Senior RN Student w/ Jealous Husband!!!

merrywhiterose · Jun 17, 2010

You have a lot to look forward to! Get your degree, pass the boards, squirrel some money away to leave that man! I lived with a husband like that and felt like I was in a cage. Your kids will love you for leaving him. He is not the partner for you. After you leave him, file for divorce, then get some counseling so you won't repeat this. You don't want to be stuck with another guy like this. I got counseling for 6 months and it did wonders! Your doctor can recommend a therapist, or look in the yellow pages for Psychiatrists. YOU NEED HELP! Good luck to you, and just think of what you can do with your life WITHOUT him!!!

FutureMaleOhioNurse, BSN, RN · Jun 17, 2010

Wow! You're an amazing person! To experience your husband's abuse AND making it through a BSN is simply amazing. That portrays your strength and determination. If you got this far successfully, you shouldn't have any problems getting through the rocky future. I have faith in you and know that you will protect your children from having them witness the fights, abuse, etc. They don't need to witness and/or be a part of anything that is between you and your husband. My momma raised me to treat girls like queens and cannot comprehend how/why he's treating you like that, but rest assured that there is someone out there that will treat you and your children the way you all should be treated. I'm a Christian and when I encounter something that is beyond my control, I give it to God. Here are a few scriptures (and quick little explanations) that I want you to read and meditate on. As always, begin with a litlle prayer - tell Him your problems and He will listen. These verses will help you, as they've helped me:

Psalms 4:8, 9:9-10, 46:1-3 (Know God loves you and wants to help you

through your problems)

1 Peter 5:7 (Give all your worries and problems to God. . .through prayer)

Matthew 11:28-30 (Jesus is gentle; He will give you rest)

Phillipians 4:6-7 (When we give our problems to God, He promises to give us

PEACE)

Beckyap · Jun 17, 2010

LEAVE HIM! I have been through the same thing. It is not better for the children, he will never change. YOU DESERVE BETTER! My husband left and filed for divorce as soon as I was accepted into nursing school, he then dragged me into court for custody of our children because I was "mentally unstable". It is not easy but I would never go back to that life. He in not jealous. He is an abuser.

merrywhiterose · Jun 18, 2010

Your husband is only thinking about himself, and wants you to feel guilt. He doesn't want you to be better than him, so he'll manipulate your feelings. You need to get away from this guy as soon as you are able to. I left my husband and I had no money, no job, nothing. But I moved in with a distant relative and got on my feet. Now I'm with a wonderful man that supports everything I do. YOU can be on your own feet, too. Your kids are suffering in this relationship. Don't keep putting it off for their benefit!

MaritesaRN · Jun 18, 2010

Hello All!!!
I am tired of keeping this to myself and suffering alone.
Here is a little background, my husband has a history of both emotional and physical abuse. Whenever I stood up, he pushed me down by reminding me of my past ( which is very, very painful ).
Before I started nursing school a few years ago, I had a horrible bout with major depression; I had no plans but knew that I needed to support my three babies (which are teens now). As I got more education, he became even more jealous. As long as I was depressed and dependent, he was happy.
Now that I am graduating next week, he needs me to "appreciate and respect" him because now I am "high on a horse." Last year, my husband and I argued and he was yelling about how I couldn't pay bills or keep a job - for heaven's sake, I was attending Nursing School (BSN program, mind you).
I literally scratched a hole in my head due to anxiety. True story...
While I was in my Pediatric rotation, I needed a little kid to do developmental tests on. He bought me a baby from his "friend."
The next day, he sat in front of the family and introduced us to his daughter - which was the child that he bought to me for testing!!! I was in RAGE; not only because of his infidelity but the way he introduced the child (whose mother has 5 other children and has been calling and hanging up).
I AM getting tested!!!
I can go on forever with this story, but I just need advise. Not on how I should divorce this creep ... but that I am on Workers' comp and get pennies; I was injured picking up a patient.
I can not pay to take the NCLEX and I want to start my career and my LIFE!!! His income is greater than mine and I have no family here. It is a very painful period in my life - along with it being the happiest. I am the first in my entire family to get a degree.
I am so stressed I just need you guys!!!

Oh mamalumps..... what is happening to you w/ the husband getting insecured because of your new career is nothing new. Half of my classmates almost dropped out because of stress from immature and insecure husbands !

