Senior RN Student w/ Jealous Husband!!!

Nursing Students Student Assist

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Hello All!!!

I am tired of keeping this to myself and suffering alone.

Here is a little background, my husband has a history of both emotional and physical abuse. Whenever I stood up, he pushed me down by reminding me of my past ( which is very, very painful ).

Before I started nursing school a few years ago, I had a horrible bout with major depression; I had no plans but knew that I needed to support my three babies (which are teens now). As I got more education, he became even more jealous. As long as I was depressed and dependent, he was happy.

Now that I am graduating next week, he needs me to "appreciate and respect" him because now I am "high on a horse." Last year, my husband and I argued and he was yelling about how I couldn't pay bills or keep a job - for heaven's sake, I was attending Nursing School (BSN program, mind you).

I literally scratched a hole in my head due to anxiety. True story...

While I was in my Pediatric rotation, I needed a little kid to do developmental tests on. He bought me a baby from his "friend."

The next day, he sat in front of the family and introduced us to his daughter - which was the child that he bought to me for testing!!! I was in RAGE; not only because of his infidelity but the way he introduced the child (whose mother has 5 other children and has been calling and hanging up).

I AM getting tested!!!

I can go on forever with this story, but I just need advise. Not on how I should divorce this creep ... but that I am on Workers' comp and get pennies; I was injured picking up a patient.

I can not pay to take the NCLEX and I want to start my career and my LIFE!!! His income is greater than mine and I have no family here. It is a very painful period in my life - along with it being the happiest. I am the first in my entire family to get a degree.

I am so stressed I just need you guys!!! :crying2:

Specializes in ER/Trauma, Home Care, Corrections.

I have been an RN for over 30 years and have heard all of this before, many times. The cause of your depression, etc. is largely your relationship with a jealous and controlling man who has stolen your dignity. You deserve better. You have made tremendous progress toward recovery and a better life, but it will not get betyter with him, for sure. Now finish what you started. Complete Nursing School, get a job and dump him. There is no reason to warn him. Just do it. If you don't get out of the relationship, his behavior toward you will get worse, not better after you graduate. Do what ever you have to do to protect yourself-- move to another state if you have to. The guy may be dangerous and you owe him NOTHING. Good luck and God Bless!

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Specializes in CNA.

To me it seems he just don't like that you are doing better them him...poor little him..blah..kick him to the curb...You made it this far which shows you are a strong woman and will do great without him..Good luck in all you do.

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Girl, get a lawyer, a restraining order and go to a shelter. Get your life back. Sorry if this sounds harsh but you can not take care of others if you can't take care of yourself. Nursing is FULL of nurses with dysfunctional lives, abusive alcoholic husbands , ungrateful mulnipulitive children and other family members. Either you get it together break free or become just one more angry, bitter, burned out nurse looking for fulfilment from taking care of others... called co-dependency.

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I really feel for you, and I understand what you are going through. Although my husband is in no way abusive (my first husband was so I understand that, too), he can get insecure and jealous. It is very taxing emotionally, and it can make you feel isolated. Please don't let that diminish your pride in your hard work.

Now to the important stuff - is your extended family supportive of you? Do they know what is going on? Is your relationship with them good enough that you could rely on them for financial and emotional help if you were to move to their area? If so, you might consider packing up your kids and moving them to that state. You could take the NCLEX there and get licensed in that state. Then you would be putting physical distance between you and your husband. Is he abusive to the children?

Two things: Write everything down! Keep documentation of everything he does and says that are abusive for future use. Also, see if you can consult with a pro bono lawyer about abandonment clauses in your state. Ask him/her if you can legally take the children away, and what you would need to do or provide to the court to leave legally.

I know that you might not be ready to actually leave. I wasn't for a long time. If not, please try to figure out a way to take the NCLEX, pass it, and start establishing yourself. Keep a safe deposit box, a P.O. box with a secret bank account, and a bag packed for an emergency situation. It is important to have a back-up plan even if you are planning to stay in the relationship. You are obviously a strong woman. I know that a man like that can make you feel as if you are nothing. Don't listen to it. Keep your focus and stay safe. Remember, you need to protect your children both physically and emotionally. They have probably witnessed too much as it is. If you are able to accomplish your goals, you will be showing them that they can get out of a bad situation as well. Hopefully, they will understand that it is unacceptable for a woman to be treated that way; and if you have boys, that it is unacceptable for them to treat women that way.

