I am a new grad nurse. Passed my boards and accepted a position at UVA for their nurse residencey program. I applied 6 months ago and it was my dream job in the oncology, and I got it. I was so happy. I'm supposed to start at the end of july. I'm currently living with my parents in northern va, and me moving to Charlottesville to work at uva is 2 hours away.
i have been really excited to start my job and move down there. Everything seemed to be going so well.
my dad was diagnosed with brain cancer in 2011. He had been doing well up until a couple months ago, 2 weeks ago we went in for his MRI and they just kept growing. Doctors basically said they are stopping treatment and referring him to hospice. Prognosis of 6 months. This CRUSHED ME. And my mom and sister. And most of all my dad. We have always had a special bond. And while we all knew that this would happen someday. We didn't know it was going to be so soon.
it has been eating me up inside about what I should do in terms of my job at uva. At first my initial reaction was too basically just stay here and continue to live in northern va with my mom and dad and spend time with him and help. With brain cancer, we are seeing confusion about and coordination problems already and I know it's going be getting worse soon. I know my mom needs help. And I so badly want to be there for my father. And while that all I want to do, given that time is really precious right now.
However I kept thinking about the importance my career and what I worked so hard for. Finishing school and landing my dream job. I feel so selfish for wanting to continue and take the job and move out in a couple of months to pursue that. I'm so torn and every day it seems like I'm flip flopping on what I should do. I know it's imperative for me as a new nurse to start working as soon as I can to master my skills etc... I could take a job up here somewhere but I really hate to just let that opportunity at uva slip through my fingers. Even just writing this I feel guilt for even considering leaving, but I also know how it important it will be for me to have made a life so that I am able to grieve my dad in a healthy way when that time comes.
im asking for advice. What would you do if you were in my spot.
i don't want to regret leaving my mom and dad and possibly spending what precious time he has left with him. I also don't want to regret this opportunity at uva. My theory has been that uva is only 2 hours away and with working only 3 days a week . I could be up here. But I don't want him to pass, and to regret spending that time with him for the rest of my life either.
If you don't start until the end of July, I'd talk to your family and see what they think. My parents would encourage me to keep the position and I think it's likely yours will too. My first nursing job was just over 2 hours away from my family, it's a very doable drive, especially if you get a place to live that's a little closer to your family. I would plan on keeping the position but maybe talk with your manager so they know what's going on. End of July is still 3 months away and you can pack a lot of living and loving and time with your family in there, and then once you start you can come down as often as possible on your off days.
I'm so sorry about your dad. I'm close to mine too and would be devastated in the same situation.
As the first commenter said, it's a personal decision to make. So this is only MY thought on the subject, based on my experiences, but I'm a lot older and was in a much different situation.
I quit my first career (I'd thought about doing it for years anyway) after my mother was given a similar prognosis, and I was her caregiver for about 10 months. Although I wish I'd done some things better during that time, I absolutely, 100%, have zero regrets about being with her until the end.
You say your dad has a prognosis of approximately 6 months. We all know these 'guesses' can be way off in either direction. This is solely my opinion, but you're young, and you can find another job, but your dad only has this short time left. I'd help them at this time. But only you can decide, obviously.
Thoughts of warmth heading your way. I think it is a personal choice however you do need to weigh your career.
My dad passed away when I was just a teenager and I know he would be proud of me today...the good decisions and bad ones I have made along the way.
You have worked hard to get to this point. Weigh how many new grad nurses make it to oncology, I suspect very few. Is this a passion that your dad has found in you? Is this a passion you yourself have worked hard for?
To honor a loved one I think of no other way but to continue your passion and be great at what you do. Be happy. To make a decision based on a temporary life situation that will change is very difficult and getting feed back in a large forum although comforting, more than likely could lead to confusion or an answer....again it is up to you.
You really have to know yourself, to discuss this with family/friends who really know you and will be really honest with you...you know the ones who will tell you have a booger sticking out your nose or you have green lettuce stuck between your teeth or the ones who will say what is wrong with you and tell you what is wrong...but still love you!... make a decision then. After your decision then it is time to put those into action, this is the way to clarity. Live and strive for no regrets and if you have regrets own them for they have made you change, and to grow as the person you are today.
