has taken on with all its "chirp chirp chirp" all the time going on is a big reason the general public is losing respect for the profession.

We walk around in circles, complaining about the same thing we were chirping about ten years ago, picking on every and any detail of others we can..........and then in the same breath proclaim "People don't see us as professionals, other departments don't respect us, we need to change this."

I'm guilty of "chirping", but I get tired of it much sooner than I used to. I realized a long time ago, it serves not purpose and doesn't solve the problem that is upsetting you.

Assertiveness is the key. If something is upsetting you, don't just walk in circles chirping about it and hope it resolves itself or someone else takes care of it. Do something about the problem that is bothering you. We, as nurses, are expected to take on the role of leaders, so lead. If w/e it is isn't important enough for you to put your game face on and practice some assertiveness, then it's probably not important enough to be chirping about.

eriksoln, BSN, RN · Jul 2, 2011

Hi ANH RN,
I'm so sorry to hear about your toxic working environment due to colleagues. I'm a nursing student going for a career transition, and I have to admit that these type of people exist in every profession. What I'd do, if I were you, is to not anticipate in any of the complaining your colleague does in front of you. Just have the "no comment" attitude, and stay out of it.
I think you are absolutely entitled to express your frustration of your workplace. Don't we all do that? :-)
People that complain about anything that moves in front of them, are just built that way. Not much you can do to change them. I bet, even if they win a lottery, they'd still be complaining as to how and when they're going to spend all that money. Some people are just bitter like, they were naturally born like that. They thrive for these complaints and gossips.
Don't get surprised or upset, when you find out through the grapevine that these colleagues gossip about you; it's a matter of time.
The best way to handle your work situation, is to give this person the least info you can about yourself. I'd really stay away from her as much as I can. I know it's easier said than being done. If it really starts to effect you, then you have nothing to lose. See if you can transfer to another floor.
My 2cents.
P.S. - I have to admit that I was quite shocked as to how much nurse bullying seems to be happening in every part of the world.

My all time favorite movie is "The Shawshank Redemption".

There is a scene in that movie where one of the prison guards is "upset". He is upset because, a distant relative left him money. He argues that its practically nothing after taxes, and if he buys a car with it like he wants, the wife and kids will want to ride in it.

mustlovepoodles, RN · Jul 2, 2011

I just have to get something off of my chest.. I have been guilty of talking about other people behind their back but I am downright shocked at the amount of bad mouthing that goes on in my hospital on my floor. Is it like this everywhere? Seems like certain few nurses just complain about everyone they come in contact with. If it isn't the aides, it's other nurses, or pharmacy... etc. Last night a few nurses (one of which I have a lot of respect for unfortuneately) were talking so bad about one of our aides. I just can't even believe how rude they are to this particular aide. Now she may not be my favorite person in the whole world but I could not bring myself to talk about her and her intelligence endlessly in public view for anyone to walk up on. These same people that are having their livelihood put down have children and husbands and wives. I am not the most positive person in the world and I am very guilty of complaining especially when times get hard but to put down others' as a person just seems so inappropriate. Sometimes it's so bad and towards just anyone that I often think to myself 'jeez what do other people say about me?' I hate working in this.. I hate having to listen to it. Is it really like this everywhere??? I just always attributed it to the high stress nature of the job but it just seems unacceptable. Now I admit there are people that make me mad and frustrated and I vent from time to time about them but this is downright bullying! We don't let our kids do it, we shouldn't either especially as professionals in a professional environment.
And just listening to everyone else's rant and rave makes you more aware of yourself and how you sound when you complain. I have been making a more conscience effort to not complain a lot especially about other people.

I think you just had a revelation, there. Unfortunately, there are way too many places which tolerate this kind of gossiping and back-stabbing. Like we're all in 10th grade or something. The way to handle it is to just withdraw. Don't join in, even if you're *dying* to tell something juicy. Walk away. Refuse to play the game. Cuz when they're talking about someone else, they're giving YOU a rest. :cool:

This situation is not going to rectify itself easily. Too many of your co-workers are invested in keeping the status quo. The only person you can control is yourself. So you can either be a grown up and refrain from those petty activities or you can continue to run with the pack. You're at a fork in the road. What's it gonna be? :nurse:

porridge · Jul 2, 2011

It can be really awful, and some workplaces are so toxic that they can leave you questioning your abilities, intelligence, and worthiness as a human being let alone an employee. There's an inordinate amount of holier-than-thou attitudes in nursing, as well as a lot of self-esteem issues which lead to a propensity for taking the first opportunity to put others down, and to call those nurses who take issue with inherent difficulties and try to get issues out in the open "whiners" and "losers", etc. Not all workplaces are like that. I have many dear friends in nursing, and I've made all those friends by working with them in the past. You will meet some of the most wonderful, clever, and caring people in your life through nursing, so take heart.

**RosesrReder, BSN, MSN, RN** · Jul 2, 2011

It is only toxic if you feed the monster. :yawn:

I have never had problems and I work on SO many floors for all sister hospitals in my large city. So I will tell you my secret.