I will be praying for you. God will provide the strength that you need. Call on Him. Please keep us posted on your progress. And congratulations on finishing school even through these tough times.http://icons.an-file.info/icon14.gif

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One day at a time. But I truly support you in your new future as a nurse. Please keep moving forward and make something of yourself. Keep your head high!!! Do you know why he treats you so badly? Because he has low esteem HIMSELF and it makes him feel better to treat you in a bad way. Makes him the BIGGER person in his eyes. Keep moving in the wonderful direction you are going - get your license, and go look for a job! You go girl! :yeah:You are your own best friend!!!

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Specializes in Geriatrics/Retirement Residence.

mommalumps, you are an incredibly strong woman, wow! :eek: I wish I can give you a big bear hug!:o (and kick his a**! :mad:) I can't give you advice, I just really hope everything works out and soon! Good luck to you and your kids, and congrats for making it through NS in such a hostile situation, it's amazing! xoxoxo :o

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Specializes in Med-Surg, Oncology, Emergency Nursing.

Hey hun,

I'm coming from a very similar situation here...

I had about 7 months left to my RN program when my husband decided I was cheating on him with another nursing student. I suffered severe psychological and emotional abuse, not to mention the financial troubles he put us through in retaliation. I am also a mother of 2 young children. One night, he tried to take away my only mode of transportation, which would've resulted in my missing a clinical - a MASSIVE no-no. Long story short, I managed to steal away in the car and promptly received permission to leave clinical after 2 hours of sleep to head to the court house and take out a protective order. That was the last night he ever spent in the home. I made it through nursing school with the financial support and help of family, including my dear mother who lived with us and still does to this day. The women's center on my campus was an invaluable source of information and emotional support while I tried to stay the course, attending school and running back and forth to court as well. I passed my NCLEX in April. Divorce still isn't final, and there are many battles I am fighting through the courts...but YOU CAN DO IT!!!

You are not alone. I have actually seen this time and again, with classmates and other nurses I have spoken to. One classmate's husband actually burned her textbooks and uniforms...I don't know why we nurses/nursing students seem to be attached to these men who are so abusive and intimidated by our meeting these important life goals, but we are.

I wish I could be on the same coast as you to at least give you a huge hug. Don't lose your grip...that's what they want. You have all of my prayers tonight dear. Keep your eye on the prize, where there is a will, there is a way.

Yours,

Jessica L. McHugh

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This could be my life-for the most part. I had to work full time,go to school full time, and raise 2 kids(as well as cook,etc).The whole time he would hit me, verbally abuse me-just whatever he felt like. I finished my LVN first only to find that jobs were scarce. I found a bridge program and took that. RN at last!After 21 years of hell, I was able to stand on my own.The hospital I worked at had a battered womens program.They helped me get a restraining order and found an attorney to help get the divorce started. 10 years later-the scars are healing.You can do this! I will pray for you and am so sorry that you are going through this. God bless you.

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Specializes in Trauma ICU, MICU,Tele. PCU, IMC.

FYI you might run into some more financial issues when you file for divorce. A friend of mine was in the same situation, and the husband sued her for spousal support and won, because he had 'supported' her financially through nursing school, therefore she owes him 50% of everything she makes for the next 5 years. That was a deeper hole that she had to get out of. So make sure you have a good lawyer and cover your bases.

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Specializes in GENERAL, ICU, ADMIN,EDUCATION,.

Keep on trying to get a place and move out of this relationship as soon as you can ...you are a smart woman. Good luck

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My God! You are living my life! My heart bleeds for you. I know EXACTLY what you are going through. I would love to pay for your NCLEX and provide you with the set of KAPLAN books/flashcards that got me through it. You deserve a good life. I know the uphill struggle it takes to maintain some semblence of sanity while dealing with a disfunctional, abusive, insecure male, that does everything in his power to degrade and humiliate, and stripe you of your identity. God doesn't like ugly, and he will get his in due time. I will pray for you. [email protected].

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FYI you might run into some more financial issues when you file for divorce. A friend of mine was in the same situation, and the husband sued her for spousal support and won, because he had 'supported' her financially through nursing school, therefore she owes him 50% of everything she makes for the next 5 years. That was a deeper hole that she had to get out of. So make sure you have a good lawyer and cover your bases.

If you have made up your mind to leave you may want to get it finalized before you pass your boards and get a nursing job. That way any support granted won't be based on your new higher salary. thats what deadbeat dads do all the time.

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