Quitting? Bummed out. :o

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Looks like I'm soon to be an ex-nursing student. :o

My husband and I have been hashing things out on the phone. He lives 2 hours away because of his job, and I and my two sons live in my hometown (near my parents and grandparents). My husband is depressed and financially strapped because of our situation, and is telling me that I either must move over there with him or we need to get a divorce.

Of course I've been in tears over the whole decision. Leaving the school I love, the classmates I've befriended, and the chance to graduate 1-2 years earlier to move cross-state and have to re-apply, etc?

I guess maybe it shouldn't be such a tough decision, but I'm really having a hard time with it.

This gripe may have no place on this public bulletin board, but I just needed to vent and couldn't seem to find a friend... Thanks for reading. :)

Specializes in LTC, assisted living, med-surg, psych.
I think you hit the nail on the head, Marla - thanks for your honest input. :)

To be completely honest, I'm probably a little too codependent, and he's a little too controlling. I'm just hoping that if I let the situation lie, it'll resolve itself.

Just got off the phone after another lengthy conversation with him and us both shedding lots of tears, I'm sure he misses his children terribly, but I also feel like he's using that as a pawn to play on my emotions. For now I think I'll complete my fall semester here, and at least check into transferring into the program at the uni there.

Good for you, dear......PLEASE, whatever else you do in life, never, ever give up your dreams. Nothing, and no one, is worth sacrificing that which makes you truly happy; if you do, you'll end up bitter and angry in the end, and I wouldn't want that to happen to you! :kiss

Aww, Manna...(((hugs))) I remember reading your blog when school first started. You seemed so excited. I hope it works out for your family. I really, really do.

Manna, no offense, but your husband sounds rather selfish. You went through a lot of sacrifice and hard work to get into school. Don't let him take that away from you. I believe that if we don't have supportive partners, then they are no help to us when we need them the most.

Manna,

Prayers coming. There's got to be some solution. As a divorced mom of 3 since '87, I feel there are few things more devasting ... emotionally, financially, etc. I agree w/the above posts that his needing you right there, right now is a bit questionable. He may not even realize he's being manipulative.

you're definitely in my prayers tonight.

Specializes in Med-Surg, Trauma, Ortho, Neuro, Cardiac.

Good luck in whatever you do. Too bad your husband is holding you hostage (quit school or divorce me).

Hold on to your dream and best of luck to you. :)

Manna! Girl, take it from someone who's done it. Dropping out of school once you have started classes and starting over sucks big time! My husband was totally supportive about me finishing school and it was me who decided to move. Even though my withdrawal was totally my decision, I was still depressed over it big time and resented myself, my husband, even this stupid town we live in now (even though Chattanooga is a perfectly wonderful city). And when it came time to interview for my new program, I had some 'splaning to do over why I had dropped out before, why I should be given a second chance and would it happen again? Not a great situation to be in, let me tell ya. Even though I am starting next week, I still kick myself over the year that I lost/wasted and I still wonder if I made the right decision.

If my memory is right, you guys have been struggling for a while right? He chose to take the job 2 hours away, didn't he? And he has been asking you to move over there with him. Here's a question, if he's financially strapped right now, with just him, how if he going to handle it when he has himself, you and your 2 boys to take care of? Or does he expect you to work once you get out there? How will you work and go to school and take care of your boys and the house without any support system like you have now? Will your boys have to change schools or start going to daycare? How will you pay for the daycare?

I'm sorry, I don't know your husband at all, but his timing is mightly suspicous. It was okay for you to stay in school when he first took this job and moved, right? Why is he now trying to reneg on that agreement? Why is he threatening divorce? How will getting a divorce solve the situation? You 2 will still be apart, he won't get to see his boys that often, I just don't see how getting a divorce is a solution. I believe that it's just a threat and he is banking on you not calling his bluff. He is trying to scare you so that he can get what he wants.

I'm not trying to be mean or judgemental or anything like that. I know that you couldn't enroll in the rad tech program last year because of family/money issues. I would hate to see you drop out of a program that you have started and that you seem to love. Trust me, it is 1000 times harder to drop out once you have gotten interested in your courses, and made friends with your classmates. Don't do it! After the fall semester, you will have a year and a half to go or close to that, right? Stick with it because that time will be nothing compared to the time you spend kicking yourself if you do drop out and move. *hugs*

A

ps, I will keep you and your husband in my prayers, that you will receive strength to get through this and that your husband will get his head out of his @ss.

