Question for Nurses who are MOMS

amyleadon · Jan 15, 2011

This is a great question. I am taking pre req's now to get into nursing. I have 2 small children and im wondering the same thing.

MJB2010 · Jan 15, 2011

I cannot answer all of your questions, but I can offer some advice. Go to nursing school BEFORE you have your children. Nursing school is super intense and NOT AT ALL family friendly. You also need to consider your first year or two as a nurse will be very difficult, stressful, and exhausting. People do it with children (and I admire those people) but you are young enough where I would recommend going to nursing school and working a year or two before having children if you can. During nursing school we used to joke about our house being "nursing school dirty" because school consumes your whole life. If you have small children, you need a very supportive spouse and family.

There are a lot of shifts available, new grads normally work nights, weekends, and holidays. If there is bad weather and school gets cancelled you still have to be at work.

I think it is probably a great profession for those that have children, because you can do shiftwork to balance childcare. But working 12 hours shifts 3 days a week means you wont see your children much on those days that you do work. For those I work with that do nights, they go to work around dinner time, and get home in the am sleep until school gets out, and then back to work at dinner. So they do see their children after school for a bit. I cant imagine working nights and having an infant.

Heart4hearts · Jan 15, 2011

I became a nurse, after my divorce, to be able to provide more $ for my 4 children. The career pays more than I made, without my degree (brought me out of poverty, into the "average" income range), however, many other choices would provide better, be more family friendly, and much less stressful! The field of nursing is so broad, though, it's difficult to generalize. As a new grad, I made almost twice what I'm mking now, working the "weekend night option" at a hospital. The bends were great, too. When working for a hospital, you can get your hours in a 3 day workweek, but those days are very ling, start very early (kids have to get themselves off to school, even in bad weather, if you don have help. You won't be there when they come home, and will rush home to try to say "goodnight". You will mds some evening committments: plays, and other events. There is not a lot of flexibility in your schedule, unless you plan ahead (about a month or more in advance)- no snow days! Your team counts on you to be there. I envy those who can start their workdays a little later, when something comes up! Hospital jobs can be very stressful and the work conditions can be very poor. Patient care is hard on your back, legs, feet, and if you work nights, your immune system. I'm working in a surgery center now. I make about what a new grad makes on a day shift position, no benes- not even PTO! But is very low-stress, fun, interesting. If I get sick, I'm up a creek with no health insurance. I have 2 days per week who h are inflexible, and can pick up extra hours. I am looking for a position which pays well enough to survive, which doesn't drain the life out of me! I found a wonderful position which allowed me to work from home, for a 6-figure salary, but had to travel extensively. I have never found a nursing position which provides a healthy environment with good working conditions, good pay, flexible/family-friendly hours in one position- always get one priority and make huge sacrifices in another area - can be challenging!

If I had it to do over again, would go for my NP (still considering, but costs more time from family), PA- much easier, CRNA (excellent $$ and have never met one who doesn't love it), dental hygeinist ($30 hour, the day you graduate, and much better hours), or pharmacist. Also keep in mind as a RN, you are held responsible for about the same knowledge as a physician - might be worth it for better working conditions!

As a RN, with the changes in government, have been advised to stay with a hospital, if your lifestyle can afford it!

Don't mean to sound too negative (I love patient care!) - just telling you what I wish I would have known & constantly struggling with! good luck!

flo136 · Jan 15, 2011

Hi. I am a 37 yr old Mum of a toddler. I work in Australia but trained in the UK.

Nursing is great for being a parent. My sister and my parents are all nurses too.

I do permanent nights in intensive care. I work 2 shifts a week, and it pays the mortgage with some left over for me!

Would I do it again? Yes.

Nursing has been my passport to the world. I have been so lucky to have had a great time doing this.

Although there are times I am a little burnt-out from the stress, overall it's a profession for all of your working life with such variety and skills. In the public's eye, you are so valuable to many.

