Rude Family Memebers!!!

jodyangel, RN · Jul 9, 2006

They're sometimes rude because they're very upset with their family member being in the home, and they don't know how to deal with it. They're dealing with loads of guilt even tho its whats best in most cases.

Best thing is to take a deep breath and take the time to talk with the family members. Remember they've heard all the horror storys about what can go on in nursing homes with neglect ect..so unfortionately you can be the one they vent their frustrations on.

Patience is whats needed in these situations. Loads of it. Hopefully once they see that you are doing a good job with their family member they will be on your side.

NurseguyFL · Jul 9, 2006

You just have to see the situation for what it is and not take it personally. Most of these people do not like to deal with sickness, death, or to see the deteriorating condition of their family members. They are angry and frustrated at the sitution, not you. If they get nasty to the point of being abusive that is a different matter, and you are not obliged to take that from anyone.

Whenever I have to work with difficult people like this I find it helpful to tell them what I am going to do for the patient before I begin. Once they realize that I am trying to help most of the time they calm down and let me do what I have to do without any more problems.

allnurses Guide · Jul 9, 2006

Remember it's the uniform they are mad at, not the you that wears it, because it represents the nursing home they feel guilty about.

As above, talking to the family and the patient about what you are doing helps, make sure they see you treating mom or dad as a human, not a chore.

CaseManager1947 · Jul 9, 2006

As difficult as it is, when people have folks ill andin a hospital or LTC facility, they bring all their junk, stuff, baggage, personality, Aunt Sally's divorce papers that got served today, financial worries, blah, blah, and blah. People are not at their best, they are under stress, and they may have personality styles that do not do stress well. ie. they may jump down your throat!

In my role as Case Manager, it is my job to go in, introduce myself to the patient, explain my role, and that I am their to assist their family the doctor, and them to come to a good d/c plan for them. This lady had suffered a broken back in a fall. I explained that we as yet didn't know that the final plan would be brace and no surgery or surgery + brace. Patient seemed to acknowledge she would need some kind of post-operative care home health or rehab, something along those lines. I left her my card, and went out to the desk to chart my note. Not 2 minutes later, this woman comes out of her room waving my card in the air and screaming "who left this d___n thing in my mother's room??" I admitted it was me, how could i help, and she said oh you've helped enough already. Dont ever go inmy mothers room,again. I complied with her request, tho I reviewed the chart every day. She complained to my boss, and said I had told the patient she would never walk again. Now, IF I'd made such a ludicrous statement, I would have deserved to be fired. but I hadn't. The point of this long post is,that those were the very feelings she was scared to death of, that her mother would be paralyzed, and then by heck what'll we do???!!!. So lots of people may say lots of rude and unkind things, and yes it hurt, but I have a pretty thick skin after 37 years in this game, and I do understand why people do such things, 'cause you can't be that angry at your mom, for breaking her back--> so it has to go somewhere else. I've rambled here, but I guess with my psych mental health background I do try to take another look at what at first may seem to be a very rude person, when in fact they're scared.

Morghan, MSN, ARNP,BC, CARN, ACM

st4wb3rr33sh0rtc4k3 · Oct 4, 2006

As difficult as it is, when people have folks ill andin a hospital or LTC facility, they bring all their junk, stuff, baggage, personality, Aunt Sally's divorce papers that got served today, financial worries, blah, blah, and blah. People are not at their best, they are under stress, and they may have personality styles that do not do stress well. ie. they may jump down your throat!
In my role as Case Manager, it is my job to go in, introduce myself to the patient, explain my role, and that I am their to assist their family the doctor, and them to come to a good d/c plan for them. This lady had suffered a broken back in a fall. I explained that we as yet didn't know that the final plan would be brace and no surgery or surgery + brace. Patient seemed to acknowledge she would need some kind of post-operative care home health or rehab, something along those lines. I left her my card, and went out to the desk to chart my note. Not 2 minutes later, this woman comes out of her room waving my card in the air and screaming "who left this d___n thing in my mother's room??" I admitted it was me, how could i help, and she said oh you've helped enough already. Dont ever go inmy mothers room,again. I complied with her request, tho I reviewed the chart every day. She complained to my boss, and said I had told the patient she would never walk again. Now, IF I'd made such a ludicrous statement, I would have deserved to be fired. but I hadn't. The point of this long post is,that those were the very feelings she was scared to death of, that her mother would be paralyzed, and then by heck what'll we do???!!!. So lots of people may say lots of rude and unkind things, and yes it hurt, but I have a pretty thick skin after 37 years in this game, and I do understand why people do such things, 'cause you can't be that angry at your mom, for breaking her back--> so it has to go somewhere else. I've rambled here, but I guess with my psych mental health background I do try to take another look at what at first may seem to be a very rude person, when in fact they're scared.
Morghan, MSN, ARNP,BC, CARN, ACM

