Returning to Nursing After Depression

Whispera, MSN, RN · Oct 19, 2015

Depression is a huge demon to battle. Are you sure you've won enough to go back to work? What you've written does sound as if you might still be in the midst of the battle...

I hope you've found a therapist and/or a caregiver who can prescribe appropriate medications for you.

Best wishes to you!

hazyblue · Oct 19, 2015

The thing is that depression is going to be a life-long battle for me because of things that are too long to mention and too much of an information. However I am in no danger of harming myself or anyone at this point. It can be said in an objective point of view that my "hate impulses" are quite tame, and I am just being hard on myself. It's just that I am not yet used to my newly grown "horns".

astriker · Oct 20, 2015

I am sorry to hear what you are going through, hazyblue. I understand. Remember that recovery (to your baseline) can certainly take a while and is an ongoing process. Be kind and gentle with yourself, but continue to push yourself through this place.

If you are not currently in therapy, it seems as if it would be beneficial. Since you mentioned dealing with anger and intrusive thoughts, DBT may be truly wonderful for you. I think, whenever possible, seeing a psychologist as well as a psychiatrist (if medically necessary) allows for the fullest treatment, as it directly addresses many aspects of depression and doesn't just manage the symptoms.

Living with depression does not mean it is always going to be like this. It gets better. That may sound trite, but it isn't. Remind yourself of that all the time. There will be light again. Though you are in a rough place right now, it's evident that you're very bright, self-aware, and driven. You've got this.

Kbearden · Oct 20, 2015

Mother baby good area to renter?

hi! I've been a stay at home mom for past 4 years.. I've been a nurse since 06'. Worked in orthopedics and then dabbled in psych, home health and professional development. I've kept my license active but I haven't been clinical in a while. I have an interest in mother baby since becoming a mom. I'm confident in my ability to educate but the clinical skills make me a lil nervous. Do you think this would be a difficult area to re enter? Thoughts?

lavenderskies, BSN · Oct 21, 2015

I second the comment that it sounds like you are still working the struggle. This from one struggler to another. Self talk is exhausting and more so when treatment is not working as well as it should. So put together a self care plan and stick to it. If it needs to include updated rx treatment or talk therapy or whatever make sure you do it even if you don't feel like it. You should be your #1priority. I'm planning to return to work soon as well so I'm gonna be walking the talk along with you :)

Lev, MSN, RN, NP · Oct 21, 2015

Do you own a car? Your walls may be thin, but you can cry and yell at the top of your lungs in your car. Especially at night and when driving, but not to the point where your driving is impaired obviously.

As far as being a hater...looking for the good in people really does help. Any time you meet someone come up with something good about him/her. Try to make it something not superficial. Great smile/happy is better than nice earrings for example. Try it.

Another good thing to try is a gratitude journal. I know it sounds cliche but it can help train your mind to see goodness. Go to a place that you love and start with the fact you are grateful that such a place exists.

Psychcns · Oct 21, 2015

Yoga..in addition to everything else people have mentioned.. (maybe try massage too) .. Yoga with its focus on the breath and gentle relaxation can be soothing. Try restorative yoga as well as other kinds because it is extremely relaxing.. Best wishes..

caliotter3 · Oct 21, 2015

Try finding a volunteer pastime where you can involve yourself for a few hours each week. Hard to keep naughty thoughts when you are busy doing something worthwhile.

SunnyPupRN · Oct 21, 2015

What I think I hear from you is that you feel some anger. Maybe you're not sure where it's coming from or where to direct it, and it is coming out in the form of being a 'hater.' Since you have already been through depression, I want you to know that you really need to honour yourself because you are recognizing that this negativity is not your genuine self. If it were, you would not have a problem hating! Since you see that being a hater is eating up your attitude, you've done something wonderful and positive. You have insight and clarity. You seem to know this is perhaps a remnant of depression, and feeling bitter toward others might be depression rearing its ugly head, but turning outward instead of inward.

Listen....you don't have to be perfect. This does not make you a bad person or a bad nurse. I agree with what some other posters said...calming yoga, volunteering...they can help with perspective. Someone wrote 'If you want to lift yourself up, lift up someone else."

Ride this wave...you'll come out OK.

In the meantime, it's Halloween! Find the spookiest, scariest costume you can, and take delight in purging those bitter feelings by volunteering at a haunted house and scaring the crap out of people. All good, clean fun but mabe a little bit of license to act like you can't act any other time of year.

Long Term Care Columnist / Guide · Oct 26, 2015

Depression sucks. I've got the battle scars, thme meds, and the diagnosis to prove it (I'm actually bipolar, which means I get to experience both ends of the spectrum). When I'm down, I'm down on EVERYBODY, but myself the worst because I feel so guilty about the bad thoughts. What helps me is a little trick I learned in the hospital: In my mind's eye I visualize a big STOP sign and command myself to obey it and turn my mind to something entirely different, but always positive. This works most of the time, and helps me remember that I am in control of my thoughts. It takes practice, but if you can train yourself to change your feelings instead of giving into them, you'll do a lot better. JMHO.

hazyblue · Nov 6, 2015

I'm quite late in doing this but still, thank you for the responses everyone.

It's pretty tiring to always feel guilty and your ideas do help in that matter. The "STOP sign idea" is nice. I have a SORRY sign hanged in my mind and I think it's of the things that saddens me. I started trying to think of good things for every bad thought that comes to my mind. It's quite difficult at the moment but I'm trying. Right now, I am kind of busy and getting stressed with trying to return to work; so, I find little time for myself to do some spirit lifting activities.

My anti-depression plan turned out to be ... "meh". I had decided to work in a far away land were my main stressors can barely reach me. However, learning a new language, different standards, and the like, turned out to be a big stressor. I failed to see that but, in my defense, I was still "more on the dark side" when I made the decision to move. :)

For those who might worry that I might not be able to provide proper nursing care, fret not. I still have plenty of time for training and such before I receive a license. I'm thinking positively that I'll be a decent person by that time.