"And it's all going to be your fault"

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You know, I've been thinking....

Dangerous pastime, apparently, because the more I think about this, the madder I get. I am not doing my blood pressure any favors here.

I have been a member for a while now, read these threads even before I became a member, and I have noticed a disturbing trend. I am wondering if anyone else has as well.

It all our fault.

I don't care what happens, who does it, who causes it, the nurse gets blamed. Management backs up the customer-cum-patient, admin backs up the managers, HR backs up the admin.

So, I dreamed this little warning label of sorts up for all those wide-eyed, fresh-faced nurses-to-be out there. I wish someone had told me what I was getting myself into.

Dear Soon-to-Be Nurse:

A Friendly Warning. It's all going to be your fault.

After school, you'll get a job. You'll be ready to take on the world. Get ready. It's coming.

You'll get asked for medical advice by every family member, friend, relation, acqaintance, and person you don't even know that gets wind that you are a nurse. One of 4 things will happen:

1) You will advise them, they will not follow the advice. They will not get well. And it's all going to be your fault.

2)You will tell them that you would rather not advise them, that they need to consult their regular doc. They won't do it amd that won't get well. And it's all going to be your fault.

3) You will advise them and the advice will not help and the y will not get well. And it's all going to be your fault.

4) You will advise them, they will get well, pass along the advice to a friend, who had a DIFFERENT problem, and he will not get well. And it's all going to be your fault.

You will go to work. You'll go in to meet your patients for the day (or night). You'll smile and be perky. They will complain because they just found out that they have a dreaded disease and they don't want to be smiled at. And it's all going to be your fault.

You'll go in to see your next patient, still upset by the reaction of your first, and are a little less upbeat. They will complain because they have had a bad day and they think that their nurse should be happy just to serve them. And it's all going to be your fault.

The doctor did not order the pain medicine that Patient Number 3 ordered because the patient is a known drug abuser who is only in for his fix. The doctor explicitly states in his orders that he is not to be called for orders for pain. That patient refuses to accept this. And it's all going to be your fault.

Patient Number 4 is NPO, and Aunt Katie can not understand why he can not have something to eat. After all, he's hungry, and you are starving him to death. All the other nurses fed him. You're just mean. And it's all going to be your fault.

The doctor comes in to see Patient 4 and finds him wolfing down pizza that Aunt Katie brought him because she knows what he needs better that you do. They snuck the pizza in as you were coding Patient 5. Patient 4 now has to reschedule his surgery since he ate. And it's all going to be your fault.

The doctor will call the supervisor to tell her how incompetently run this floor is and how no one ever does what they are supposed to do. The supervisor will pacify the doctor and the patients and family. She will tell you to be more careful in how you present yourself, because the patients perception of you, while not measurable, is important. Never mind that you have done everything by the book, to the letter, and that, Oh yes, nuber 5 is alive, thank you. No, no, we have to work on our image and smile, smile, smile, (except around patient 1) even though you may have just herniated your umbilicus doing compressions, because our patients have a perception. And if it goes to heck, it's all going to be YOUR fault.

No, the above did not happen. Maybe I am just jaded. That's why I got away from the bedside, and why I am getting my NP. I want to be a manager that has my nurse's back. That will say, "No, Mr. Loudmouth, you may NOT have 4 cheeseburgers. You may NOT call my nurses foul names. You may NOT help yourself to any and everything on this floor like it was your own personal mini-mart." If I ever acted the way I have seen some sups act, "Well just watch how you present yourself.", I would hope someone smacked me!

Flame me if you want to. I really do think newbies should be warned about things. I think they should be trained how to handle it, not sold up the river. Maybe this would also help with the shortage. Just maybe. Thanks.:D

Specializes in ER, PACU, Med-Surg, Hospice, LTC.
So, I dreamed this little warning label of sorts up for all those wide-eyed, fresh-faced nurses-to-be out there. I wish someone had told me what I was getting myself into.

Beautifully written!

Oh, and don't forget.....if patients still don't get exactly what they want, they can always report you, anonymously, to your State BON and the State will begin an investigation from their end to see why you did or didn't do exactly what the patient stated.

And people wonder why 1 in 5 new grads quit w/in one year and another 20% quit w/in the next five!

I can relate, I start my shift with this goofy smile on my face, ( actually I have been told I have a nice smile) and then it is not long before I am getting shot down for something. Now I am one of those nurses that tries to be customer service oriented but just this week I slipped on a wet floor, I was in severe agony because I twisted my foot and I just could not smile. One of my patient's noticed, sorry I can't smile when I am in pain, though I am trying, I know it is not your fault I slipped, no I am not really a nasty grouch. No support from my co-workers, like maybe get my patient's light while I am trying to discharge another, could you just shut your mouth for one minute and stop socializing and notice the call light? No I have to stop what I am doing and ask you to answer the light....I get disgusted because I am usually the first one to answer someone else's light or go in and get the new patient settled so you can get report, I hate the days I can't find my smile. But then it is all my fault...

