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Discussion

3rd shift and bf

I've been working the night shift for three months now and have recently started feeling resentment towards my boyfriend. We've never had issues before. He works during the day outside building challenge courses and training staff for them and I'm inside up all night and asleep when it's nice out. I feel animosity because he gets to be outside in the sun where I love to be and I'm asleep all day and up all night and don't get to enjoy it. It's a stupid thing to feel upset about but I just miss being outdoors and especially being outdoors doing fun things such as testing zip lines with him.

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    • Experts

    Yeah, klance, that's areal bummer, but sometimes we have to give up things to get things.

    Aside from stating the obvious, such as you making a shift change where you work, there are other things that can be done. For example, maybe bf can make a change in his sleeping schedule. You know, stay up all night on his day off and be on a sleep/wake schedule with you on those days you both have off.

    I, too, love the outdoors, and worked 8 hour MN shift for years. So, in the mornings after work, I'd bicycle and do other day things and then crash from noon 'til 8pm. I stayed on that schedule and it was wonderful. Now that I work three MN 12's, it's relatively easy transitioning to a day schedule.

    Good luck to you, klance- there's always a way to make MN shifts more palatable if we work at it.

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    Some people can do night shift, some cannot.. I never could. Night shifts are a beeyotch, don't take it out on your boyfriend.

    Get a day job, best wishes.

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    • Guides

    While your feelings of disappointment are understandable, it would be a mistake to ruin a good relationship by resenting someone who has nothing to do with what you are feeling resentful about. That's part of adulting.

    Night shift is hard. I personally was unable to tolerate it and got to day shift after 3.5 months of struggling through it.

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    If it is really making your miserable maybe start looking for a dayshift position or maybe a job where you work 8 hour shifts vs 12.

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    Not his fault, don't make it his problem. Change your shift or your job. If he wants to change , all the better, but don't be "that" girlfriend...

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    • Experts

    That's why most employers pay extra for the night shift hours.

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    Are you working full time? Five 3rd shifts a week, or 3 12's? If five 3rd shfifts a week can you cut back to 4?

    I always worked four 3rd shifts a week. Working four nights out of a seven day week I never felt I was missing out on day time activities.

    If you were working 1st shift, 7 - 3 you would be missing out just as much! You are either working approximately 7 am to 3 pm, or sleeping 7 am to 3 pm.

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    It's not his fault. As others have said, maybe this is not the shift for you.

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    • Experts
    Not his fault, don't make it his problem. Change your shift or your job. If he wants to change , all the better, but don't be "that" girlfriend...

    I agree. While I can understand why you feel some resentment towards him, the fact is that it's YOU who are working nights, not him. So if you want things to be different, YOU need to be the one to change them. This could mean:

    1. Getting a job with different hours, whether it's switching shifts at your current facility or finding a new job elsewhere.

    2. Adjusting your sleeping/waking habits to sync more with his free time. This is what I do.

    3. Get a new boyfriend. I'm only half-kidding here. Because if you don't make a change to address your feelings of resentment, that resentment is just going to build up to the point that it will start to be detrimental to your relationship. So if you want to avoid this option entirely, you need to take action using 1 and/or 2.

    Nights aren't for everyone, and that's OK. Sometimes people get stuck working nights for a while, but usually most are able to transition to a more desirable (for them) shift.

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    It's light out and nice out well into the evenings now. If you get home from your night shift around 8am, go to bed and sleep while your boyfriend is at work and then do something together outside in the evening after he gets out of work. On your mutual days off, go zip lining or whatever floats your boat.

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    Recently there was a long thread on AN about FOMO (fear of missing out). If I ever experienced FOMO it was during the 2 years I worked straight nights. I remember one evening when I was getting ready to go to work I made the mistake of going to Facebook. A secretary from my unit posted "I love this time of year. Lying in bed, with the windows open, feeling the breeze..." or something to that effect. For whatever reason, I was more upset by some saying they were lying in bed with the windows open than I was about all my friends doing fun things during the days. However, you get past it. Yes, you are "stuck" on nights, but it is not permanent. Look for day shift jobs--you may have to rotate at first. However, there are full time day jobs out there. I know it stinks right now...I've been there. It will get better--just be patient and keep your eyes open.

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    Recently there was a long thread on AN about FOMO (fear of missing out). If I ever experienced FOMO it was during the 2 years I worked straight nights. I remember one evening when I was getting ready to go to work I made the mistake of going to Facebook. A secretary from my unit posted "I love this time of year. Lying in bed, with the windows open, feeling the breeze..." or something to that effect. For whatever reason, I was more upset by some saying they were lying in bed with the windows open than I was about all my friends doing fun things during the days.

    I had a *serious* case of FOMO as a new nurse on night shift. I was so jealous of everything that I was missing.

    I don't have any brilliant advice OP. It sucks, but it's just part of being on nights, I guess?

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