This is a long story, but I'll try to condense it as much as possible.
I'm a nineteen year old female, currently in my third semester of a four semester program. I'm supposed to graduate in December.
Psychology has always been my passion, but I was discouraged from pursuing it by those saying it's hard to get a job in and you have to have so much education for it and yadda yadda, so I strayed away.
Now, I can't really tell you what brought me to my decision to start nursing school to begin with. I'd had a slight interest in the medical field for most of my life, but nursing didn't come to mind until about a year before I started the program. My cousin was doing it and I knew it only took two years and I'd be making good money, plus I liked helping people. So I started busting my behind to get the grades, got my prerequisites out of the way and came out with 92 admission points. The semester I was accepted into let everyone with 76+ in.
When I got my acceptance letter, I found I wasn't as excited as I felt like I should've been. It was just kind of like "awesome, I got accepted", but whatever. I went to the orientation, got everything set up and was ready.
The semester before the program, I was sitting in my nurse assistant class, texting my cousin "I don't think this is what I want." She said I could still drop out of the program, but I was like "I've worked so hard to get in and maybe it won't be as bad once I start".
First semester: wasn't too bad. I failed two of five tests, stressed myself out hardcore, had a mental breakdown doing paperwork the night before my first clinical, but I pushed on.
Second semester: even better, failed nothing, did good in clinical, but began really feeling miserable. I was always finding myself feeling really regretful that I didn't pursue my passion for psychology, but continued to convince myself it wouldn't be worth it. So again I kept pushing on.
Two weeks before third semester starts, I see a girl posting on Facebook about how happy she is to be working towards a career in something she really wanted and I just lost it. I had a full on mental breakdown because I truly realized that this is not what I want to do with the rest of my life. It's not that I'm grossed out by it: I can do aide work and clean up feces, urine, vomit no problem. I'm just truly not interested anymore. My heart is not in this.
There are tons of reasons I can tell you why I don't want to do this, but I won't bore you. But I've become increasingly anxious and depressed over the past year in this program and finally had to start on Zoloft because I feel like I can't function anymore. The only real reason I don't want to drop is because I am so far and it'll give me something to fall back on if I do get the degree.
But right now, I'm failing both nursing classes with a 64 and a 76 where a 77 is a passing grade. I don't want to stick it out, fail, and have it affect my GPA but I don't want to feel like a failure or disappointment to my family.
And as I typed this out, I realize my mind is already made up. I want to withdraw with a W grade, transfer and begin on my psychology degree. I guess I'm just wondering if anyone has any advice for me? Sorry for the incredibly long post, I'm just at my wits end and I'm miserable. We've been out for the past week due to snow and I'm DREADING going back and having to go to clinical. Thinking about it just makes me depressed...
I've set up an appointment with my advisor, the dean of the program. I guess we'll see how it goes. Thanks everyone.
I have a feeling you already know what to do but you're afraid and that's fine. So it won't be a waste, maybe you should do as advised and look into psych nursing or FOLLOW YOUR HEART.
Specializes in Pediatrics, Hospice/Palliative Care.
I went into nursing for the reason of it is only 2 years, I don't know what I want to do but it is decent money and I can find a job. I felt much of what you felt -- I didn't have the love and in my last semester of nursing school (or any semester for that matter). I decided I was going to transfer post-graduation.
I stuck it out. I hated med-Surg. Despised OB, couldn't avoid critical care enough.
The only area I felt a remote pull towards was pediatrics. It was the only area I didn't hate. But I certainly didn't love it.
Got out of nursing school, spent the summer working as a peds nurse before returning to school in the fall for a completely different field. Turns out being a nurse was completely different than nursing school. I no longer hated it and realized there are a million different areas I could go into without restarting and uprooting everything I worked on.
Take a deep breath. If you need a break, do so. And ignore what everyone else thinks -- it isn't worth the stress! Don't let nursing school ruin all the "great stuff." Being a nurse is great -- it just takes time to find your niche and feel the reward.
Psych nursing is always an option, as others have said. And, speaking of psych... be careful with those psych meds. I tend to get anxious as well... not test anxiety so much as performance anxiety. So much so to where when I was doing my foley check-off, I started shaking so badly that I broke my sterile gloves and field and was the ONLY dodo out of 10 that failed the checkoff I went on fluoxetine soon after. I felt GREAT performance wise. However, I did not study as much. I think that I needed anxiety as a motivator. Long story short, I ended up missing a test in Research that was 35% of the grade because I just had the time down wrong. I then had to drop Critical Care because my grade was so bad. We could ONLY fail or drop 2 classes with our nursing program. I took a semester off too, and HAD to go off of the fluoxetine because I couldn't see the school nurse when I was not enrolled. Didn't go back on it on my final semester, when I finally picked back up. I was a BALL of NERVES... however, I think that it motivated me and gave me the push I need to make it. If you love psych, stick it out if they'll let you! If they don't let you continue, pull yourself up by your bootstraps and continue towards your dreams. You're young and have plenty of time to get it figured out :)
I have a relative who got degrees in the mental health/psychology/counseling fields up through the doctorate and just for a point of comparison, is never able to maintain employment, although they did well in school. There just aren't jobs out there. Just something to think about. The practical side of it. A job skill is a job skill. Probably easier to find a job as a mental health nurse. You might want to talk to the instructor who teaches the psych nursing portion of your program for some down to earth advice about your employability in the counseling field as a nurse. I know there are plenty of jobs where I live for people who want to work in drug rehab facilities.
