I am a pre-nursing student looking to apply to the RN program at a local CC this week. Recently, I was diagnosed by my doctor with depression, something that has probably been with me for a while now. My husband is a police officer and works almost the exact opposite hours as me. Mostly, we pass each other in the hallway. He is pretty much my only friend and pretty much the only person I feel good around or believe loves me for who I am. Almost everyone else I know, including the rest of my family, I believe is highly critical of me and therefore I am not as open with them. I don't feel they understand me. Recently also, I had a problem at work concerning coworkers that devastated me. Without going into details I can say that people that I thought were my friends turned out not to be after 5 years of working together. It was a huge betrayal. Since I already have so few close friends that I talk to or go anywhere with, it really did hurt me. It was a major blow to my self esteem. I do not have any kids, but do have a very dysfunctional family. Let's just say they don't make me feel "good inside". I love them, it is just for me to communicate with them at all right now.
My doctor prescribed my Effexor XR and I am scared to take it. Right now I have two options:
1. Take the pills and keep my full time job until I officially get into nursing school. (I work at a desk in a PPO network)
OR..
2. Quit my full time job and seek a part time entry level job in a hospital very close to me to get me into the field
Right now, trying to do everything is really burning me out. Unfortunately, I had to use all my vacation time to take my NA class, so I have no time and cannot "take a break". I MUST finish BIO 202 this semester to get into school and am looking to take Patho in the spring if I have to wait till summer to get into nursing school.
I think we can afford for me to drop to part time. We have a little bit saved up. Of course, it would be entry level something, I will likely take atleast a 4.00/hr cut in pay. On the up side, quitting would allow me more time to get in a better place mentally, work on my school, and, most importantly, get into the hospital I am looking at working at after graduation. In addition, I could have the same days off as hubby....that would be almost three whole days off together a week, something we have not experienced ever in our relationship! We haven't had even one day off together regularly for over three years. It is eating at me now, likely because i only feel good now when with him??
The only con that I can think of in quitting the full time job now is benefits. I won't have insurance. And, of course, money. I won't be able to save that much, if any until I get up to full time.
I am just so scared to make any changes, but right now I am running into all kinds of problems. I can't see my nursing advisor because she is only available when I am supposed to be at work and cuz I have no time, I can't get off. I can't get off to do other school related things (you know, the kinds of stuff you gotta do Mon-Fri).
I was trying to stay at my job until March or so. I would get three weeks paid vacation then. But right now I feel like I am going out of my mind. It does not seem to be going away and I feel like if I don't change something, something is going to give. For the life of me though, I cannot seem to make this decision myself!!! Yesterday, I realized I needed an Advisor signature on my nursing application. I didn't have it so I started crying. I almost burned the papers up! I have BIO 202 homework, but I am denying it so I can sit here and type to you!! I need to get focused on the goals I am trying to accomplish. I want one day to have an option to stay home if I want to have kids and my current job will not give me that. I want to feel important.
If you had those two options, what would you do? Would you stay in your full time job that you did not much care for for insurance and $$ and tough it out until nursing school started? OR, should I quit now, go entry level into a hospital part time, get a break before nursing school starts, and enjoy some time with my hubby? I will still have classes and could go full time after a few months. I did my NA classes, but have not been able to study up for the exam, so eventually I could do that and get my CNA if I had more time.
Please help me decide. I know everyone says you gotta do what you feel you should do, but i cannot decide. I wanted to ask you all because I know you are in the profession and can tell me what you think would be most beneficial to me assuming I stay with nursing. Everyone outside of the profession just thinks I would be an idiot to take a cut in pay if I did not have to. But it is not about just that. There are so many factors involved. I don't want to be depressed when I am due to enter nursing school. I have been questioning whether I will be able to handle it if I don't deal with this now. What do you think???
Thank you all so much for your advice. I have no one else to turn to.
Janice, do you have something you rest your feet on at work? That might alleviate the back pain (lol, I kept trying to write "aleve" and it just didn't look right! I must be tired!).
