Severe Depression/Anxiety

Published

Hello all, I was looking for some advice from someone who may have gone through a similar situation as me.

I am 24 years old, have been an RN for just over 2 years now. I started off my job with severe anxiety, but chalked it up to being new and that it would get better. Well, now it's been 2 years and it's honestly only gotten worse, because now I have no hope of it getting better.

I hate the pressures of being a bedside nurse, I have panic attacks before work and cry nearly every single day. I moved from ICU to NICU thinking it would be better, because at least I would see more positive impact in patient's lives and seeing them progress. But honestly the anxiety is just worse because I am MORE connected to my patients. I just am so fearful of hurting someone. Not to mention the unit I got hired on is CHAOTIC and has the sickest babies in the metroplex.

Should i just give up bedside? Or is it still too soon? My personal life is great, so it's not that. I see therapists and have been on antidepressants, but they only help temporarily.

Sadly I have a 2 year contract with the hospital system I'm with, so I feel so stuck and hopeless. Its gotten so bad that I've considered just ending t all at times.

Any words of wisdom would be so appreciated by me. Thank you guys in advance.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Travel, Home Health, Med-Surg.

Nursing is hard stressful work and starting in ICU is not easy, neither is NICU. Is it possible to transfer to a different unit within the system again while still not breaking your contract. How much longer in your contract and what exactly will happen if you break it, find out, it might be worth it if you are that miserable. As far as the anxiety/depression I would see your provider STAT since you describe it as severe and I am not sure what you mean by end it all. You need to decompress and care for you, please do that!! (((Hugs)))

Up Vote Up Vote ×

There is a possibility of me transferring to a smaller NICU within the system, or to another unit. However I've only been at this system for 8 months. And my managers are terrible. Maybe I can talk to HR and see what the details are. Thank you for your response.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Sadly I have a 2 year contract with the hospital system I'm with, so I feel so stuck and hopeless. Its gotten so bad that I've considered just ending t all at times.

Please seek help. Please!!

No job is worth your life. No contract is worth your life. No patient is worth your life.

Your employer's business is of so little value compared to the lives of people who work there, I just can't even put it into words.

You, as a person, are of value, which is not dependent on any of this. You have already helped innumerable people in your short career, and now you need some help and care. This is life. It's okay.

Please seek professional advice right away.

1
Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Critical Care; Cardiac; Professional Development.

Oh sweetie. I am so sorry you are suffering. I have been there at times in my life and seeking help can feel like a huge uphill battle and I applaud you for reaching out.

Your life's work is very meaningful but very stressful. It sounds like you have not yet found a good internal methodology for coping; this could be from being in an environment not well suited to you or it could be a host of other things. Likely you will need a multi-pronged approach to getting yourself into a state of healing. Start first with your PCP and let them know you are struggling and could use some help. Medication can help a great deal. Once you start it, your body needs a few weeks before you start to see efficacy, so do this right away. Even if this is the only thing you can manage right now, do this.

Your employer likely has an EAP with a number of free visits allowed to a mental health professional. I would recommend this step next. Sometimes having someone to talk it all out with makes all the difference in the world.

Your idea to visit with HR and see what else may be available to you is also a good idea.

Lastly, start doing something that releases grief, anxiety and tension that gets held in your body. Yoga, meditation, getting a regular massage for a while, swimming, working out - all can help those endorphins kick in. Exercise is the most underutilized antidepressant out there. It can be difficult, though, when bogged down in the throes of the condition to do this. Start with simplicity - massage or meditation. Progress as medications and talk therapy kick in.

I hope you feel better soon. Sending you love and light.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in School Nurse, past Med Surge.

Sadly I have a 2 year contract with the hospital system I'm with, so I feel so stuck and hopeless. Its gotten so bad that I've considered just ending t all at times.

Any words of wisdom would be so appreciated by me. Thank you guys in advance.

Get yourself back to your therapist or the ER, like yesterday, and tell them this. No job is worth thoughts of ending your life. Nothing is worth thoughts of ending your life. Maybe you haven't found the right mix of meds yet. Don't give up. You are worth fighting for.

Please get some help.

1
Up Vote Up Vote ×

No job is worth feeling depressed and anxious, and not worth your LIFE. Please talk to HR, talk to your Employee Assistance Program (EAP) and get help immediately. I am sure you can get a medical leave of absence while you try to sort everything out. Yes, you signed a contract, but you are never stuck, never!

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in ICU, Home Health and Hospice.

I felt EXACTLY like this for the 3 years I worked in the hospital.

I started working as a visiting nurse, it has truly saved me. I feel so much better, all the time.

If you are anything like me, get out of the hospital. That's all it took for me to have a better outlook on life.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Lifeline

Please call them.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in CVICU, MICU, Burn ICU.

Oh honey. This is just a job. You are not alone -- you are in a very intense area, high stress, such that most people would not want to deal with or do not have the capacity to -- add management/unit chaos to the scenario and I can imagine how it would feel hopeless. But it's not hopeless. There are 1,000 other places for you to work. For real! Probably even in your same health system. But all that is secondary to you getting help right now. That's all going to work out. It will. But right now, YOU are the most important aspect of this scenario. Call the EAP line at work. They will help you to take next steps.

You're going to be OK. You are loved and valued and worth more than you can imagine. And there is work for you, on the other side of this depression, that will be the place for you to thrive and make the difference you want to make.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

First take care of you, then worry about work.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Med-Surg, Geriatrics, Wound Care.

You could see about getting into PACU or IR or something. A critical care with less "involvement" with the patients, since you only see them for a few hours.

Not saying to change your medications, but some antidepressants can make people more suicidal. You could talk with your prescriber or therapist to figure out if the medications could be negatively affecting your mood.

There are other organic things that could be causing your anxiety. Anything from neurological issues to kidney (adrenal gland) issues.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
+ Join the Discussion