Since you are close to the end, finish nursing school, obtain the license, and place it in an inactive status. Then, take it from there. You will then always have the nursing license to fall back on in a pinch, or to revisit in the future, should you change your outlook.
Finish the RN, go into direct admission Psych NP program. PMHNP's can do therapy, there are many openings in the field. My niece has her PhD in psych and can't get a job.
Since you are more than half way through, I'd consider finishing. You can work PRN while obtaining either an advanced practice NP licence where you could counsel and prescribe or just pursue counseling. I agree that it will take less time to pursue this option than to just quit and start over! You worked hard, it may not be your passion but it is a stepping stone to the direction that you want to go!
I wish I was as close to graduating from nursing school as you :). Take a deep breath baby and try to find an outlet for your anxiety other than pills, that will only cloud your mind and judgement (imo). Maybe look into St. John's Wort instead, I have used that and it's worked better (for me) than any Rx. Also make sure you're getting some good sunlight that will help your Serotonin and ultimately your mood (sometimes nature is better at fixing our idiosyncrasies than man will ever be).
Back to your situation: Sounds like you truly have an affinity for helping people. There are many options with-in nursing to help people on the mental level including case management, research, psych (as others have said), and more...you don't have to be relegated to a psych hospital or treatment facility. Government agencies, psychology/psychiatry practices, case management, non-profits, and rehab centers are all options for you to explore. You could look into Peds and working with those kids who have been subject to abuse or witness to violent crime (refer back to Gov't agency: US Marshalls, FBI, CIA, Secret Service, NSA, DEA, etc..). You can work as a civilian contractor for military branches at the VA or returning vets.
There are many roads and avenues for you to choose, nursing won't necessarily prevent you from obtaining your dream, but might be a different path to get you there. On the upside (if you want to see the glass half full, an income source while you finish your degree). I wish you all the luck in the world, I will pray for peace in your heart and mind, and guidance for the path you should choose.
I'm like your direct opposite (went from psych into nursing), and I have a lot of sympathy (and empathy) for where you're at right now. You seem to know what your passion is (psych at PhD level). If you're not going to go the mental health NP route like some others suggest, then I'd absolutely apply to appropriate psych programs before you drop from your current program: you're as close as possible to the profs you like best for letters of recommendation; and if you have the next program lined up, any student loans you have will probably still be in their grace period as you're starting the next step. Get your grades back up as much as you can to show new programs you can stick it out no matter what (you've come so far! One last push!). I got all the way through psych masters before going finally going where I knew my heart really was in nursing. It's like a weight lifted off your soul when you're in the field you want, after so much stress and suffering! Having a light at the end of the tunnel makes the last bit easier -- if you have a psych program acceptance lined up it makes the last bit of any school you're miserable in feel that much easier.
TL;DR: Go with your heart, but go smart. If you must leave, leave with your GPA as strong as possible, and set yourself up to secure a psych program before you leave nursing school, and try not to get buried in student loan payments in between. Wishing you the very best!
I felt much the same way when I first went to school as a pre-vet student. I realized my heart wasn't in it and I wasn't going to enjoy it, but I'd already started and didn't want to tell my parents. I ended up getting telu depressed. Never continue making a mistake just because you've put a lot of time into it.
OTOH, being a psych NP seems to be a pretty good gig and you're this far. But if you hate nursing process that much, then yes, move on.
I was I a similar situation. I had always thought I wanted to be an English teacher but in the back of my mind I had wanted to become an Arab. But I listened to everyone around me saying that getting my RN wasn't smart and to get into education. So I got my BA and started teaching. I quit 5 years later and I just got accepted into nursing school :) I HATED every single day of teaching. Dreaded it.
You need to go with your gut. If you're not happy now, you won't be happy later. I suggest taking the credits you have an transferring. Instead of going through with RN school and landing yourself a job just to be that much further along and still hating what you do. You're young you have plenty of time to switch tracks :)
I don't know how many nursing classes you are taking but one option can be to drop the one you are failing and keep at least one nursing class. This at least keeps you in the program if you decide to go on with Nursing next semester. I do like that you are not thinking of quitting school altogether.
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I went on fluoxetine soon after. I felt GREAT performance wise. However, I did not study as much. I think that I needed anxiety as a motivator. Long story short, I ended up missing a test in Research that was 35% of the grade because I just had the time down wrong. I then had to drop Critical Care because my grade was so bad. We could ONLY fail or drop 2 classes with our nursing program. I took a semester off too, and HAD to go off of the fluoxetine because I couldn't see the school nurse when I was not enrolled. Didn't go back on it on my final semester, when I finally picked back up. I was a BALL of NERVES... however, I think that it motivated me and gave me the push I need to make it. If you love psych, stick it out if they'll let you! If they don't let you continue, pull yourself up by your bootstraps and continue towards your dreams. You're young and have plenty of time to get it figured out :)
MrChicagoRN, RN
2,610 Posts
You are so close, and many rotations are pretty un informative. I'd encourage you to take a closer look at psych nursing, Home - American Psychiatric Nurses Association
And take a look at psychiatric social workers and licensed therapists, both are similar to what you say you want, but require less training than a PhD
just get get all the information you need to make an informed choice.
Good luck