I think I work with you.... why do we do this to ourselves?

AngelfireRN,

I do not want to flame you- I want to work with you.

A couple of years ago I got chewed royally out by a GI doc because my patient had only taken a few sips of her Golytle.

When he had finished reading me the riot act, we went in together to look at the patient.

She projectile vomited right at his shoes.

THAT was not MY fault!

I would have paid good money to see that.

I think I began to understand this just a few months after I became an RN. It was also three days before I got married, and I was working my last shift before my wedding. I took a man who had muscle biopsy out to his car at discharge, and he was mad at the doctor for discharging him. When I helped him out of his wheelchair, he shoved me hard in the chest and I fell back on the pavement on my butt. I had a bruise on the center of my chest that I had to cover up with makeup on my wedding day.

I remember crying and feeling very ashamed, and I didn't tell anyone about it. I thought if I had been a better nurse, maybe he wouldn't have done that to me. I remembered bringing him coffee and a warm blanket, and wondering if I could have done more? It had already started...even I was blaming myself.

Blah. I hate talking about this subject. There's like no way for it to improve. My self esteem has taken a tremendous hit since I've become an RN. You're right - someone is always mad at and blaming us, and there doesn't seem anyway to change that.

Specializes in med-surg, psych, ER, school nurse-CRNP.
AngelfireRN,

I do not want to flame you- I want to work with you.

You don't know how much I needed to hear that. Thanks!

I think I began to understand this just a few months after I became an RN. It was also three days before I got married, and I was working my last shift before my wedding. I took a man who had muscle biopsy out to his car at discharge, and he was mad at the doctor for discharging him. When I helped him out of his wheelchair, he shoved me hard in the chest and I fell back on the pavement on my butt. I had a bruise on the center of my chest that I had to cover up with makeup on my wedding day.

I remember crying and feeling very ashamed, and I didn't tell anyone about it. I thought if I had been a better nurse, maybe he wouldn't have done that to me. I remembered bringing him coffee and a warm blanket, and wondering if I could have done more? It had already started...even I was blaming myself.

Blah. I hate talking about this subject. There's like no way for it to improve. My self esteem has taken a tremendous hit since I've become an RN. You're right - someone is always mad at and blaming us, and there doesn't seem anyway to change that.

Wow- this post really got to me. Sadly, I totally understand it.

Hugs to you, LilyBlue.

Specializes in M/S, MICU, CVICU, SICU, ER, Trauma, NICU.

Been there done that.

I will say, however...no... NOT my fault.

You, patient dear, have been told you are NPO. You want to eat before surgery? You were told not to. You ate? YOUR fault.

You want your drug fix and doctor told you no. Deal with it. No matter what you say, it's not going to change anything. Let me know how I can help you to HELP yourself, otherwise...not my fault.

You chose not to eat well, you chose not to take care of your blood pressure, and you know recreational drugs are not good for you. You did it/do it anyway? YOUR fault.

I am here to assist, help, facilitate, educate, and care and all the superlatives that describe the role of a nurse....

Unless I am doing something against my better judgment as a prudent nurse...there is no "my fault."

I sleep well at night and I've been doing this for 18 years.......

Specializes in neuro, ICU/CCU, tropical medicine.
you chose not to eat well, you chose not to take care of your blood pressure, and you know recreational drugs are not good for you. you did it/do it anyway? your fault.

oh yeah! last week i had a patient who was admitted to the ccu in a hypertensive crisis. the guy weighed over 150 kg, had chf and a dissecting aortic aneurysm, and came in positive for cocaine.

the guy started yelling at me because he hadn't gotten a breakfast tray.

i told him that i really didn't care if he ate or not, my priority was to prevent him from dying on my shift.

I loved the original post sooooo much I am not going to read anyone else's response in case it spoils it.

Specializes in Med/Surg.

OH, had a good one for this over the weekend. Patient came in that was a Short Stay (that dept is closed on Sundays, so we see them on the floor). Big open wound to the back of her neck/upper back that gets dressing changes with this polymer foam stuff once a day. Anyway. Patient was just MEAN, but that's another issue. She also smelled to high heaven, nails were BLACK, hair was nasty.....(the fact that she was so downright mean makes me feel not-so-bad saying that). I mean, the smell about knocked me over getting close enough to her to change this dressing in the first place.

I asked her if she had any pain. "Yea, that nurse yesterday put the dressing on too tight." She proceeds to take off her shirt, which is all wet with draiinage, because the dressing is all slid off and half the wound is exposed anyway. Yea, um, sure....too tight. I had to ask her repeatedly to hold up her hair while I changed the thing. Meanwhile, patient's son and his kid are there, too, and the kid is SCREAMING and pushing furniture all around the room. Total side note, but anyway. ACK.

"Did you change your gloves after you took the old dressing off?"

"There's a little corner of the wound still peeking out there...."

The kicker....."WE DON'T WANT IT TO GET INFECTED."

Um, RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT. Because, considering all of the circumstances in front of me, it's going to be MY FAULT if it gets infected.

Hrmph.

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