I have only been a nurse for a year and family members do get to me. Now after your post I understand why they do it. Sometimes they are drastic though. Right now I am so scared that I will get written up for something a family member said I did. A family member said she came in and her son fell and hit his head. I was standing right there at the nursing station and saw what happened. He didn't fall or hit his head, but he indeed slipped. As immediately as I could I fixed the problem. She immediately sat him down, asked him if he was okay, and he said yes. Then she went to do what she had to down the hall, leaving her son in the chair. I went to get a towel, cover up the slippery spot, looked at her son, and called housekeeping. Yet, it wasn't good enough. She complained to my nurse manager that I didn't help her son. The nurse manager is going to tell the DON and of course you will know what the family will say. It frustrates me that someone can make up a story like that and put someone's job on the line. It was dinnertime so I had not witnesses. Everyone was busy with dinner.

TheCommuter, BSN, RN · Oct 4, 2006

I work at an upscale nursing home. Many of the family members of the elderly residents are well-educated, prestigious, and prominent members of the community. Unfortunately, these privileged people seem to have a bold sense of empowerment and behave rudely toward the staff on a frequent basis. Usually I walk away from the situation and, if someone threatens, I document everything they have said in the nurses notes.

TazziRN, RN · Oct 4, 2006

She complained to my nurse manager that I didn't help her son. The nurse manager is going to tell the DON and of course you will know what the family will say. It frustrates me that someone can make up a story like that and put someone's job on the line. It was dinnertime so I had not witnesses. Everyone was busy with dinner.

As far as the mom is concerned, you didn't help her son.....because she didn't see you. All you can do is be prepared for a meeting about this, and make sure you have written up the incident from your eyes. Don't get defensive, just be matter of fact. Good luck with it...I know how it feels to be accused of something you didn't do (or in this case, did do!).

morte, LPN, LVN · Oct 4, 2006

"A family member said she came in and her son fell and hit his head. I was standing right there at the nursing station and saw what happened."

i am confused,,,is the SON a patient ? because, if he is not, your resp. would be entirely different......

TheCommuter, BSN, RN · Oct 4, 2006

How will I handle these situations when I am a nurse?

1. Kill them with kindness.

2. If kindness does not work, then ask them if they'd like to speak to your DON, ADON, supervisor, or chief nursing officer.

I cannot be all things to all people. Therefore, I refuse to waste too much of my time and energy on a family member who behaves unreasonably, rudely, and is impossible to please.

CHATSDALE · Oct 5, 2006

this can happen for a number of reasons

family doesn't know about the need for turning and repostioning..tell them the reason for the rule...it isn't being done because it is written down for you to do it is being done to benefit the patient

some feel so guilty, some have reasons and some don't] but there is a life change and it is not for the better and it means the next change will be for the worse change is always stressfull

and yes there are those, whom we always have with us, who enjoy the feeling of power that they have over someone, these you have to handle on a individual basis..some you can stand up to, some you can ignore and some you can pray for shift to be over with quickly

jo272wv · Oct 5, 2006

Before I started as an RN I was afraid of dealing with the families but I have learned that educating the family is as important as educating the client. I find when I explain procedures to both pt and family The rudness is less. families become aggitated when they do not understand what is going on, so take time and explain everything, do not ignore their questions but give them answers or direct them how to get them answered.