"stop isolating yourself"

Lev, MSN, RN, NP · Aug 8, 2016

It sounds like you may have been the topic of conversation and she was letting you know in a slightly roundabout way. Make a point to engage - even something as simple as "I have to take care of some education modules. If you need anything I'll be at

my computer."

LOVEGREEN · Aug 8, 2016

Even though it was unwanted advice, if it was presented pleasantly she probably thought she was helping you out. In a close knit unit you might be coming off as much more standoff ish than you intend.

Been there,done that, ASN, RN · Aug 8, 2016

Far from being rude, she was kind enough to give you a head's up. I get that you need to focus, I have the same style when I am new to an environment. I also got fired once after 2 weeks of orientation for "not smiling enough".

Your need to focus is being read as being unfriendly. The solution is simple... be friendly with your co-workers. "Good morning Nurse Nancy! How are ya today?" It's not exhausting... and you will learn something more important than those modules, you will learn about your colleagues.

TheCommuter, BSN, RN · Aug 8, 2016

I wrote about this issue a while back:

https://allnurses.com/nurse-colleague-patient/social-skills-in-965459.html

Human nature is rather bizarre because workplace relations are never really about the work that is being done. For instance, do you know a nurse who is loved by coworkers, patients, families and management even though her work is sloppy?

When we flip the coin, do you know a brilliant nurse with superb procedural and assessment skills who struggles at work due to an inability to connect on an interpersonal level with colleagues, patients, families and management?

It all points back to the concept of acknowledgment. Many of our coworkers size us up based on how good we make them feel, not by our good work performance. This may not be fair, but numerous things in life are unfair. Thus, nurses who validate the existence of their coworkers will always be favored over those who self-isolate, focus solely on work, and fail to form cordial workplace relations.

Some would say, "I am there to work, not to make friends." Do not get me wrong. You do not need to be personal friends with your coworkers. However, acknowledging them, validating their existence, and being the type of workmate that people like will go a long way. In other words, play the game.

SmilingBluEyes · Aug 8, 2016

Sounds like advice you would be wise to take.

Wuzzie · Aug 8, 2016

i took her "advice" as rude because I didn't ask for it. How would you respond to it? Thoughts?

You're being talked about for sure. She was giving you a heads-up in a simple, non-confrontational way. You should be thankful that she cares enough to go out on that limb for you. Heed her advice. Or continue to get all butt-hurt and thinking she's being rude and you might just lose an ally. Your choice.

TriciaJ, RN · Aug 9, 2016

You might want to confide to this nurse that you are focused on getting good at your new job because you don't want to let anyone down. Tell her you'll relax more when you feel more confident. If your coworkers know this about you, they might be willing to seek you out and help you learn the ropes. Or at least be less likely to write you off as unfriendly.

To BeenThere: any place that fires you for not smiling enough just saved you the trouble of having to run away screaming. But you probably already figured that out. :yes:

NotMyProblem MSN, ASN, BSN, MSN, LPN, RN · Aug 9, 2016

I agree that you do need present yourself as a team player. Your colleagues need to know that you are approachable and reliable before the excrement hits the fan. :up:

But for them to sit at the darn desk and make you the topic of conversation is not acceptable behavior, either. They should be welcoming you and presenting themselves as resources for you as you adapt to this new position/environment and learning the ropes. If they lose a nurse(s), nobody's going to sitting at the desk. They need the help just as you need the job. :yes: This puckering-up vessel is traveling a two-way street. :cautious:

NotMyProblem MSN, ASN, BSN, MSN, LPN, RN · Aug 9, 2016

It sounds like you may have been the topic of conversation and she was letting you know in a slightly roundabout way. Make a point to engage - even something as simple as "I have to take care of some education modules. If you need anything I'll be at
my computer."

^^^^^^Yes!!! You put yourself out there; now they can come get you when they need you. Give and take = TEAMWORK!!! :up:

amoLucia · Aug 9, 2016

You're being talked about for sure. She was giving you a heads-up in a simple, non-confrontational way. You should be thankful that she cares enough to go out on that limb for you. Heed her advice. Or continue to get all butt-hurt and thinking she's being rude and you might just lose an ally. Your choice.

I believe this says it all. That co-worker really was trying to do you a favor and was not being rude.

Employee relations are just that - the relationship you have with your peers/coworkers. Sadly, little is paid to the professional work/job performance skills portion, but is so lopside-edly skewed to all the personal stuff. It is a game that must be played in order to succeed.

Sad that the 'social butterflies' are the ones to come out ahead - they're the 'schmoozers'. I was never a 'schmoozer'. Unfortunately I didn't learn that bit of info until late in my career. I never really acquired that skill.

We all need some 'schmoozability' to be in with the IN-group. I believe that was what that nurse was trying to tell you. Accept her 'gift' and use it wisely. You say you're a new employee - you're prob still on orientation (?). If you're NOT in with the 'schmoozers, your position may be on shaky grounds - you won't have anyone to back you.

RNperdiem, RN · Aug 9, 2016

Make an effort to reach out a bit more then, but beware. Nurses who freely discuss other nurses are gossips. Don't reveal too much about your personal life and give gossipy coworkers ammunition they can use.