As soon as you clock in, leave your stress and home problems at the door. Dust yourself off and put your 'walmart smile' on. Do your job, do it well. Do not feed the monster or participate in gossip.

The solution: Open your ears and shut your mouth. Remember to smile. Those same people are probably talking about each other and yourself. Nursing is predominantly females and lets face it, we can be very catty and after 14 hrs of working on top of each other...........we become like caged inmates! :eek:

Grow a thick layer of skin and maybe oil yourself well so that everything rolls down your back.

At the end of the day, clock out and leave work behind. :smokin:

That my friend, is the key to working well with others, not complicating your life and staying trouble free as well.

SMILE! :clown:

My :twocents:

kalevra, BSN, RN · Jul 2, 2011

I used to work in another high stress career field, as a leaders we had to maintain order and if there was some bull flying around we were told to handle it ASAP. In my experience confrontation works the best, anonymity is a gossipers best weapon. Once you make them accountable for what they have said in front of their peers, the whining/rumors/backstabbing ends. Not only does confronting the situation solve most of these issues but it may also bring to light weaknesses in your leadership that may need further development. Sometimes people do have a valid complaint, and if taken as constructive criticism it can actually improve work performance.

Nursing requires thick skin, its how the ball bounces.

tyvin, BSN, RN · Jul 2, 2011

Imagine how their spouses are treated. :crying2:

ANH_RN · Jul 2, 2011

It is only toxic if you feed the monster.
The solution: Open your ears and shut your mouth. Remember to smile. Those same people are probably talking about each other and yourself. Nursing is predominantly females and lets face it, we can be very catty and after 14 hrs of working on top of each other...........we become like caged inmates!

I think that says it best.

tokmom, BSN, RN · Jul 3, 2011

What irks me are the ones that run to the manager and complain about any vent you may have had, because you are considered a peer as an RN and they are a CNA. Yet, they complain all-the-time.

That happened to me. I had a vent against a CNA that told a family 'Grandpa was going to die', when they hadn't been told the prognosis. I had to spend an hour with the family doing customer service. All I wanted to do was kick the CNA in the A$$ for her comment. I vented in the breakroom in front of another CNA who is a friend. Another CNA walked in the breakroom and caught the tail end of the rant and ran to the manager. You can bet I don't say a word about anyone. I sit and stew while everyone else vents away. It can be frustrating.

Medic/Nurse, BSN, RN · Jul 3, 2011

i'm sick of it as well.

i will not return to a job where "we" treat one another so poorly. unless my family becomes desperate for money, i just cannot set myself in a situation where my mental well-being and emotional stability is so eroded. we are in a "life and death" occupation - what allows us to accept these folks and their predatory and toxic, near violent and abusive acts? i am certain that these "bad apples" are just a few - so, since they cause enough rot that everyone is effected when in their company - why do we allow it? if everyone stood up and called these folks out when they see bad acts or actors - this profession would police itself into a much better place in record time. after all the main hallmark of a professional is that we police our own. well, few do - i know how hard it is to stand for something - but, if we don't - if you don't - you will eventually be the victim. what if you become the victim at what is supposed to be your dream job - one you've worked hard for and paid your dues to get? maybe what comes around - is what goes around - and if you don't work to stop bad behavior - don't be surprised when you fall prey to it.

a lesson in luck!

it is just like finding four leaf clovers. i find them easily. my flight crew (medic and pilot) and i had flown to a pr (a county picnic) to enjoy fellowship while letting the public see us and the helicopter in good times (not just disasters - it makes it less scary for all) - after all, we are part of a community. anyway - i look down and pull a four leaf clover - my crew looks at me all amazed. wow - we will have luck on our side! my medic partner says "i can't remember when i last found a four leaf clover!". i asked him when he last looked for one. he admits not really ever. hmm....

i then tell him my "secret" - i look often, expect to find them and always do. because i look for them and expect to find them - they are easy to spot. bullies work the same way. bullied folks are ruined in the same way. bullies tell everyone about --- whoever their target is --- that they (the victim) are stupid, incompetent, whatever. and then folks that don't know the "target" is really being bullied - look at the target expecting to find them incompetent or stupid or whatever. and often otherwise good folks do the real hard work of the bully. think about it - how often do you find what you are expecting to. is this lucky for anyone? not so much. but it can be really destructive if used for evil.

the thing is -- a bully has silence on her side. most want to "not get involved" and want to do (and keep!) their jobs without anyone taking aim on them. few can stand up for another person and through their silence - it appears that they agree with what's being told and done. most want to go along and just get along. once someone has in in for you it is tough. if this person has tenure or even "friends" you will likely lose if things get rough. if the bully has a "package deal" (hubby/mom/sis/cousin works there) it will likely get really nasty and you will have a super tough time navigating dangerous waters. if the manager or clinical lead is the bully it is even more difficult to escape the abuse and keep your job. the answer is strength in numbers - most of us are not bullies - but, will we be the solution or just aware of the problem?

let's stop it - we all know what it is. start today. don't be a party to it and speak up when you see it. no one can stop it unless they recognize that it exists, that is damaging and is not welcome in a professional workplace.

start now.

:angel: