Senior RN Student w/ Jealous Husband!!!

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Hello All!!!

I am tired of keeping this to myself and suffering alone.

Here is a little background, my husband has a history of both emotional and physical abuse. Whenever I stood up, he pushed me down by reminding me of my past ( which is very, very painful ).

Before I started nursing school a few years ago, I had a horrible bout with major depression; I had no plans but knew that I needed to support my three babies (which are teens now). As I got more education, he became even more jealous. As long as I was depressed and dependent, he was happy.

Now that I am graduating next week, he needs me to "appreciate and respect" him because now I am "high on a horse." Last year, my husband and I argued and he was yelling about how I couldn't pay bills or keep a job - for heaven's sake, I was attending Nursing School (BSN program, mind you).

I literally scratched a hole in my head due to anxiety. True story...

While I was in my Pediatric rotation, I needed a little kid to do developmental tests on. He bought me a baby from his "friend."

The next day, he sat in front of the family and introduced us to his daughter - which was the child that he bought to me for testing!!! I was in RAGE; not only because of his infidelity but the way he introduced the child (whose mother has 5 other children and has been calling and hanging up).

I AM getting tested!!!

I can go on forever with this story, but I just need advise. Not on how I should divorce this creep ... but that I am on Workers' comp and get pennies; I was injured picking up a patient.

I can not pay to take the NCLEX and I want to start my career and my LIFE!!! His income is greater than mine and I have no family here. It is a very painful period in my life - along with it being the happiest. I am the first in my entire family to get a degree.

I am so stressed I just need you guys!!! :crying2:

I can't believe you have made it this long, so I commend you on that. Get your license. I know it's hard to be around this guy, but get your license, don't give up! Don't let him get in the way of you getting your license! If you can't take it anymore, get far far away from him!

Your happiness is the number one priority. There are lawyers that work pro-bono, check your state board. Please find a lawyer and make this jerk:mad: (would like to say some other obscenities too) pay alimony and child support. Also, contact the local government offices to see what kind of financial assistance you can get at the moment. Please check out local women's centers. They will help you emotionally and they will help you get back on your feet, and you will be a stronger woman because of it.

If he has a history of physical abuse, get out before you send him divorce papers. Sneak out when he is at work, do whatever it takes.

Good luck to you! My prayers are with you and your family, except him. Although I may have sent a few nasty prayers in regards to him... whoops!:lol2:

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Guy has a serious inferiority complex leave as soon as you can. Also sounds as if he's afraid you'll get this degree and move on to meet/work with and maybe even be with a better person

If you can pull a loan to take your Nclex do so. The Salvation Army is non for helping with these types of situations (most people think they are only good for providing clothing)

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are you in a position where you are close to your family physically to lean on them for any kind of support; helping with your children, connections to lawyers (pro-bono lawyer is a great idea) or even moving in with them temporarily. i know firsthand that getting out of a toxic relationship is one of the hardest things to do. you end becoming pulled into the sickness, just as the sickness is a part of your abuser, however it is not your fault. it is possible to detach yourself and your children from this spiral.

a few things to really take into consideration . . . it takes an individual just as long to 'walk out of the forest as it did to walk in'. meaning that you have been in this toxic relationship for a long time, it will take a long time to heal. also you have no power over people, places and things, only power to control yourself and your actions. if proper steps are taken to free yourself from the grips of an abuser you will find happiness. as someone stated in an earlier response, it is only something that can be handled one day at a time. you have done so much good and made so much progress in such a tough situation. i hope you realize that you are able to overcome this too. also there are support groups for people in your situation, they are especially found in hospital settings (meeting rooms). i am praying for you and your family that you find strength and peace.

i'm sorry if any of this sounds preachy, certainly wasn't meant to be. just a few quick strong things that i hope will help you begin to heal.

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Specializes in Gyn/STD clinic tech.

you are an amazing, strong, and courageous woman, congrats on making it so far with so little. you are truly an inspiration that if one gives it their all, if you really try, you can overcome anything.

kudos..

i actually second a battered women's shelter. i volunteer at one.. we give free legal advice, as well as help women get on their feet. i am sure that they could help you take the ncclex through donations used to support women in shleters.

my shelter paid for a woman to take her cna exam, she did not have the 90+ dollars to take it. they knew it would help her succeed.

ayway, unsolicited advice, i know.

you are strong, you will get through this somehow, i just know it.

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I just kicked my husband out of the house two months ago and could not be happier, but I am in a different situation then you are. Anyway, I have one child and another on the way. I knew that I had enough of my husband's games and him cheating on me and I would stop at nothing to get rid of him. I am pregnant and unemployed so I am not doing well money wise. I guess what I am trying to say is that you will really know when it is time to end you relationship with your spouse. You have to be strong and just make it through.

