Real Life Advice, Please....

[Curious1alwys, BSN, RN]

I need help with a dilemma I am having. Please.

I am a pre-nursing student looking to apply to the RN program at a local CC this week. Recently, I was diagnosed by my doctor with depression, something that has probably been with me for a while now. My husband is a police officer and works almost the exact opposite hours as me. Mostly, we pass each other in the hallway. He is pretty much my only friend and pretty much the only person I feel good around or believe loves me for who I am. Almost everyone else I know, including the rest of my family, I believe is highly critical of me and therefore I am not as open with them. I don't feel they understand me. Recently also, I had a problem at work concerning coworkers that devastated me. Without going into details I can say that people that I thought were my friends turned out not to be after 5 years of working together. It was a huge betrayal. Since I already have so few close friends that I talk to or go anywhere with, it really did hurt me. It was a major blow to my self esteem. I do not have any kids, but do have a very dysfunctional family. Let's just say they don't make me feel "good inside". I love them, it is just for me to communicate with them at all right now.

My doctor prescribed my Effexor XR and I am scared to take it. Right now I have two options:

1. Take the pills and keep my full time job until I officially get into nursing school. (I work at a desk in a PPO network)

OR..

2. Quit my full time job and seek a part time entry level job in a hospital very close to me to get me into the field

Right now, trying to do everything is really burning me out. Unfortunately, I had to use all my vacation time to take my NA class, so I have no time and cannot "take a break". I MUST finish BIO 202 this semester to get into school and am looking to take Patho in the spring if I have to wait till summer to get into nursing school.

I think we can afford for me to drop to part time. We have a little bit saved up. Of course, it would be entry level something, I will likely take atleast a 4.00/hr cut in pay. On the up side, quitting would allow me more time to get in a better place mentally, work on my school, and, most importantly, get into the hospital I am looking at working at after graduation. In addition, I could have the same days off as hubby....that would be almost three whole days off together a week, something we have not experienced ever in our relationship! We haven't had even one day off together regularly for over three years. It is eating at me now, likely because i only feel good now when with him??

The only con that I can think of in quitting the full time job now is benefits. I won't have insurance. And, of course, money. I won't be able to save that much, if any until I get up to full time.

I am just so scared to make any changes, but right now I am running into all kinds of problems. I can't see my nursing advisor because she is only available when I am supposed to be at work and cuz I have no time, I can't get off. I can't get off to do other school related things (you know, the kinds of stuff you gotta do Mon-Fri).

I was trying to stay at my job until March or so. I would get three weeks paid vacation then. But right now I feel like I am going out of my mind. It does not seem to be going away and I feel like if I don't change something, something is going to give. For the life of me though, I cannot seem to make this decision myself!!! Yesterday, I realized I needed an Advisor signature on my nursing application. I didn't have it so I started crying. I almost burned the papers up! I have BIO 202 homework, but I am denying it so I can sit here and type to you!! I need to get focused on the goals I am trying to accomplish. I want one day to have an option to stay home if I want to have kids and my current job will not give me that. I want to feel important.

If you had those two options, what would you do? Would you stay in your full time job that you did not much care for for insurance and $$ and tough it out until nursing school started? OR, should I quit now, go entry level into a hospital part time, get a break before nursing school starts, and enjoy some time with my hubby? I will still have classes and could go full time after a few months. I did my NA classes, but have not been able to study up for the exam, so eventually I could do that and get my CNA if I had more time.

Please help me decide. I know everyone says you gotta do what you feel you should do, but i cannot decide. I wanted to ask you all because I know you are in the profession and can tell me what you think would be most beneficial to me assuming I stay with nursing. Everyone outside of the profession just thinks I would be an idiot to take a cut in pay if I did not have to. But it is not about just that. There are so many factors involved. I don't want to be depressed when I am due to enter nursing school. I have been questioning whether I will be able to handle it if I don't deal with this now. What do you think???

Thank you all so much for your advice. I have no one else to turn to.

Janice

[Da Monk]

As an experienced psych RN, I would strongly suggest you take the prescribed Effexor and give it a chance to work. It sounds as if you are getting very depressed and overwhelmed. You do not have to feel so poorly. If you decide to avoid the medication, you are not giving it a chance. As far as having all manner of activities going on in your life that are interferring with your academic pursuits, consider stepping back and deciding what is more important-your courses (which can be revisited) or you mental health. When I was in graduate school, I was involved in a bad divorce situation. I put school off for a year so and gathered my wits. I went back successfully.