Specializes in Nephrology, Cardiology, ER, ICU.

This is so similar to my situation! I went to nursing school originally in 1977 right out of high school - got a year completed. One day out of the blue, I decided that this just wasn't for me, I quit school one day, joined the Navy the next and shipped out to boot camp the next day! Met hubby in 1979, married in 1980 and we were overseas until 1990. I did sacrifice for him a lot of the time and took rinky dink jobs just to be able to work. However, by the mid 80's I was kicking myself for not finishing nursing school. When we returned to the states in 1990, I was able to do the LPN program and then we moved again and I finished an ADN program. Now, I'm a married old lady and at 45 have completed the BSN and am off and running for the MSN. Our children are now adults and hubby is a teacher who doesn't work much during the summer. However, he has been wonderful understanding that I just can't do everything he wants me to do. Anyway, enough rambling:

1. Could you possibly do an LPN program now and then transfer to an RN program near your husband?

2. Since you are only two hours away, could you guys get togethe on weekends, leaving your husband time to advance his career, go to school, etc?

3. Could your husband keep the kids on the weekends?

4. Can you set up a date weekend...just the two of you?

Good luck...judi

True enough, he's been asking me to move over there for 8 months now, but he knows this is what I really want. I think he's a pretty emotionally fragile person in general, so he's not coping well with our separation at all (he only took this job about 9-10 months ago).

My friend's husband is like that. He can't stand being alone and wants her around every single minute so, whenever school starts up again and she gets really busy, he gives her a really hard time about it. He doesn't seem to understand the long term rewards once she becomes a nurse.

I'm so sorry this has happened to you. I hope it ultimately works out for you.

:uhoh21:

I think I'm on the total other end of opinions here. I couldn't stand being away from my husband like that. If he had to move to support our family, I would go with him, school or no school. We haven't been apart over night in 5 years, and we have seen each other everyday for the past 11 years. We would go mad without each other.

My husband on the other hand wouldn't have left unless there was no other choice. He knows how important school is for me and stability for our son. He doesn't want to be moving us around.

This is such a hard situation and my heart goes out you. I hope you can find a way to compromise and save your marriage. The LPN sugestion is a good one...I left RN school, (working on my marriage and my jealous husband was one reason I left) went to the LPN school and with a few tests and short LPN clinicals, got my LPN license and later worked my way through RN school. It worked great for us and I was able to convince my DH I was committed to our relationship. In his mind I was trying for more $$ so I could leave him; and school was primary, he was secondary...

If you can get him to talk honestly about his feelings perhaps you both can work out a compromise. However, my sister in retrospect looks back on her marriage where her hubby took a job 2 hrs away from her...the marriage suffered and failed because neither of their ambitions would bend. Only the two of you can work this out...consider a counselor or a pastor to help...and I wish you the best.(((HUGS)))

Manna....I am so sorry and will keep you in my prayers. I think your decision to try to finish the fall semester and look into transferring is a good one. Keep us updated, please.

I, too, have been in a similar situation. I wanted to start nursing school back in 1993, but my hubby wouldn't hear of it. He didn't want to give up my income, although we would have been fine because he had a really good job. We also only had two children at the time. Well, many sacrifices and three more children later.... He left us. Fortunately, I was able to go back to school full time after he left. I regret so much not following my dream. It has been such a struggle and my kids have had to give up so much... but it is definitely worth it. I was very codependent as well and I have come to learn that the best feeling in the world when you walk across that stage at graduation knowing that no matter what happens, you can support yourself and your children. Also, my kids have sooo much respect for me in following what I truly wanted to do with my life. Good luck to you and please keep in mind that although it is important for you and your husband to be on the same page with you going to school to lessen the stress, it is also important for you (as a codependent spouse) to feel some independent successes. My husband didn't like to see me in the student role because it was a role that he was not needed and he felt actually threatened by my chance of success. Now, I am feeling better about my self than I have in so many years and this makes me a better Mother to my children! PM me if you ever need anyone to talk to hon.

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