Relapse

You are not alone. I work in a treatment center and one of my coworkers was escorted out of the building tonight for being under the influence. She relapsed after over ten years sober. This disease is cunning, baffling and powerful - and it does not discriminate. Relapse is a very real and a very important part of many people's recovery. It is definitely a more difficult path to travel, but it can be done. You are not alone.

Work on you. When you are ready, start on your road to recovery again. On your own choice. In your own program choice.

Get as much support as you can. Meetings and sponsors are good things.

Thinking of you, and wishing you nothing but the best.

I too relapsed after many years. Second time in states peer assistance program. It is a blessing to get a second chance. Hold your head up. You can do it. Take small bites. Praying for you and any others suffering tonight.

All of you have no idea how much it helps to hear your positive and encouraging words. I know I am in the storm right now and I want to throw my arms up and give up. But I will move forward. Its just so easy to get overwhelmed thinking into the past and future. I need to stay in today and take it one day at a time but that is sometimes easier said than done. Its just makes it hard not to give up on yourself when the health professionals assistance program I was in gave up on me. Makes me feel like I can't do it and nobody believes in me anymore. I know I made the same mistake again and I should have used the resources I had to prevent it but I didn't and I relapsed. I feel absolutely ashamed and embarassed. Whats worse is I let my family down. The hardest part was admitting everything all over again. I feel like they think I am just a loser and I will never "get it." It makes me feel like a terrible mother when they say they don't understand why drugs mean more to me than my family. I love my little boys (6 and 8 years old) with all my heart and would do anything for them. They are what keeps me going everyday. Seeing their smiley faces makes my problems go away for a second and that is everything to me. I don't have a concrete answer as to why I relapsed but I am doing everything I can right now to prevent it in the future. I don't know what the future holds but I pray it gets just a little less painful.

Elizabeth- hugs & blessings to you!! this is all such a slippery slope- none of us are immune to the relapse process. #1 for now- take care of yourself..be kind to yourself..........hang in there!!

It's hard. It's not that we don't love those closest to us, it's that we don't love ourselves. Creating that false sense of security (drugs, alcohol, sex, thrill seeking) makes us feel valuable because we are missing the love for ourselves. This is very true for me. Once I got clean from drugs, then my relationship, then alcohol...there was still that hole. Next came emotional sobriety, thrill seeking sobriety...taking care of my eating issues. Next will come smoking, and later caffeine. I get broken down a little more each day- but in a very healthy and satisfying way. I know I am in trouble when I start doing this thing for others- I have to remind myself every day. We all relapse on something- sometimes we are lucky and recognize the behavior in the way we relate to others, some later on their drug of choice. Remember that the problem is not the drug, it is deeper than that, otherwise sobriety would be easy. Get grounded, go to a meeting, get connected. Remember that bravery is nothing more than taking the action despite fear. We're all here for you.

twoyear, knocked it out of the park, very right on

we all only have today, you can recover, you are not alone

Wow, sounds like exactly what I went through- two years in the program and thought I was back to my old pre-addict self. Put myself in a situation and got tested the next day. I have definitely felt shame and embarrassment (dreadful) since getting caught. Unfortunately being in the program turns a health issue into a career issue. I have tried to look to the positive things I have learned, while knowing that even though it is difficult there are ways to move forward.

Some of the positives:

I actually felt bad this time, when I was originally caught my mind was so numbed I felt nothing.

I will never return to the old me, while in the program I have had the thought that I was doing time before being able to return to "normal".

Now I want sobriety and a healthy life for me, not for the program. This includes everything Twoyearnurse listed...

You are the captain of your ship, even when you make a mistake have faith in yourself to overcome the obstacles. I sincerely hope you are able to forgive yourself and recover professionally.