Heart4hearts · Jan 15, 2011

Sorry for typos, above- my phone changes the spelling (meant to say benefits, will miss committments...)

There is a huge demand for nUrsing instructors (minimal requirement to be working on your master's). The pay is not good, but hours can be great for kids- get same holidays off, if that is what's most important to you. Also, you can make 6-figures as the manager on a hospital floor, and get Weekends and holidays off!

HollyHobby · Jan 15, 2011

I went back to college when my youngest (of 3) was 2 months old. It was hard, but I really did appreciate school more and try harder than when I was fresh out of high school. All that being said, I strongly- STRONGLY- suggest you finish your degree and work for at least a couple of years before you even think about having kids. You have plenty of time.

Most nurses do have kids, and we make it work, but nursing is not generally a family-friendly career. For one thing, you cannot leave during your shift, even if there is a family emergency. (Or if you can leave, it is only because you have a friend who is willing to come in and take over for you AND your manager approves it: managers probably will not allow this if your friend will get overtime as a result.) Even if one of your children were to be, god forbid, dying... you can't be sure you'd be allowed to go.

You cannot leave your patients. It does not matter if you have explosive diarrhea or if your house just blew up: you can't leave because you are legally obligated to stay and take care of your patients.

I once scheduled my son's hand surgery 6 months in advance so I could be sure I'd be off, but less than a week before the surgery my boss informed me I couldn't have that night off, after all. So my husband was there while my son had surgery, but I was not.

When my other son broke his leg, I had to leave him in others' hands because I had no choice but to go to work. The only other option would be to quit my job, which we could not afford. (You can't just call in sick, unless you work for a place with an extremely lenient policy.)

Nor could we pay for the broken leg without my insurance, which ended up refusing to pay the bill for 2 whole years because we did not get permission ahead of time to take the son whose leg was broken to the ER. It turns out that you can't take your kid to the ER without permission even if he has a severely broken bone; I didn't know that at the time.

When my mom had a near-fatal MI (heart attack) I could not go to her bedside, because I had to work. That's the breaks. Fortunately my mom didn't die then, but if she had I could not have been there with her.

You will work holidays. You will work MOST holidays. When my kids were very small, I could handle this by holding our family holiday on whichever day I didn't work. A four-year-old probably won't know it's really December 24th when he opens his presents or if Thanksgiving is on a Wednesday or a Sunday.

When the kids got older, my husband would take the kids to my in-laws and they would celebrate without me, but we always had a second celebration during a time when we could all be together. I missed most of my kids' plays, concerts, sporting events. I tried to make up for that by being available when I could, even when it meant going on less than 2 hours of sleep so I could attend daytime functions.

I work nights because nights are more family-friendly than days. By working nights, I could be more available to see my kids as long as I could get by without sleeping. I could answer the call from school, go and get my sick kid and take care of him. This was much easier to do when I was very young and didn't really need more than a couple of hours of sleep.

Every nurse who has kids really must have an extremely reliable back-up person because there are countless times when you simply cannot be there. If you work days and your kid gets sick at school, you must have someone else who CAN leave work, pick up your child, and take care of him. Having a supportive spouse is a big plus here, but you must factor in the very real possibility that your spouse will not be there.

I had a supportive spouse (I thought). He was the one who decided I would be a nurse. Then, because I worked nights, he left me for a stripper because I was not always there to entertain him at night.

You have to have a plan C and even a plan D in case plans A and B fail.

I've had two close friends who had a child that died while they were at work, and they were unable to leave work even though their child died. One child died from an asthma attack; the other died when her ventricular shunt malfunctioned. Granted, this was at a hospital that did not have management who cared at all about the nurses. I'm sure that at my current place, my manager and colleagues would somehow find a way to allow me to leave work if my child was seriously ill. Not all places are as good as this.

Keep in mind, too, that nurses all too often have crappy health insurance. When you have kids, you need good health insurance. This is something to compare when you select a job.