[UM Review RN, ASN, RN]

On the up side, quitting would allow me more time to get in a better place mentally, work on my school, and, most importantly, get into the hospital I am looking at working at after graduation. In addition, I could have the same days off as hubby....that would be almost three whole days off together a week, something we have not experienced ever in our relationship! We haven't had even one day off together regularly for over three years.

Your post started to brighten up a little bit here. Maybe this is what you'd really like to do. But it really is your decision, and only you and your husband can make the decision.

In trying to weigh the pros and cons, it might help to remember that anything you do is going to entail some risk. When I have a tough decision to make, I try to weigh the risks. If there's a risk I absolutely can't or won't take, then I choose the alternative.

If you stay at your current job, the risk would be to your mental health or possibly to your marriage. If you go to a new job, you risk loss of benefits, money, and so forth.

But you're always welcome to come and vent or ask for advice or just hang out here. You're among friends. :)

[bargainhound, RN]

Good advice. Exactly what I was thinking...start the medicine and lit help you get your emotions/mental status improved...that will help you think more clearly and really do what is important to you....a nursing school advisor once told me "What good will it do you to get the degree if you are across the street? ( mental hospital)"

Give yourself permission to take some time to make

the decision.

Also, you never know what you are getting into when

you change jobs...you know what you have to face now. You might be more miserable in new job. The

benefits are nothing to sneeze at.

[Katnip, RN]

Just out of curiosity, if your husband is a police officer, can't he carry the insurance if you choose to work part time?

I have to say, your mental health is far more important than anyting right now. Do take the prescription. Da Monk's advice is very sound. If you keep on as you are you could only end up worse for it.

[Tweety, BSN, RN]

Good luck to you in whatever you decide. Agree with the above advise to give it some time.

Also, I suggest therapy. This would give you someone to talk to. To put so much on your husband is bound to leave you hurt and disappointed in the end.

Good luck.

[Morguein]

When you get into nursing school, you will be under a lot of stress and may not have time for your husband and/or job. I personally think it would be best to choose the direction that will allow you some peace of mind. This can be a time for you to heal before you get into nursing school. I would think that being around your co-workers who betrayed you would take its toll on you. It may be best to leave that situation to take care of yourself. If you can manage finacially by changing jobs, that may be the best route go. This may allow you the time to pass the NA certification and get your foot in the door to a new career in nursing. And it sounds like a change in jobs will allow you more time with your husband. This seems like a good time for you to heal and have some fun with your husband so that you will be able to handle the stresses of nursing school.

[ktwlpn, LPN]

By all means DO TAKE THE MED-if you have problems with side effects there are dozens more that can help...It may take some trial and error to find the anti-depressant that it right for you but you deserve it....No matter which way you go you must remember that you have been diagnosed with depression and it needs to be treated (search the site here for other great threads regarding depression-you will find alot of helpful info here) The meds works better with a little bit of counseling too-I highly recommed you do both...Depression can cause us to look at everything as though it is a major catastrophe. I had a rough time a while back-work was horrible.I thought I sucked no matter what I did-my depression affected all of my thought processes and perceptions.When I found a new combo of meds and a few months of counseling the difference was amazing....I can handle stressfull situations at work and problmes with co-workers much better.I no longer fuss and dwell over things people have said to me and wonder what the hidden meaning is.....Take care of yourself....

[purplemania, BSN, RN]

nursing school is stressful. I recommend getting your mental health situation under constrol before adding to the problem of how to cope with stressors. Also, see if there is a community service for counseling. It is not good to make one person the center of your life. Believe me, there will come a time when he will disappoint you because he is human. Sounds like you need help being happy with yourself.

[Curious1alwys, BSN, RN]

Thank you all. I eagerly checked back here hoping for some good responses and I got them!

My hesitation with Effexor had more to do with the fact that I have to pay full price for it. My insurance won't cover it. I can add myself to hubby's but not until open enrollment in June!! Of course, I did not want to start taking the pills until I knew I would maintain taking them. A couple people scared me away, stating how dangerous they were. Potent drugs. Plus, I don't like taking things I don't understand. Because I am depressed, does that mean there is something chemically wrong with my mind or that I am just whining?

With changing jobs, well, I have been avoiding that too because I know that will be an additional stress. I just need to figure out at this point which option will provide me the most relief and be most conducive to my professional goals. And, of course, improve my mental state.

