Published Apr 13, 2014
Hi all i just need to vent here. So I am 30 days sober and clean today ... not sure how I feel about that just yet. Last night I went to a meeting that has a lot of nurses in recovery and after the meeting we were out smoking and talking. I mentioned how my story started and my first taste of Dilaudid was actually "accidental" meaning I forgot to throw out a waste went home and literally found it in my pocket a few days later. Being an alcoholic already I decided to try it and was hooked. So I mentioned this and an older nurse looked at me and said "oh the old I did not know it was in my pocket excuse" and rolled her eyes. I wanted to scream. First let me clarify this I was never ever caught EVER. I self reported so why would I lie about this and who did she think she was...the BON. UGH. I talked to my sponsor and got some good advice as to my side of the street but it seriously made me ****** off. i felt like I was being judged and that when I walked away from the little group talking that she was probably saying yeah she is never going to recover or worse. I actually was so excited to find this group of nurses and right now I don't think I want to go anymore. Even nurses in recovery can be nasty to each other. Thanks for letting me vent.
Sorry you had a bad experience but you know where you are and you know that you are determined to win so congratulations on the 30 days and I know we will see many more days added on in the future
sallyrnrrt, ADN, RN
congratulation on your 30days, it is a big feat !
in dealing with the human condition, the fact the 12 steps work, and meetings
i found share what you want, take what you need, & leave the rest good advice
Thank you. Still not sure about how I feel about my 30 days but I know now how I need to let it go and not be resentful. A wise nurse today told me I have a thick head and very thin skin so true. I have decided to go to beginners meetings for the next few weeks and work on that tough skin thing before venturing back into the nurses meetings.
applewhitern, BSN, RN
Don't take things so personally. This "older nurse" who made the comment probably did not mean anything personal towards you. Maybe she was reflecting on her own experiences, and this was an excuse she herself had used. All of the people in this group have their own crosses to bear; they aren't judging you. Good luck!
Keep on plugging!
Hey sweet pea! Long time no talk (I kid, I kid ). You don't have to feel anything about your 30 days. When I reached mine (both times!) I felt like "yeah big deal but I shouldn't have gotten myself into the situation to need to be proud of 30 days", but being really self deprecating and hard on myself. By 60 days I was thinking "alright let's do this!" because I really starting connecting the fact that new comers were looking to me thinking "how did she do that?!?!". 30 is a big deal, so congratulations! I had to stay away from other nurses (with the exception of here of course, mainly because here we get to put thought and care into what we say) for the first 50 days of sobriety. We nurses have so much in common, which is great but also a big problem in early sobriety. The first couple months are about learning how to take it easy, day by day, taking nursing out of it. I know when I met my first nurse face to face I instantly went into future thinking (I.e. my nursing career) and it caused me much unneeded angst. You're doing great! Call me later tonight!
tokmom, BSN, RN
What an old bat. She probably was miserable to work with as well. Prove her wrong and be the better person. YOU know the truth and maybe she is slightly jealous you had the guts to step forward and self report! Kudos to you. (((hugs))), and congrats on the 30 days!!
la_chica_suerte85, BSN, RN
Well, congrats on your 30 days. It really is an accomplishment and you should really be patting yourself on the back for it! As for that old broad, whatevs to her. She probably thought she was being helpful by confronting you about what she felt was you not being honest with your initial motive to start using. They want to be so hard, so been there, done that, and they know how deceptive people in their addictions can get. She probably was thinking she was catching you deceiving yourself. Either way, she was in the wrong. Unless she is YOUR counselor who knows your habits and motivations, she really should have kept it to herself.
So many things I can tell you that I don't know where to start. Remember no one can keep you sober or get you bent. I do not understand why in a support group people judge, but they do. Now if you told me that for 6 months your waste just happened to end up at home I'd be the first to call BS. The main thing you have a problem you are getting help, and you have to work the steps fearlessly. Good luck to you and be an inspiration to others.
It wasnt her being a nurse that caused her to be so bitter, it's who she is in real life. She needs some help and also needs to learn to keep her comments to herself if she cant be of support in a support group. You don't need anyone to validate you, you are the only person who does that. Be proud for the length of time you have been sober whether its 1 month or 10 years! It an accomplishment no matter the length. Things will get better and you will find a support group, just keep your head up and continue in the right direction. And next time you see her, tell her you thought her kind were extinct
Nowimclean yes if I had said my waste ended up at home for six months I would be an idiot...I am already probably the stupidiest person on the face of this earth, but that would have confirmed idiocy. I don't think I will ever be an inspiration to anybody as I prefer to do what I have to do and sit in the shadows and listen and just repeat what other people have told me over and over. I really have zero original thoughts which is probably the root of my addiction trying to be someone I am not. In less then a month I have learned I am a quite boring and weird person and alcohol won't take that away I will still be boring and weird. Oh well guess that is why I liked night nursing I could do my job, talk to few people and really never had to interact with doctors.
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