Seriously?!?! You gotta be kidding me!

[~Mi Vida Loca~RN]

Ok here is another thread we can hopefully get going for nurse veterans and young nurses to see what's to come. What are some of the craziest chief complaints or diagnosis you have seen. I don't want to limit it to chief complaint because that tends to be associated with only emergency.

I could name so many but to start the 2 that made me roll my eyes and say Seriously??

Pt came in with a complaint of "excessive anal sweating" stated that his butt crack had profuse sweating and it was impeding his life. Even after D/C came back hours later for same thing. I can not tell you how hard it was to keep a straight face during that triage.

Another patient came in OFTEN with complaints of feeling faint after excessive masturbation. :| His last D/C he was instructed to cut back on masturbation but apparently it was still an issue and he would come in for near syncope.

[debirn918]

Actually have heard about the patient who got tired of sitting in the waiting room, stepped outside and called 911 for an ambulance. It was a short trip!

[Barmherzigkeit]

Back in my days as a banker, I had a client blow up at me because his account was overdrawn.

He was incredulous that his account could be overdrawn because, according to him, "I STILL HAVE PLENTY OF CHECKS IN MY CHECK BOOK".

I'm almost positive he is in one of these stories, LOL!!!

[Apple-Core, ASN, BSN, RN]

Anyone can get a date if they set their sights LOW enough.

You could always date the potato from the prolapse story?

[calivianya, BSN, RN]

Patient presented during a blizzard. Complaint: erectile dysfunction x 12 years. We did not solve his problem during that very brief visit.

I have a strong suspicion the patient was homeless and trying absolutely anything to get out of the snow... did I get it right?

Happened once when I worked at a hospital down in Georgia. It hardly ever gets cold enough to have ice/snow in that particular part of Georgia, but that day it did... and somehow this patient ended up on my unit for "chest pain." He, of course, had a normal ECG, normal blood pressure, looked normal, and his chest pain had mysteriously resolved. 0/10 pain all night - never asked for pain medicine once. I have a sneaking suspicion he actually got admitted just because he was a nice person and the doc felt as sorry for him as I did.

He was grateful to be given soapy washcloths so he could wash himself. He was grateful for the razor and shaving cream so he could shave off his beard. He said it was nice to get to watch television because he hardly ever got to, and he was very grateful for graham crackers and peanut butter, which he ate like he was never going to eat again. Everything was please and thank you, with a smile.

It was pitiful. He was one of the few homeless people I've had that was grateful instead of entitled - I bent over backwards to bring him things to eat and drink, as much as he wanted, all night. And he probably had at least 5000 calories' worth (really!) of pudding, juice, and peanut butter.

He never even hit the call bell once - he just waited for me to check on him because he didn't want to be a bother. His face lit up like a Christmas tree when I snuck extra hospital socks/toothpaste/deodorant into his patient belongings bag for him to take with him before I left in the morning.

I cried the whole way home.

[Ellie G]

It hurt when she urinated. They found 9 pencils in her bladder. How in the hell do you put 9 pencils in your urethra?

[beckysue920]

On a med-surg floor..."I didn't get my peanut butter balls!" Translated, after much consternation = phenobarbital.

Did you know that 'hairpiece' actually means herpes?

Some chief complaints in an STD clinic...."I've got bumps on my meat" Yep, he had genital warts (HPV)

"My dick's got a cold" It was gonorrhea!

It's a strange, strange world we live in and I wouldn't trade it in a minute!!

[beckysue920]

Calivianya, you were his angel. I got misty when I read your post. Thank you for taking such good care of him!!

[~Mi Vida Loca~RN, ASN, RN]

They usually come in by ambulance for two reasons:

1.) It's "free"

2.) So (they) "get seen quicker"

One of the funnier episodes I recall from my ER shifts was the young couple who came in; the female c/o belly pain (she added "and Tynol doesn't help"). The doc asked if she was sexually active, and the guy replied, "nahhh, she just lays there." No reaction from her, but we all managed to keep a straight face.

Ya really cannot make this stuff up...

Yea I know, but that night I had enough. Probably because we had hours of downtime. :|

I have had to try and diffuse many situations when the patient finds out the ambulance doesn't mean an automatic room and to the lobby with them. :|

[gigicali]

I literally just had an admit last night for chest pain/tachycardia. The patient had been at home eating when she thought she might be having an allergic reaction, so she used her Epi-pen (which she had had for 2+ years and never used before). Patient called 911 and was brought by ambulance to ER and admitted even after being in ER for 5 hours, vitals/labs stable. I asked the ER nurse during report "so she's being admitted for known side effects of epinephrine???!!!" Wow. Just wow.

[OlivetheRN, ADN, BSN, RN]

😂😂😂😂 well, we're the only hospital in the county and he may have been coming from the northern or southern part of the county. Who knows. Either way, from what I understand, his diagnosis was allergies and he threw a fit because he wasn't given antibiotics and narcotics for the "pressure and pain in his sinuses." 🙄

[Lunah, MSN, RN]

I have a strong suspicion the patient was homeless and trying absolutely anything to get out of the snow... did I get it right?

No, he was just bored, apparently. If he were homeless we would have let him stay! This guy lived down the street.

[serenity1]

A patient came in through triage for her scheduled 7am c-section and could not believe we bumped her surgery because her hubby stopped at McDonalds on the way in so she could eat breakfast....her response was "they told me not to eat anything at home before surgery but I ate it in the car". You seriously cannot make these stories up.