Janice

[Jo Dirt]

Having suffered chronic depression since I was a child I understand how you are feeling. I finally went to see a doctor a year ago after I had a mental breakdown from depression coupled with family stresses-I have a very needy and demanding disabled husband who was driving me insane at the time-ran away from home and ended up going to see these idiots in another state I met over the internet and wound up getting raped) and I started taking Lexapro. I also had to drop out of school last spring because I mentally could not deal with it at the time. The Lexapro made me kind of monotone but it did help with the depression. It actually helped me focus and deal with things easier.

AND I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU MEAN WHEN YOU TALK ABOUT CRITICAL FAMILY MEMBERS!

My mother made sure to find a reason to make this comment after she found out I was on antidepressants, "People take drugs and use depression as an excuse because they can't deal with real life like other people have to." And she wonders why I choose to live so far away from her! My husband is worse than she is!

I have been off the Lexapro for awhile now and I'm feeling the effects. I'm hanging around on this message board because I'm trying to blow off nervous steam from anxiety and depression. I just can't concentrate right now, I need to be studying chemistry.

You're lucky to have a good husband, that's something I cant count on. I've about faced that my life is over as far as having anything to look forward to. Just think of how lucky you are compared to some of the rest of us.

Good luck.

[Curious1alwys, BSN, RN]

Very true, I am lucky. Sure, I know it could be worse. I could have kids and be working full time and going thru all the same crap. I can acknowlege that. Unfortunately, it doesn't help me keep the crap out of my head! LOL!

I am really glad you can relate to critical family members. Maybe that is why I feel so guilty for feeling what I feel right now. Doesn't seem like my life is quite stressful enough to feel that way. I've seen psychologists though who do seem to think I need therapy and am experiencing high stress after I tell them my "whole" story (yeah, that is going back all thru life..blah..blah, lengthy as I assume yours is too):). My benefits will not cover therapy and I don't have enough $. Hubby has employee assistance but it only covers 6 sessions or so. I went to one session with a counselor but did not come away with much. I want answers and no one can give them to me.!!

LOL!!!!!:rotfl: Like you, I am supposed to be doing Anatomy homework. I have no desire to do it. It was due lastnight! I guess I don't want school to suffer, cuz I have pushed so far for this, that is why I am thinking of getting rid of the job. I don't want to stay in the job and push school out. AND I DON'T want to do my schoolwork! I am a basket case, I tell ya! I am 28 years old and hubby wants children. I have more things to consider, this (school) cannot take forever!

Yeah, I actually am thinking that I cannot quit my job because my brother may go to prison (my dad is already there, I have to go see him on the weekends an hour away from my house) and my family and I may have to pay his rent and keep his rental house and dogs while he is gone. He is going to be 30!! Alcohol and my family don't mix! But, this is just an example of the "family drama" going on. Truth is, I don't even much like talking to my family members any more cuz they always seem to upset me! I sometimes think I could up and move away and I would be better off. Usually people think the opposite!:) oh well, they are my family and I cannot trade them for a new one. I love them and I don't know why they affect me so much but they do. Codependency??:rotfl: My sister is sorta the same way. Both my siblings have a very different way of acting out their emotions. My sister is a "stuffer". She is probably currently depressed. My brother uses. He is my Dad exactly. My brother is probably bi-polar like my dad....he just doesn't know it and self medicates!!

Well, I could go on and on. Your situation is very much worse than mine on the surface. I am sorry about what happened to you. I believe I do have "situational" depression. I just gotta figure out what situation that is and get rid of it? Do you advocate the drugs then?

Janice

Having suffered chronic depression since I was a child I understand how you are feeling. I finally went to see a doctor a year ago after I had a mental breakdown from depression coupled with family stresses-I have a very needy and demanding disabled husband who was driving me insane at the time-ran away from home and ended up going to see these idiots in another state I met over the internet and wound up getting raped) and I started taking Lexapro. I also had to drop out of school last spring because I mentally could not deal with it at the time. The Lexapro made me kind of monotone but it did help with the depression. It actually helped me focus and deal with things easier.

AND I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU MEAN WHEN YOU TALK ABOUT CRITICAL FAMILY MEMBERS!

My mother made sure to find a reason to make this comment after she found out I was on antidepressants, "People take drugs and use depression as an excuse because they can't deal with real life like other people have to." And she wonders why I choose to live so far away from her! My husband is worse than she is!

I have been off the Lexapro for awhile now and I'm feeling the effects. I'm hanging around on this message board because I'm trying to blow off nervous steam from anxiety and depression. I just can't concentrate right now, I need to be studying chemistry.

You're lucky to have a good husband, that's something I cant count on. I've about faced that my life is over as far as having anything to look forward to. Just think of how lucky you are compared to some of the rest of us.

Good luck.