Reading what I've written here, I'd have to say that although I love being a nurse, I would not do it again. Looking back, I should have put my family first, and I was unable to do that. I do love being a nurse, I'm good at it, and it is incredibly rewarding. But every day, I regret all things I missed out on with my kids. I love nursing, but I love my kids more. My kids lost out, and so did I.

Most of my colleagues have one child or two. I don't know any who have four or five. If you had that many kids, nursing would probably not be compatible. Of course it would all depend on how lenient your manager is. I'm sure some places are much more supportive than what I have experienced.

ThePrincessBride, MSN, RN, NP · Jan 15, 2011

Hey all! Thanks for the responses.

If I had it to do over again, would go for my NP (still considering, but costs more time from family), PA- much easier, CRNA (excellent $$ and have never met one who doesn't love it), dental hygeinist ($30 hour, the day you graduate, and much better hours), or pharmacist. Also keep in mind as a RN, you are held responsible for about the same knowledge as a physician - might be worth it for better working conditions!

I have thought about dental hygiene as a back up if I don't get into Nursing school. The problem is that dental hygiene has many draw backs. Sure, the money is great, but many DHs don't get benefits and oftentimes have to work at several different locations to get full-time hours. It is also isn't a very diverse field, with little room for advancement. BUT, the hours are great.

However, I don't plan on stopping at the BSN level. I do plan on becoming a Nurse Practitioner, though my dad is pushing for me to become a CRNA.

ThePrincessBride, MSN, RN, NP · Jan 15, 2011

I went back to college when my youngest (of 3) was 2 months old. It was hard, but I really did appreciate school more and try harder than when I was fresh out of high school. All that being said, I strongly- STRONGLY- suggest you finish your degree and work for at least a couple of years before you even think about having kids. You have plenty of time.
Most nurses do have kids, and we make it work, but nursing is not generally a family-friendly career. For one thing, you cannot leave during your shift, even if there is a family emergency. (Or if you can leave, it is only because you have a friend who is willing to come in and take over for you AND your manager approves it: managers probably will not allow this if your friend will get overtime as a result.) Even if one of your children were to be, god forbid, dying... you can't be sure you'd be allowed to go.
You cannot leave your patients. It does not matter if you have explosive diarrhea or if your house just blew up: you can't leave because you are legally obligated to stay and take care of your patients.
I once scheduled my son's hand surgery 6 months in advance so I could be sure I'd be off, but less than a week before the surgery my boss informed me I couldn't have that night off, after all. So my husband was there while my son had surgery, but I was not.
When my other son broke his leg, I had to leave him in others' hands because I had no choice but to go to work. The only other option would be to quit my job, which we could not afford. (You can't just call in sick, unless you work for a place with an extremely lenient policy.)
Nor could we pay for the broken leg without my insurance, which ended up refusing to pay the bill for 2 whole years because we did not get permission ahead of time to take the son whose leg was broken to the ER. It turns out that you can't take your kid to the ER without permission even if he has a severely broken bone; I didn't know that at the time.
When my mom had a near-fatal MI (heart attack) I could not go to her bedside, because I had to work. That's the breaks. Fortunately my mom didn't die then, but if she had I could not have been there with her.
You will work holidays. You will work MOST holidays. When my kids were very small, I could handle this by holding our family holiday on whichever day I didn't work. A four-year-old probably won't know it's really December 24th when he opens his presents or if Thanksgiving is on a Wednesday or a Sunday.
When the kids got older, my husband would take the kids to my in-laws and they would celebrate without me, but we always had a second celebration during a time when we could all be together. I missed most of my kids' plays, concerts, sporting events. I tried to make up for that by being available when I could, even when it meant going on less than 2 hours of sleep so I could attend daytime functions.
I work nights because nights are more family-friendly than days. By working nights, I could be more available to see my kids as long as I could get by without sleeping. I could answer the call from school, go and get my sick kid and take care of him. This was much easier to do when I was very young and didn't really need more than a couple of hours of sleep.
Every nurse who has kids really must have an extremely reliable back-up person because there are countless times when you simply cannot be there. If you work days and your kid gets sick at school, you must have someone else who CAN leave work, pick up your child, and take care of him. Having a supportive spouse is a big plus here, but you must factor in the very real possibility that your spouse will not be there.
I had a supportive spouse (I thought). He was the one who decided I would be a nurse. Then, because I worked nights, he left me for a stripper because I was not always there to entertain him at night.
You have to have a plan C and even a plan D in case plans A and B fail.
I've had two close friends who had a child that died while they were at work, and they were unable to leave work even though their child died. One child died from an asthma attack; the other died when her ventricular shunt malfunctioned. Granted, this was at a hospital that did not have management who cared at all about the nurses. I'm sure that at my current place, my manager and colleagues would somehow find a way to allow me to leave work if my child was seriously ill. Not all places are as good as this.
Keep in mind, too, that nurses all too often have crappy health insurance. When you have kids, you need good health insurance. This is something to compare when you select a job.
Reading what I've written here, I'd have to say that although I love being a nurse, I would not do it again. Looking back, I should have put my family first, and I was unable to do that. I do love being a nurse, I'm good at it, and it is incredibly rewarding. But every day, I regret all things I missed out on with my kids. I love nursing, but I love my kids more. My kids lost out, and so did I.
Most of my colleagues have one child or two. I don't know any who have four or five. If you had that many kids, nursing would probably not be compatible. Of course it would all depend on how lenient your manager is. I'm sure some places are much more supportive than what I have experienced.

