Seriously?!?! You gotta be kidding me!

[~Mi Vida Loca~RN]

Ok here is another thread we can hopefully get going for nurse veterans and young nurses to see what's to come. What are some of the craziest chief complaints or diagnosis you have seen. I don't want to limit it to chief complaint because that tends to be associated with only emergency.

I could name so many but to start the 2 that made me roll my eyes and say Seriously??

Pt came in with a complaint of "excessive anal sweating" stated that his butt crack had profuse sweating and it was impeding his life. Even after D/C came back hours later for same thing. I can not tell you how hard it was to keep a straight face during that triage.

Another patient came in OFTEN with complaints of feeling faint after excessive masturbation. :| His last D/C he was instructed to cut back on masturbation but apparently it was still an issue and he would come in for near syncope.

[WKShadowNP, DNP, APRN]

I went to put a foley in a patient once and noticed something off at the opening of her lady parts. It was a balloon of drugs with scratch lottery tickets wrapped around it. Ya know no big deal. Took the whole scratch and sniff to another level. Yes they were winning tickets which is why she held onto them.

There also was a patient that had a chlamydia infection in her stoma from letting men have sex with her there.

Had a one leg woman with severe crabs and no teeth come in. She was 8 months pregnant. Yet I can't even get a date. :|

Just some other times I said Seriously?!?!

I think you win.

Or lose depending on how you look at it.

SMH

[WKShadowNP, DNP, APRN]

I have a strong suspicion the patient was homeless and trying absolutely anything to get out of the snow... did I get it right?

Happened once when I worked at a hospital down in Georgia. It hardly ever gets cold enough to have ice/snow in that particular part of Georgia, but that day it did... and somehow this patient ended up on my unit for "chest pain." He, of course, had a normal ECG, normal blood pressure, looked normal, and his chest pain had mysteriously resolved. 0/10 pain all night - never asked for pain medicine once. I have a sneaking suspicion he actually got admitted just because he was a nice person and the doc felt as sorry for him as I did.

He was grateful to be given soapy washcloths so he could wash himself. He was grateful for the razor and shaving cream so he could shave off his beard. He said it was nice to get to watch television because he hardly ever got to, and he was very grateful for graham crackers and peanut butter, which he ate like he was never going to eat again. Everything was please and thank you, with a smile.

It was pitiful. He was one of the few homeless people I've had that was grateful instead of entitled - I bent over backwards to bring him things to eat and drink, as much as he wanted, all night. And he probably had at least 5000 calories' worth (really!) of pudding, juice, and peanut butter.

He never even hit the call bell once - he just waited for me to check on him because he didn't want to be a bother. His face lit up like a Christmas tree when I snuck extra hospital socks/toothpaste/deodorant into his patient belongings bag for him to take with him before I left in the morning.

I cried the whole way home.

I've had a few of those. They really tug on your heart strings.

Hugs to you.

[~Mi Vida Loca~RN, ASN, RN]

I think you win.

Or lose depending on how you look at it.

SMH

Those days it definitely felt like a loss! lol

[WKShadowNP, DNP, APRN]

My mom is a retired ER nurse. When I was about 7, I was playing outside, when my mom arrived, and she told me. "If you ever feel the need to shove a bottle of coke up your lady parts, DON'T DO IT!". I of course said OK and kept on playing, I had no idea you could shove things in the lady parts anyway... Many years later, I asked her why she said that to me, and she chuckled and said that they had brought a 14 year old girl with a GLASS coke bottle in her lady parts. It created a vacuum and the more she pulled on it, the more the bottle tried to crawl in there. They had a really hard time getting the sucker out, and the girl was not only totally embarrassed but also in terrible pain.

oh that reminds me of the girl with the cap off of a bottle of BIG SEXY brand mousse. She'd used the whole bottle with the cap on and then pulled the bottle, but the cap stayed. Very challenging extraction. And I swear it made a pop when it finally came out.

[3ringnursing, BSN]

Moment surgeon pulls out 18 TOOTHBRUSHES from a patient's stomach | Daily Mail Online

I guess this is actually a real reason to be in hospital.....but still......seriously HOW???????

At least it wasn't from the patient's rectum, lady parts, or urethra.

None of the above are clown cars!

[3ringnursing, BSN]

Actually have heard about the patient who got tired of sitting in the waiting room, stepped outside and called 911 for an ambulance. It was a short trip!

