a "friend" looked me up on the BON?????

Nurses LPN/LVN

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So, I haven't been active on this board in a few years, as I've had two children in the last 4 years, letting my LVN license lapse (intending to renew soon). BUT, I have been involved in a mommy/playdate meetup group for the last 10 months. I'm actually a co-organizer (appointed by the organizer). So the other day, after a playdate that ended at 11:45am, I get a random text from the fellow mom/organizer, basically saying she was "concerned" about me saying I got my BSN, because she LOOKED ME UP ON THE BOARD OF REGISTERED NURSING AND COULDN'T FIND ME! ok, so first, who's "friend" looks them up and is concerned about it in the first place? Must note, we've never hung out outside of the meetup group play date events and have not hung out as friends. When we DO meetup for the play dates, I'm there with my children for 2 hours max. I do not watch her kids by myself, I am not being hired by her for any reason whatsoever, so why the concern?

When i said I dont remember saying I ever had my BSN, she proceeded to COPY AND PASTE A TEXT MESSAGE i had texted her during a previous conversation in reply to her getting her masters degree in psych online. I had said "I almost went through an online program for my BSN." Which to me, meant I had looked into getting my BSN. I did not feel the need to even say I never went through with it because I was only relating to her saying she was going through an online program. So odd. She had looked me up on the BON as her mother is a nurse and referred her there, and couldn't find me.

So she had wanted me to "clear things up for her" because of her concern. I kept it short, feeling quite violated (I think also, because she's kinda crossed the boundaries w/ other members of the group). I said I never went through the program and I have my LVN, which is a vocational nurse but have let it lapse since having my second child. She proceeded to tell me I should renew it but empathizes w/ me wanting to be a full time stay at home mom (?????)

I simply replied "yes, that's something my husband and I have discussed." That was it. I was shaking. I mean, she told me she's very forward, so that's how she addresses things, but I mean, why did she feel the need to do it via text and why then? Couldn't she have waited until a future playdate and casually asked me about where I got my BSN from?

She texted me like 3-4 other paragraphs about what she was doing as far as school and how she was going to get her masters in psych (even though she knew the content well), so people would TRUST her. I'm like oooook.

So from a "psych" perspective, texting someone about something of this nature, probably isn't the best way to approach it, as the person on the receiving cannot see your body language or hear the tone in your voice (or lack of voice b/c it's a text). Sheesh.

Sorry so long. I have NOTHING to hide. I think she was thrown off b/c i also have a BA in art, so she said i was saying that, then the nursing thins. She was probably genuinely confused, but bring it up in face to face conversation, instead of being accusatory. i'm sorry, it was really odd and felt totally out of place and really just put me off to wanting to continue being active in the group.

Another mom I had been friends w/ left the group b/c this person had been texting her nonstop about an issue. and then when she asked if i wanted to be co-organizer, I politely refused but then a few weeks later, she automatically updated the info on the group by putting me as co-organizer and i went with it.

Ok, rant over. Would like some input if you've stuck with me this far ;) I initially had a weird feeling about her and then this. I'm a person who minds her own business and doesn't like to rock the boat, so getting something like this via text was a little unnerving.

Exactly Ruas61! If she wanted to & not let me know, fine. But the need for "concern" is perplexing. She could have asked me about it casually in person at a later date or state that maybe she misunderstood me regarding not having a BSN. Weird. She's all for a "harmonious" & "friendly" group atmosphere (her words) for the sake of the kids but we're not that close that I feel the need to continue interacting with her. Like I'd said, another mom left the group because she was upset by witnessing how her 4 year old was shoving her daughter & wouldn't share toys, which the mom denied & then harassed her via text. I was in the middle hearing both sides but trying not to engage in the drama as it was between them, but I stuck with the group basically giving up the friendship with the other mom which sucks. It is what it is and my eyes are wide open now I guess.

Specializes in NICU, PICU, Transport, L&D, Hospice.

add her phone number to the "spam" or "blocked" list in your text function.

be civil, respectful, but distant with her.

decline to engage in any personal conversation with her, she is NOT your friend

Seems you need to get more involved with your own preoccupations and put aside the nosey noses. You don't have time for this.

Specializes in ER.

The BON site is public record. I've looked up people there before. But, the whole texting you thing indicates that she has a screw loose. Like a previous poster said, her sense of boundaries is skewed.

Now don't take this wrong anyone, I was a SAHM myself way back when. But, some of the women in those play groups are nuts. I was in a number of them in past years. Same with school volunteer ladies. The competitiveness over child milestones, the pushy hover mothers, they drive me up the flipping wall.

I would personally avoid a boundary stomper like that at all costs. I would also never stick around in a moms group where I am disrespected like that. Keep the friends, lose the passive aggressive boundary stompers.

^^This^^ Love it!! Love the term "boundary stomper".

It sounds like she is a very insecure person who wants to boost her ego

by comparing your accomplishments (and others, I bet) to hers. It's really weird that she feels the need to confront a person on it, though. She's acts like she's a self-appointed detective who feels the need to do a background check of sorts on the members of the group she feels threatened by. This Mommy Detective ™ can just go on with her bad self! You obviously have a great head on your shoulders and see right through her games.

I ran into a few of these types in my mommy group days of yesteryear. I bet she's super competitive in comparing her child to other children in the group.

Ladies like that drove me crazy! The good thing was that we quickly found out which of us "clicked" and subtly broke off and formed our own group. Many of those women are still friends today and my kids are 12 and 15 years old.

This nosey lady has too much time on her hands. She's got nothing better to do than play detective? You're only an acquaintance.

That chick is weird. Stay away....very far away...

Dont give her a reason to be upset with you because you never know what a loose canon like her is capable of but just quietly exit her life all together.

Specializes in Complex pedi to LTC/SA & now a manager.

Besides the BoN does not delineate if you are a diploma, ASN, BSN or MSN just RN or LVN/LPN.

Back slowly away so you can see any other daggers coming at you and ducj

Ah, yes. Welcome to the mommy club. Plenty of nuts to go around. I have this theory about some SAHM's but that's another discussion entirely.

Back slowly away so you can see any other daggers coming at you and ducj

And if you have a pet rabbit, make sure you lock the cage.....(sorry, I just had to....this woman sounds super creepy)....:wacky:

Yeah, I was a stay-at-home mom and never went to these mommy groups.

I'm not a group person. Didn't do a study group at school either.

Mommy groups can be dangerous - whether they stay home or work or are full-time students.

It's the grouping . . . .there's a competition, a drive, to one-up each other. Before I joined AN all those many years ago, I was a newbie to the internet and I first joined one famous mommy online group. The women were vicious!! :nailbiting:

I like having one friend to hang with . . .maybe two.

I'm the same way. I mean right now I'm a SAHM but I'm a total introvert who craves alone time & has a very few close friends but joined thinking I needed to get out more for my kids : / I don't like wasting my time on small talk either. Thanks for the warnings fellow moms out there. I do have a few mom friends who I've known since my own elementary school/church days who I've been hanging out with occasionally so will probably stick with that & good ol' library story times for now :) my kids are only 2 & 3

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