Yes, unfortunately I have tried everything. I know all there is to know about ergonomics and I work out, blah..blah. They can't find a reason for it. I have only had a bone scan, never had a MRI. Doc gave me a presciption to get one, but I can't afford it...again, with my crappy insurance!LOL! Problem is, my range of movement really isn't restricted and I don't have any tingling so no one cares. Everyone thinks it is all in the muscles. I have some mild scoliosis, but the doctor dismissed that saying it should not cause pain, but I swear all my pain radiates from the apex of the scoliotic curve.
For now, it is a mystery. I am sure those of us that deal with chronic pain on a daily basis can agree on how debilitating it can be mentally and physically over time. Maybe one day I will figure it out......
Everyone has given you great advice, but I'll throw in my .02. Think of medication as insulin is to a diabetic. Your chemistry is out of whack (emotional, financial, etc., LOSS does this!) and anti-depressants are *restorative.* I'm a psychotherapist and trained in the 80s before SSRIs, etc. became so well accepted. It pains me now to think about how much my clients would have benefited from meds and how futile a lot our work was w/o them.
Keep in mind that these meds take a while to work, but they are really effective. If Effexor isn't for you -- some SSRIs like Prozac are now generic and really cheap!
I know how easy it is to get overwhelmed when trying to process everything through the haze of depression -- so if for no other reason, please take the trial of Effexor and check in her as often as you can.
One final thing I noticed about your post: you and your husbands are in **caretaking** roles and this is really stressful. A lot of professional caregivers don't care well for themselves at all (see my thread "were you your family's caregiver).
Put yourself FIRST, your marriage second and see what happens.
I have worked in desk jobs and i found that exercise helped the back pain...even swimming and isometric exercises helped...
do take meds prescribed very important..it is lnot a sign of weakness it is a sign you are taking charge of your life
do not discuss your depression with family or with co-workers...vent here if you need to but people don'tg understand and some just plain are not interested..regardless it is not their business and they can't help you except to tell you to snap out of it
maybe your husband could change his shift so that you can spend more time together
maybe it is not your job that is bothering you maybe after you have taken meds and got some other help everything will look different
there are self help groups...there are programs for people w/o insurance to get help..check w/your local government agencies
what ever you do make some changes.....your life is in your hands and you are the only one who can make a differance////let family problems take care of themselves for a while...you really have no control over them and if they take your energy and are critical of what you do they are not an asset...
Is a common co-morbidity with depression. Could be what's causing the back pain. You may want to see a doctor who understands the connection, if your present one does not.
One of my favorite stories is told by a doctor who had a little old lady (LOL) who came in for help. She was clearly depressed, and enumerated several problems. The doc thought, my goodness, if I had all those problems, I'd be depressed, too. Nevertheless, the doc put the LOL on anti-depressants. A bit of time passed and the doc saw the LOL again. She seemed content. He asked about all her problems. "Oh", she said, "they're still there...but they don't bother me as much."
I think that you really need some therapy base on your description of your state of mind. i dont think is wise to give you any other advice. let me tell you that to be license as a nurse yuo have to be in good mental health, does anyone know whta that means?
good luck and take care of your self firts so than you can take care of otehrs.
Yes, take the meds -- give them a chance to work -- as others have said. It does sound like having a chance to spend time with hubby is important to you -- that benefit may outweigh the insurance/vacation etc type benefits for you --
As someone else mentioned -- having hubby as the only source of positive input can create a huge burden for him. Regardless of how much we love someone, having to be the giver in a relationship all the time can be overwhelming -- branch out a little bit -- yes, it is hard to trust folks -- there is always the risk of getting let down, put down or hurt -- but if you never take risks, you never get the rewards either. Look for friends that share interests or hobbies you enjoy, maybe a church or charity organization -- not heavy involvement -- as it sounds like you have a busy life as it is. Therapy is not a bad idea -- sometimes having someone to talk to who is not IN the situation -- can make a huge difference!
Hang in there! Remember, meds don't just "POOF!" work overnight -- takes some time -- may need to adjust doses or med -- keep trying!! Depression is a real bummer and if the meds can help -- they can be a godsend!!
I would get down on my knees and pray earnestly. If you are not a Christian I would fix that first and foremost, then I would seek that "wisdom from above". People will frequently let you down, misguide, and even betray you. HE never ever will.
hypnotic_nurse
627 Posts
Janice, do you have something you rest your feet on at work? That might alleviate the back pain (lol, I kept trying to write "aleve" and it just didn't look right! I must be tired!).