Published Aug 18, 2003
hello everyone, i have been lurking here for a while and would really like some feedback on a situation i have found myself in.
i work in LTC, at this particular facility for 3 years. about a year ago, i started working on medicare unit. it is a small unit and closed off from the rest of the facility, only 25 beds. everyone on the unit is pretty close friends, and we occasionally socialize outside work. my situation is that i have become good friends with one of the physicians there, and we have gone out a few times. over the last 6 months or so, other people started rumors about us having a relationship because they could see us becoming closer friends. at that time, the rumors weren't true, but now they are, and i am tired of hearing them.
i don't like my personal life being the topic of discussion at work, and my friend and i have never behaved inappropriately at work. we keep in strictly professional there. so why the gossip? i don't get special treatment from him, and he's not my boss. i have thought about ending the relationship, but why should i give up this friendship? it's not like it would end the gossip. should i just ignore everyone, and go about doing my job like i usually do? should i tell everyone to stop talking about me behind my back, since i know they are? should i switch jobs? i really don't want to do that, as i am in school and i love this job. it's not easy but i learn so much here.
ok, sorry for the long post, any advice welcome.
purplemania, BSN, RN
Ignore them. As long as you are acting professionally there should be no problem. Some people just like the soap opera.
Who you date (no matter what the setting) is nobody's business but the reality is people will gossip. "Office Politics" can be brutal but even more so when "the office" is supposed to reflect a caring environment (do you see the contradiction?).
As long as you remain appropriate in your professional relationships then to hell with everybody else!
Strong language but I get so tired of the petty drama and gossip that pervades the workplace and yes, even in nursing. Obviously some people have too much time on their hands.
"i don't like my personal life being the topic of discussion at work"
Well, the only solution is not to have personal relationships with people at work. Otherwise you both can only expect to be the topic of gossip, your liking it or not is irrelevant.
Gossip unfortunately, is everywhere. I don't subscribe to it and when someone starts to gossip to me I simply state "I'm not interested" and walk away. Of course, this caused them to gossip about me....which I still ignore.
Unless it effects you at work (gossip about your performance etc) ignore it. If it is about your performance at work, take it up the chain of command. I found that the latter worked very well when the person doing the gossiping was called on the carpet by the nurse manager. They treated it like a confidentiality issue and threatened to suspend/dismiss this person.
Good luck in whatever you do but, don't pay any attention to the "children" that are doing this!
The grapevine in LTC facilities is incredibly efficient! I used to like to start sexy rumors about myself....
There is a saying, "Never s*** where you eat".......unfortunately we sometimes develope good friendships that blossom into close relationships. The problem is that you work in a small facility/ward. Whenever you work for a small facility or ward.....everyone wants to know everything about everyone and they love nothing better than to talk about other people and their lives and problems...supposed or real. And it will never change really until you A) stop having a personal and close relationship at work or B) get a new job in a bigger facility. But even with choice B) as long as you are involved with the physican you mentioned, you will always be fodder for the rumor mill at that place. My empathies to you....as I try to avoid getting in the rumor mill by not discussing my personal life at work.
I have worked in a small (120 bed) facility as well as a very large hospital. I had been forewarned by friends/family before hand, since alot of them are in the nursing field, the rumor mill works faster than anyone/anything else. I found this True for both places.
I do not participate in gossip, as I do not have time for the drama, etc. I am not there to discuss my personal life or to pick apart someone else's.
If I Choose to engage in these types of discussions, I am leaving myself open to whatever strikes the "bored minds" fancy, often these ppl have a very boring life outside of work or have self-esteem issues....simply put, I walk away or engage in "productive" activity (like getting some work done) I really can't be bothered.
AS fas as, a personal relationship at work, I do not see it as anyone else's business. Just be careful, watch out for the "bored minds, no life" type of ppl.
Unknown Nurse, Ignore them and just go on as you have been, keep it Confidential and professional :)
Tweety, BSN, RN
I can understand why that would be upsetting. But honestly can you really expect to date a doctor in your LTC and NOT be the topic of gossip? If you do, you underestimate human nature and are very naive.
Ignore it and it will go away. Or be up front and honest and way out there, then it won't be such gossip. But I doubt it, because they'll say something like "get her...she thinks she's all that because she's dating a doctor".
Anyway, what I'm saying is expect it. Deal. Doesn't make it right. But it's reality. Feel free to vent anytime.
I have been the target of gossip at work as well. It's not a good feeling! When I told my Mom (33 yr nursing survivor ) She said that it is like that everywhere and soon they would tire of me and move on to someone else. And they did.
As for ending the relationship or changing jobs, why give them the satisfaction? Sounds like a bit of jealousy to me. Do what YOU want, ignore them and eventually they'll go away.
Ruby Vee, BSN
I met my husband at work -- both of us worked in a large ICU. We worked together for 8 years before he transferred to the Cath Lab. I really miss working with him!
Yes, people gossiped about us. But how important is that, really? They were happy for us when we married, too. The nice folks you work with will be happy for you, and the *****es will be *****y . . . regardless of who you're dating.
The other option with gossips is to "play" with them. At one facility at which I worked, I took a new RT fishing one Saturday, which by Monday morning, had become gossip that he (married) and I had spent the weekend together! Instead of wasting time denying it, we played it to the hilt, with the accent on melodrama: i.e. - seeing me outside talking to someone else from his dept., went into a rant about "what a cruel blow, two-timing me with another RT!".
Ignore them, laugh at them, mess with their heads, but don't let it get to you. Next week it will be someone else they are gossiping about.
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