Should I take time off? Help!

Red Kryptonite · Dec 22, 2014

I think we can have it all, but that if deeply involved, in-person parenting is a high priority, we can't have it all at the same time. I'd never give back my almost 15 years as a SAHM. I became a CNA when my youngest was almost old enough for school and start LPN school next month, so my situation is different from yours. Staying at home with your kids can be hard and involve financial sacrifice, but when we did the math it made sense for us too. I also firmly believe you'll never regret putting your kids' formative years first.

Mulan · Dec 22, 2014

I'd advise getting a PRN position somewhere, where you only have to commit to a minimal number of hours.

I'd be afraid if I didn't stay in the field, I wouldn't be able to get a job.

firstinfamily, RN · Dec 22, 2014

Both Mulan and RK have valid points. I did it by working night shift(8 hrs) for 14 years and maintained a "normal" life while being sleep deprived. It is so very difficult to find the ideal nursing position when raising children. I chose nights because my hubby would be with them and I would be there during the daytime, nap when they did, turn around and do it all again. We were fortunate in that we could do this with me working part-time, so there were days when I did not work at all and able to catch up on lost sleep, other duties etc. I never have regretted keeping my children at home with us. I wanted to know where they were learning their bad habits from and wanted to be involved in their daily care etc. I did not easily trust others with my children and we lived far from both families---so little to no family support, we were on our own!!! I maintained a good viable career because I remained part-time, it was a hassle when holidays came around and being the part-timer I was always getting stuck with doing holidays, we were still able to develop our own family traditions and many a Christmas morning I would come home to find my children in their jamies complaining that "Daddy said we had to wait until you were here, where have your been?" There is no replacement for seeing that look on a child's face when seeing the Christmas tree with all the presents underneath, nothing. Did my career suffer? Probably so, now that I am in my mid fifties and still a staff nurse(although I have had 3 management positions) Either the opportunity did not happen, or the time was not just right for me to accept a higher position. I truly have found myself more marketable with my clinical skills and even though it may not seem I have done very much with my career, I would argue that managers are usually the ones who are more dispensible in any economy, and my salary is pretty much equal to their's. Managers usually are responsible for the units 24/7, thus if there is a problem, they have to answer for it. I am done when I have finished my shift. I have kept my skills and I am earning more than almost ever before, working less hours and finally getting around to doing some things for myself. I have come across nurses who left the field to raise their families and who were required to retake nursing courses, some had to retake their boards to remain licensed. They left nursing for perhaps 4-7 years to raise their family. I only took an extended time off when I had major surgery and when we moved to another location, so really, I have been steadily employed as a nurse for over 30 years. Our children are now grown adults, they do still live with us, but each is establishing themselves and soon will be leaving the nest. I have never regretted doing what we did, it was hard at the time and there were days when I wondered if I was doing the right thing. But they are well-balanced, they did not have any behavior problems, we went through the typical teenager issues, but really they have turned out rather nicely!!! I have found that those nurses who devoted themselves entirely to their careers and had families either had multiple divorces or had children with very deep issues, they might have been "successful" as nurses, but the rest of their lives sucked. I would rather my legacy be in my well-balanced children than in nursing. I still have time to work on that legacy. Children are only children once, make it the best it can be, be there for them, everyone has to make sacrifices, don't let them have to make theirs at such an early age.

nurseprnRN, BSN, RN · Dec 22, 2014

Not sure what an ASC is, but if they value you that highly, couldn't you make a pitch for having a regular schedule that would make child care more accessible? Job share with someone else who's in the pipeline that could take over while you're on maternity leave?

adpiRN · Dec 22, 2014

I quit my job in L&D after 3 years when I had my baby.

I was a full time SAHM for 2 years and loved it. Couldn't imagine trying to juggle working with parenting and breastfeeding.

When I was ready to go back per diem it was relatively easy to find a job even though I had let all my certifications expire.

I got a job per diem in L&D and another part time job teaching a maternity clinical AND had an interview for another per diem job last week.

So I say go for it.

The safe answer is to go per diem but I understand how even that can feel like too much.

I wasn't ready till he was at least 18 months.

Long Term Care Columnist / Guide · Dec 23, 2014

I went to nursing school when my children were quite young, and worked all through their grade-school, middle school and high school years. I did it because I was the major breadwinner, but also I thought that providing for them was the best thing I could do for them. I'd never been the PTA, Kool-aid and cookies type of mom anyway.

Now I look back and see all I missed when they were growing up. I missed their first dances, first dates, first jobs. I also missed my oldest daughter's minor-in-possession citation and court date, and I missed my younger son's difficulties in school as a result of his being gay. Funny how I don't wish I'd worked more!

Yes, you'll pretty much need to start over again in nursing if you leave for a few years. So what. You're young, you have plenty of time to work once your little ones are in school full-time. But you'll never get back that time with them if you devote your life to the job. Just saying.

RNKPCE · Dec 23, 2014

Maybe PRN at your current ASC and then you could just be avail every Tuesday and/or Thursday which would make daycare easier. If they like you well enough your current employer may help you make it work. I knew someone who retired and then missed working terribly. Initially her ASC only had a 3 day a week position but next time I saw her she was hired in a PRN position. Never say never. Working a couple days a month would give you more options if you choose to work more as the kids get older.

Gooselady, BSN, RN · Dec 23, 2014

I'll chip in on my regrets for not being there a heck of a lot when my kids were so little. I was a single mother, and had to work, but I still miss and regret that time the children needed me but were parented by a day care worker

If you have the ability to stay home, or cut way back, you will turn your kids loose in life and not have these kinds of regrets. I was so into working back then it didn't cross my mind, or maybe I wouldn't let it cross my mind, having no other option.

I vote for a PRN position, maybe two shifts a week, or you work on some of the days your husband is home so the kids won't need to be out of the family home. I totally understand how much you love working! You won't love it any less if you cut back! Just think, you'll never burn out this way :) and when the youngest is in kindergarten, back you go. Your certs and competencies are all up to date and your skills fresh as ever.

trauma_lama, BSN · Dec 23, 2014

Thank y'all so much for the insight! My employer has given me their word that they will TRY to give me a set schedule- which they have to some degree I guess? I'm already working 2 days/week, but finding kid care for two days that varies is what's killing me I think. Like last schedule, I was Tue and Thur for 4/5 weeks. Then this sched, I've been Tue and Fri for 4/5 weeks. So finding an arrangement where a nanny or caregiver can switch days every month and a half or so is the tricky part! I know, it probably sounds dumb to y'all to know I work 2 days and I'm still thinking of getting out of the game for a bit. Maybe I'll try a PRN night? That sounds like a good idea. Hell, if I'm switch from OR to floor, I'll be like a newborn fawn again anyway, right?

jadelpn, LPN, EMT-B · Dec 23, 2014

See if you can do every other Sat/Sun evening shift?

Nights can and do work for some people, however, I would think every other Fri/Sat might be the way that could work--you do not want to attempt to care for kids and not be able to sleep some hours.

Sometimes state-licensed in home daycares can work if you say 2 days a week, (they know they will be paid 2 days a week) and your schedule is given to them a month in advance--

Do you have any family near you? How about evening shifts, you drop the kids with your family, and your husband picks up when he gets out of work?

I would do what I could to float/cross train now. Then you could do per diem in any number of departments, make yourself more marketable, and chose way ahead of time how you would like to continue.

Best wishes!!

CrunchRN, ADN, RN · Dec 23, 2014

It is very hard to get back into acute care after a year or more absence.