While the above poster said mentioned how uncommon it is to secure a job in oncology as a new grad (and this is definitely an achievement!), I would caution you about going forward into oncology, especially at this time. I'm a pediatric hemonc RN and I started in an RN residency, too, and residencies can be rigorous enough, not to mention all that comes with processing what goes on with caring for patients with cancer. It can wreck you. I don't have anyone in my family with cancer as serious as a brain tumor but even seeing patients that remind me of my nieces or nephews can really bore a hole into my heart some days. I couldn't imagine dealing with a family member on hospice and going into oncology and trying to make it through a residency in that situation.
Cancer sucks. While we've made great strides in treating it and have improved survival rates, the science of what has been the best treatments has been stuck in the past and we aren't moving forward anytime soon. We aren't winning and we won't be in the foreseeable future. It's hard to deal with that reality when you're a brand new RN just trying to figure out how to do the work of nursing. I had some serious lows during residency that made for a shaky foundation. I do not recommend oncology for you in this situation.
Is it possible to ask to go into a different specialty in the residency for the time being? Maybe you can cross-train later if oncology is still something you're interested in and you've taken all the steps to ensure you have a good foundation for self-care. Because, believe me, there are days I go home crying thinking about patients and families who are in the toughest of all situations. Being exhausted and being confronted with times when families you get to know (and you get to know oncology patients inside and out because they are there ALL THE TIME) end up having severe setbacks can get the best of you. I'm saying this coming off of a two-day jag of shifts filled with patient setbacks and new diagnoses. This sucks, a lot, sometimes. Granted, it is rewarding in it's own right but, I don't think it's for you, not now. It's a recipe for disaster. I definitely recommend trying to go to a different unit at UVA if you can. Good luck to you.
Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
I would talk to the manager at UVa and see if you can work your shifts 3 in a row. Drive down for your first shift and find a co-worker that you can stay at between shifts, then drive home after your last shift. That way you can spend 4 days at home. An alternative is to get an apartment half way between home and work. That way you are only 1 hour from home and 1 hr from work.
That's a great idea, and it's what I would do. However, if the poster is on orientation, it may be difficult to match her with a preceptor. She may have to decide between a consistent preceptor and the ideal schedule.
Every family is so different, and I would talk to yours. My mom has stage 4 breast cancer and I just started a new job about 1.5 months ago. It's *hard* but that's because my mom doesn't have the best resources and I am the only family besides my dad.
But she would have kicked my ass if I didn't accept my job. We were able to find some outside help with guidance.
She's happy that I'm happy. And she keeps telling everyone, "MY daughter THE NURSE ..." (the poor nurses that have to listen to it ...)
Do what feels the *most* right. Nothing will probably feel 100% right ... because cancer is an evil bastard.
I have a feeling you know deep down in your heart.
I'll be keeping you and your family in my heart and thoughts, OP.
I can't tell you what to do, but can you think of if you chose to go or if you chose to stay, would you look back and regret making that decision? I am so sorry you have to make this decision.
I would take the position, as this is a great opportunity for you as a new nurse. As other folks have said, I think that your dad would be upset with you for passing an opportunity for your life, even as his is ending. The drive will be do-able. I also encourage you to remember, it's not about the amount of time that you spend with him, it's the quality of the time. Phone calls and (if you're more technology inclined than I am) skyping are options for when you want to talk to him when you are working. I would also talk to your manager at the position about the situation.
Ten years from now, will you regret being away from your father is in his last days, or missing out on this residency program in your dream job?
I know I would forever regret being away from my father.
That being said, I would call the residency program director and present your dilemma. There may be a way you can be with your father and still remain in the residency, perhaps with a later cohort.
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ItsThatJenGirl, CNA
1,978 Posts
I'm so sorry.
My Dad would be furious if I put my career on hold because of him. I'd do my best to see him as often as possible, however.
If I was the sick one, I'd absolutely want my girls to achieve their goals instead of being stuck caring for me.
But every family is different, and I suggest you have this conversation with your parents.
I'll be thinking of you and your parents.