I work in telephone triage - I've had patients call who were in the car driving on there way to the ER, sitting in the parking lot of the ER, called because they were waiting too long in the ER, wanted to know since their PCP referred them to the ER if they had to wait like everyone else, argued because they had crushing chest pain and DIDN'T want to go to the ER, called with a serious problem but had no transportation and refused to call 911, or had called from an inpatient admission (hospital, SNF, rehab) to complain about X, Y & Z.

Not sure how I could intervene in any of these scenarios - but, yes you must wait just like everyone else, no I cannot resolve your medical problems over the phone, I am not a cab service … (and these I think in my head: if you are already on your way to the ER or outside the ER, then why did you call me obligating me to have to generate a triage note/document?).

My favorite though is the call at 2345 (when the shift ends at MN) …

after a long, meandering, circular story ensues - citing at least 10 vague symptoms (all unrelated) they then invariably ask me what is wrong with them? I call these: "Oracle! Tell me!" triage calls.

Contrary to the belief … I am not a Seer, a Prophet, or even Clairvoyant - and I certainly do not have crystal ball. You still need an appointment with a provider to evaluate you - in person. Dirty, no … they cannot diagnose you over the phone either.

[3ringnursing, BSN]

Doh! Duplicate.

[WKShadowNP, DNP, APRN]

I work in telephone triage - I've had patients call who were in the car driving on there way to the ER, sitting in the parking lot of the ER, called because they were waiting too long in the ER, wanted to know since their PCP referred them to the ER if they had to wait like everyone else, argued because they had crushing chest pain and DIDN'T want to go to the ER, called with a serious problem but had no transportation and refused to call 911, or had called from an inpatient admission (hospital, SNF, rehab) to complain about X, Y & Z.

Not sure how I could intervene in any of these scenarios - but, yes you must wait just like everyone else, no I cannot resolve your medical problems over the phone, I am not a cab service … (and these I think in my head: if you are already on your way to the ER or outside the ER, then why did you call me obligating me to have to generate a triage note/document?).

My favorite though is the call at 2345 (when the shift ends at MN) …

after a long, meandering, circular story ensues - citing at least 10 vague symptoms (all unrelated) they then invariably ask me what is wrong with them? I call these: "Oracle! Tell me!" triage calls.

Contrary to the belief … I am not a Seer, a Prophet, or even Clairvoyant - and I certainly do not have crystal ball. You still need an appointment with a provider to evaluate you - in person. Dirty, no … they cannot diagnose you over the phone either.

I think daily in triage I have said at least once, "We don't take reservations."

[~Mi Vida Loca~RN, ASN, RN]

I think daily in triage I have said at least once, "We don't take reservations."

Except some hospitals do now. BLEW MY MIND driving across county and seeing billboards to basically reserve your spot. Like call ahead seating or something. Ummmmm if you're issue is one that you can make a reservation for, it's not an emergency!!! So crazy.

[Lunah, MSN, RN]

Except some hospitals do now. BLEW MY MIND driving across county and seeing billboards to basically reserve your spot. Like call ahead seating or something. Ummmmm if you're issue is one that you can make a reservation for, it's not an emergency!!! So crazy.

They are basically making an urgent care appointment, but yeah. :-/

[Rose_Queen, BSN, MSN, RN]

They are basically making an urgent care appointment, but yeah. :-/

But that's what the urgent care centers are for! There are about 15 within 20 miles of me. THere's no reason for any ER to be taking "reservations", yet all 4 hospitals do.

[~Mi Vida Loca~RN, ASN, RN]

But that's what the urgent care centers are for! There are about 15 within 20 miles of me. THere's no reason for any ER to be taking "reservations", yet all 4 hospitals do.

Exactly, the ER should not be encouraging this. I mean there are literally urgent cares now that offer their own almost "care credit" plans that aren't even based off your credit. So many options. In fact I just popped into an UC this week. I needed abx and I knew I needed them. I had tried to hope the issue would resolve even though I had a feeling it would. I tried some home therapies. My best friend told me I better stop being stubborn and go get abx. She would have called me some in but they are really cracking down on that when there is no chart associated with the RX. So I called primary and appointment was weeks out. So I caved and went to one of the fast med urgent cares or something like that. They state on there they can pretty much function as a same day clinic as well. I was in and out. Saw the PA, he was wonderful and gave me what I told him I needed because I knew what worked in the past. I was literally there for less than 45 minutes. They also treat at least 50% (if not more) of the things we see come into the ER.

Just imagine how less bogged down the ER's would be if people utilized their options. But shoot why bother when the hospital billboards are encouraging you to reserve your spot in the ER.