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Vampymegs,

God Bless You. Your words were not preachy at all; they inspired me to move forward. I do not have any friends or family members here, my family is in the south and I am on the west coast. As you may know, I don't go out for coffee or dinner with classmates or I am accused of God knows what. My kids and I have lived this way in the past and I am just DONE. My education has "made me so important", according to him; I downplay it to keep the peace (SO sad). My children are older and would make it a sticky situation in a shelter environment (I checked). I hope that in the coming months that my post will become happier. Thank you for your words... I have a lot of work to do...

~Mommalumps~

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you are an amazing, strong, and courageous woman, congrats on making it so far with so little. you are truly an inspiration that if one gives it their all, if you really try, you can overcome anything.

kudos..

i actually second a battered women's shelter. i volunteer at one.. we give free legal advice, as well as help women get on their feet. i am sure that they could help you take the ncclex through donations used to support women in shleters.

my shelter paid for a woman to take her cna exam, she did not have the 90+ dollars to take it. they knew it would help her succeed.

ayway, unsolicited advice, i know.

you are strong, you will get through this somehow, i just know it.

thank you and god bless you,junebugfairy,

i have a slight delimma,i have a history of domestic violence, yet i have no record of the emotional and financial abuse that i have experience since being here. can i still get help. as i stated earlier, my children are older. i called seveal places and they said that this is a problem. i have no finances at this point and this is extremely frustating. i am going to continue to search until i find an open door or my own way.thank you, again for your support...

~mommalumps~

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I just kicked my husband out of the house two months ago and could not be happier, but I am in a different situation then you are. Anyway, I have one child and another on the way. I knew that I had enough of my husband's games and him cheating on me and I would stop at nothing to get rid of him. I am pregnant and unemployed so I am not doing well money wise. I guess what I am trying to say is that you will really know when it is time to end you relationship with your spouse. You have to be strong and just make it through.

Thank you rosey2007cna!!! I love your attitude!!!

It is getting to that point for me, yet this schumk will use his bullying techniques and lots of drama that will SURELY involve the children. Which I am trying to avoid at all costs. God Bless you and I hope that you have support and that all goes well for you..

~Mommalumps~

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Just want to say everyone here has given you great advice. You must be a strong person to get through nursing school while living in an abusive relationship. You're incredible! Incredible enough to make a plan to exit this insanity. I second contacting the women's shelter - I know it's not always easy or safe to attempt an escape alone. We are all standing beside you in spirit and urging you on!!!

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I completely agree with contacting a women's shelter. I understand the sticky situation that the children will present having been in those shoes myself. Like a previous post mentioned, is there a church or similar organization that you could go to for help with the money to pay for your exam? Do your children have friends that they could stay with while you managed to get out of the situation? Do the shelters in your area have housing that's like a half-step between a regular home and a shelter environment? Is there subsidized housing in your area that gives priority to women in abusive relationships with the supporting documentation? Can your family back home help with paying for the exam (by sending the money to you through Western Union etc.)? Like I said, I congratulate you om naking it this far. There is a solution to the problem, it just might require some creative thinking.

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How much is the NCLEX there? Can you sell plasma or something to raise the money, if you can't borrow it elsewhere? It sounds like you have your head on straight and you are capable.

I am "high on a horse."
LOL! Did you tell him he could saddle up his own pony and ride along? >;-D

How about you all stay in the home, and HE leaves? Infidelity and a child are rather enough grounds. I know women who have filed for divorce, and when they served the papers, that kicked the husband out of the house and they could get the locks changed and ban him from the home. I even know one woman who was having an affair, her husband wasn't, and she filed for divorce, changed the locks, and he was not even allowed to pick up his clothes. He had to go through "the authorities" in order to be able to get anything back. She kept his motorcycle, his car hauler, and all of his clothes and personal property until the law said she had to give them to him. He was at work, was served there, and she already had the locks changed and the cops there when he came home. Cops told him to leave.

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Oh, another thought: Some men are just jerks, and they become bitter and mean old-loser jerks when they hit middle-age. He might be baiting you to over-react so that he can call the cops on you. Watch out for "crazy-making," because he might come off as the sane one and you the irrational one. So, if he tries to push your buttons, and it sounds like he already is, just don't react.

So what if he brings up your past. The past is past, and it can't be changed. You not have a little dirt to dish on him, so forget the past and move on to the future. Counseling will help you to regain your balance and to keep your perspective. All divorces are dirty and nasty, so don't feel guilty about that. My ex and I started out with an amicable split, but by the time it was finalized 6 months later, we no longer even speak to each other. That's just the way that goes. Get you license, get your back injury healed, work on your career, focus on your children's future and your future.

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