I was already separated from him when I started my actual RN tour and clinical, so I was okay , but my other classmates were so pressured , some of them dropped out !!!! Hope those marriages are still working out , ,cause that is a high price to pay to keep the marriage (your career) .............besides this is the time to see as to what your husband is really made out of!

You are done so you are almost in the finish line. Beg, borrow and whatever, to get your test done !!!! Get this done first , and then see what is the next problem to tackle...."one thing at a time ". :nurse:

And we are with you. We shared the same craziness during the nurse training.

Doc Lori, R.N. · Jun 19, 2010

Wow..you are stronger than you realize. I say that because to admit that you are having a really hard time takes alot of courage. Good For You! You deserve joy and peace and happiness! Believe it or not, we energetically "invite" circumstances into our lives for the sake of growth, strength and general advancement or our life's purpose. To me, you easily fall into the Wounded Healer Archetypal category. (Interesting concept-Jungian, fun to read about! I can tell that you are also a sweet and compassionate and caring soul. You will know what to do. One step after the other. "You Create Your Path By Walking On It".

Feel what you feel, do what you do, all is as it should be, right this very second :)

sk8inghunny · Jun 19, 2010

Oh please keep us posted with your situation! I'm sorry you are going through this, but everyone is right .... you are strong to have made it through nursing school while enduring all of this.

mstennison · Jun 19, 2010

I truly understand what you are going through. I am a survivor of domestic violence myself and have been free for 7 years! I am not sure what state you live in but here in Texas I was relocated and provided rental assistance from the Texas Crime Victims Assistance. You can be a rape, domestic violence, harrassment, or abuse victim. They also provided counseling for me and my children. You can also apply for the Womens Independence Scholarship for survivors of domestic violence. The website is: http://www.sunshinelady.org/. Remember inorder to take advantage of these programs you must leave the abusive enviroment. I would also try the financial aid office and local churches and women's organizations. Remember one thing! He doesn't want you to become independent of him and this is the reason he beats you done verbally. I hope this helps and good luck to you!

radmom · Jun 19, 2010

There is an organization called modest needs. They provide small grants for situations like yours. contact them at modestneeds.com

Good Luck!

2brn09 · Jun 19, 2010

Wow! I congratulate you on your desire to be free from this toxic relationship. I lived in the home with a mother who suffered physical, verbal, and emotional abuse. My mom had 5 children and my dad hated her. She was 11 yrs younger than him and he hated or resented the fact that she was beautiful. My dad had a lot of anger and hatred because at 12 had to quit school and take care of his mother in which his father left them. This is no excuse for your husband or any man to treat a wife with children. Your husband will most definitely reap what he sows. Trust me God is not mocked, whatsover a man soweth he shall also reapeth. The world says it like this, what goes around comes around.

You and your children safety is priority. Your children is suffering from the abuse as well. I would ask my mother from a child when was my dad going to die? I felt because he was so ugly to her that God would allow something bad to happen to him, but God was merciful on him and he paid for his wrong doings.

Get that degree for you, pass that nclex for you, get the license for you, and get that job for you. When it's all said and done no one will be able to take it away from you. Your children are proud of you, even if they can't say it right now. They have seen you stand in the midst of adversity and you will by far succeed. Pray and God will see you through this. That which has not killed you has only made you stronger.

Rise up and know that you have a family here and we all want the best for you. I pray that you will succeed in every endeavour of your life. You don't have to tolerate the insecurities of a jealous husband. I've heard stories as yours and you know what? They All Made It as you will.

Be strong and courageous! you have an inner strength in you to continue. Tell yourself every day. I am stronger, i'm wiser , and i'm better. Once you pass your boards post here, I want to send you a cd by Marvin Sapp entitled "I Never Would Have Made It and He Saw The Best In Me"

God bless you and keep you. He loves you more than anyone could ever because he made you and gave his only begotten son for you.

:yeah:I CONGRATULATE YOU:yeah: :nurse: :redbeathe

tobesmartt · Jun 20, 2010

When able ...get out !! when able ...get out!! when able..... get ouT !!!

Designer · Jun 21, 2010

Dear Senior RN Student,

You sure you aren't married to my ex-husband? Had the identical thing happen to me, in the late 70's. I divorced him, put myself through college to get my RN, graduated and made my own way and supported my family as an RN. (He never seemed to have the time or money, and I was tired of forcing the issue). Eight years later, I met the REAL Mr. Right. We married 2 years later and will celebrate 25 years of wedded bliss next September. In short, It's not you, Honey. It's HIM! It's really not your job to sort it out, for him. You just need to move on!