Seriously?!?! You gotta be kidding me!

[~Mi Vida Loca~RN]

Ok here is another thread we can hopefully get going for nurse veterans and young nurses to see what's to come. What are some of the craziest chief complaints or diagnosis you have seen. I don't want to limit it to chief complaint because that tends to be associated with only emergency.

I could name so many but to start the 2 that made me roll my eyes and say Seriously??

Pt came in with a complaint of "excessive anal sweating" stated that his butt crack had profuse sweating and it was impeding his life. Even after D/C came back hours later for same thing. I can not tell you how hard it was to keep a straight face during that triage.

Another patient came in OFTEN with complaints of feeling faint after excessive masturbation. :| His last D/C he was instructed to cut back on masturbation but apparently it was still an issue and he would come in for near syncope.

[TriciaJ, RN]

My requirements:

W2 (not for income, but to verify you're working)

Drug Screen

Background check

Proof of divorce

STD check

3 personal references and 2 employer references.

Do you think that's too much??? I've been single for 5 years. Could this be why???

Sincerely,

Hopeless in Wilmington

Yes, it's why you're single for 5 years. It's why you've not spent the past 5 years supporting a useless freeloader with creditors and critters. I waited 9 years for a good one. So worth it.

[~Mi Vida Loca~RN, ASN, RN]

didn't realize that putting things in one's lady parts for safe-keeping was such a big thing.

.

Absolutely, I heard some woman have even kept tiny little people up there!! The lady parts has no limits!

[OlivetheRN, ADN, BSN, RN]

Absolutely, I heard some woman have even kept tiny little people up there!! The lady parts has no limits!

:roflmao:

[OlivetheRN, ADN, BSN, RN]

I had a guy come in the other night. Rolls in on the EMS stretcher checking his own carotid pulse. Ooookaaaay. Then starts demanding that we HAVE to do something because his heart is going to explode and he's going to diiiiie. EMS tried giving him some versed to chill him out with no luck. Our dear friend decided to do some ecstasy and cocaine and then SURPRISE started to have chest pain and tachycardia and was anxious as all %^*#. I got to spend the next 4 hours alternating between resisting the urge to strangle him with his call bell and trying to get it through his head that it's perfectly normal for your heart rate to have variations when you change position and then trying not to pass out from the smell emanating from my patient I. The next room.

[Avid reader]

It hurt when she urinated. They found 9 pencils in her bladder. How in the hell do you put 9 pencils in your urethra?

They were DRAWN up!

[Avid reader]

Legit there is this phenomenon that woman think a lady parts is a flippen purse. We had a psych patient that was stripped down yet went in the bathroom and smoked. She hid a pack of smokes and lighter up her lady parts. :|

Talk about, Fire down Below!

[Avid reader]

Had a one leg woman with severe crabs and no teeth come in. She was 8 months pregnant. Yet I can't even get a date. :|

How could you tell the crabs had no teeth?

[Avid reader]

didn't realize that putting things in one's lady parts for safe-keeping was such a big thing. We did have a woman that "kept" her Fentanyl patches there so no one would steal them from her while she was sleeping (she lived in a group home)

Not to mention my first experience with a pessary (I was a fairly new grad and had not had any experience with them). I had an older woman who needed to be dis-impacted. She shot that thing out of her lady parts all the way across the room. After that happened 2 more times, I told her maybe we should wait until we were done getting the feces out of her rectum.

Must have been a .457 Magnum caliber lady parts with a hair trigger!

[Orca, ADN, ASN, RN]

About 40+ years ago, a teenage me, working as an orderly, gets called to a male patient's room to assist him. I walk into the bathroom, where there is blood everywhere. He had pulled out his foley - with the balloon still inflated - because "I thought that I had to take it out before taking a bath."

My sister, ER RN in a major metropolitan teaching hospital, sees a single mother with her nine (yes, you read that correctly) children.

"Which one do you want to have seen?"

"All of them." Colds and such.

Many years after the first story, an RN me (with the teen years so long ago that they almost didn't happen), hospital adult mental health unit. Young male patient, allegedly homeless, but constantly on the phone. I remember thinking that this guy certainly had a lot of people to call for someone who supposedly lived on the streets. First day of the month, chatting with one of his buddies. "I will tell them that I'm still suicidal for a couple more days, and by then my welfare check should be in." Immediately called the psychiatrist, and our young friend hit the streets a couple of days earlier than he had planned on.

[~Mi Vida Loca~RN, ASN, RN]

Another posters question reminded me of another one. Ties into the topic of lady partss that seems so popular as well. and this was another case of the patient being legit.

I was a brand new little baby nurse, so much to learn. Patient came in with a migraine and we gave the migraine cocktail. Still having issues so go to give her another med. Within about a minute the patient starts squirming around her bed and starts saying "my lady parts" "oh sweet jesus my lady parts is on FIRE", I am looking at this patient with my eyebrow cocked with I am sure my best WTF expression on my face and she just keeps repeating it. Then about a minute later she says it's subsiding and takes a deep breath and calms down. She said she was better now.

I go out to my preceptor and was like "my patient just lost her mind" and I told her what happened. Her and the other nurse start laughing and she was like "I am so sorry, I forgot to tell you to be careful and warn the patient because if they aren't prepared that is a common side effect"

FYI it happens to males as well I later found out.

Second FYI, if you give it to a teenager you can use it as a learning opportunity to give them a heads up that unsafe sex can often lead to similar sensation and the parents might even smile and high five you. So I heard.

I am not going to post the name of the medication because I have no doubt someone eagerly will. lol

[WKShadowNP, DNP, APRN]

Oh yeah. That one is good for that. Happened a few times.

[NotAllWhoWandeRN, ASN, RN]

Oh yeah. That one is good for that. Happened a few times.

Code blue, I am dying of curiosity.