coworkers calling me stupid to and in front of patients

ponymom · Oct 28, 2018

Ask them why they do it

direw0lf, BSN · Oct 28, 2018

Ask them why they do it

They said if they didn't like me they wouldn't tease me or something like that. Or if they really thought I was dumb they wouldn't say I was. Or they only joke with people they like. I have said but not in front of patients but they scoff it off. I just need to be able to say something to express it bothers me and to stop in a firm enough way but not making enemies? I'm not very good at speaking up for myself although I'm pretty passionate about speaking up for my patients so I don't know why not myself. (Although they said they only joke with people they like I'm the only one I know of them calling stupid)

kinney1008 · Oct 28, 2018

Unfortunately, some people are dissatisfied with their own lives so they are mean and rude to other people to make themselves feel better. If you know you are competent and a good nurse, try your best to ignore them. You are there for your patient. If it gets to the point of being harassing, then you might have to go to HR about it. And I agree with previous post, ask them why they are doing it. It definitely is not professional for them to do that sort of thing in front of patients.

Been there,done that, ASN, RN · Oct 28, 2018

Their comments are not appropriate in the work place, especially with a patient present.

Review your facility's policy .. then write them up with specific verbiage... each and every time.

amoLucia · Oct 28, 2018

I have a real concern when staff berate or negatively address a coworker or another absent staff member when they are IN FRONT of pts. It sends a message to the present pt that the facility hires bad employees.

I'm sure that this is NOT a message that the institution wants to convey to the public. In a time when public image and satisfaction scores are carrying so much import, this should not be occurring. I think this would be a issue that higher-uppers might be interested to know. Also it is such a deterrent to team building and cohesiveness.

Now I don't want to sound idealistic blowing glitter snow around, but in all the management and team building seminars I've sat through, rule #1 is DO NOT TEAR DOWN YOUR PEERS in front of others, particularly the public.

I don't kow how receptive OP's higher-uppers might be if she were to somehow broach the subject with them. Maybe somehow dropping a concern thru the Corp hotline? Somehow without dropping too much damning details and finger pointing that could come back to bite OP in the butt.

Sadly, I'll bet there's a group of that level of managlement present who never heard of rule #1.

cleback · Oct 29, 2018

I'd talk to them first, saying their comments--even as jokes-- are unprofessional and need to stop.

If they continue, go up the chain (management, HR). Document their comments as you go. Be prepared, though, that if management permits this type of bullying, you may need to look for another job.

Davey Do · Oct 29, 2018

Ask them why they do it

With all due love and respect, ponymom, I would not advise direwOlf to do this.

For one reason, the behavior is inappropriate and any rationale for their actions is not acceptable.

The second reason, in asking another person for their inappropriate behavior, is giving them power. The culprits will either defend their actions possibly allowing them room to be more offense.

I would say something like "Statements like calling me 'stupid' in front of patients is inappropriate. This behavior must stop, or you will need to deal with the ramifications of your actions".

Notice that I said "this behavior" and not "your behavior" because using the word you is an aggressive tact. I also gave direction as in "this behavior must stop" and an outcome if the request is not followed.

The outcome does not give specifics but merely "you will need to deal with the ramifications of your actions". The planned action is unknown to the culprit not giving them any more power, for in knowledge there is power. Allow them to simmer in their own juices.

This technique has been beneficial in curbing and controlling inappropriate behavior countless times in my life and career.

Good luck and the very best to you, direwOlf.

applewhitern, BSN, RN · Oct 29, 2018

That kind of attitude would never fly in any facility I've worked in. Saying its scary she's a nurse (to a patient) really amounts to slander, in my opinion. You have a valid license with your own scope of practice. You don't work for them, they don't write your paycheck, so who are they to try to damage your professional image in front of patients??

direw0lf, BSN · Oct 29, 2018

With all due love and respect, ponymom, I would not advise direwOlf to do this.
For one reason, the behavior is inappropriate and any rationale for their actions is not acceptable.
The second reason, in asking another person for their inappropriate behavior, is giving them power. The culprits will either defend their actions possibly allowing them room to be more offense.
I would say something like "Statements like calling me 'stupid' in front of patients is inappropriate. This behavior must stop, or you will need to deal with the ramifications of your actions".
Notice that I said "this behavior" and not "your behavior" because using the word you is an aggressive tact. I also gave direction as in "this behavior must stop" and an outcome if the request is not followed.
The outcome does not give specifics but merely "you will need to deal with the ramifications of your actions". The planned action is unknown to the culprit not giving them any more power, for in knowledge there is power. Allow them to simmer in their own juices.
This technique has been beneficial in curbing and controlling inappropriate behavior countless times in my life and career.
Good luck and the very best to you, direwOlf.

Thank you for all the advice, and this above was very helpful as well.

The name calling has been bothering me. I questiondd myself a lot, if maybe I really was acting in a way that made me look stupid. I plan to say this "this kind of behavior, even though you see it as just joking, isn't appropriate to say to or in front of patients because there may be ramifications".

Night__Owl, BSN, RN · Oct 29, 2018

This is not normal workplace banter, and it is not OK.

You need to be writing down names, dates and times, and verbatim quotes. If this continues I would approach either your manager or HR with copies of such.

Davey Do · Oct 29, 2018

Thank you for all the advice, and this above was very helpful as well.
The name calling has been bothering me. I questiondd myself a lot, if maybe I really was acting in a way that made me look stupid. I plan to say this "this kind of behavior, even though you see it as just joking, isn't appropriate to say to or in front of patients because there may be ramifications".

You're welcome, direwOlf. And of course it bothers you. Yours is an appropriate reaction to name calling.

To self assess is a good thing. We all need to consider others' opinions of who we are and possibly titrate our behavior. But, bottom line, it is we who have to sleep with ourselves and be, or get, okay with who we are.

Name calling is malicious and uncaring to say the least. Inappropriate behavior in the workplace cannot be tolerated. Your plan sounds good. Stick to your guns, say your piece, and I'd also advise you not to argue with them. Silence can speak volumes.

The very best to you, direwOlf!