Yikes! I'm so sorry to here about that all happening to you. If you had to choose all over again, what kind of profession would you have gone for?

GooeyRN, ADN, BSN, CNA, LPN, RN · Jan 15, 2011

It works if you have support. If you have a partner who has a bit of flexibility in their work schedule, or grandparent or someone willing to help out on a regular basis, it works. I work weekends only to avoid child care for my 3 kids. DH works M-F. This would not work if I didn't have my dh. I would have to work during the week, which there are no daycares here outside the hours of 7am-6pm. Well, guess what. That eliminates both day and night shift if you don't have someone to watch the kids outside of those hours, since the hours are 7am-7-pm or 7pm-7am. You are screwed if your kid is too sick for school/daycare snow day and you are scheduled to work, and your partner can't miss work either. I think nursing is great for Moms if you work part-time or per-diem around a partners schedule, or great full-time if you have a support system. If you have no support system, I would NOT choose nursing, since you can't miss work when your kid is sick or doesn't have school. The hours are not typical- good luck finding day cares for over night shift, weekends, or heaven forbid you get mandated unexpectedly. Someone has to pick up your kid from school or daycare. Then what do you do? You can't just leave to get your kid and bring them to work with you. If you have no support, I would rather have a typical 9-5 job with weekends and holidays off, where you can count on daycares and you are actually allowed to use your sick time. As a single mom with no support, you will use up all of your vacation time for dr.'s appts, routine appts, and kid stuff, a day here and a day there, forget ever taking an actual vacation.

K nurse-one-day · Jan 15, 2011

I went back to college when my youngest (of 3) was 2 months old. It was hard, but I really did appreciate school more and try harder than when I was fresh out of high school. All that being said, I strongly- STRONGLY- suggest you finish your degree and work for at least a couple of years before you even think about having kids. You have plenty of time.
Most nurses do have kids, and we make it work, but nursing is not generally a family-friendly career. For one thing, you cannot leave during your shift, even if there is a family emergency. (Or if you can leave, it is only because you have a friend who is willing to come in and take over for you AND your manager approves it: managers probably will not allow this if your friend will get overtime as a result.) Even if one of your children were to be, god forbid, dying... you can't be sure you'd be allowed to go.
You cannot leave your patients. It does not matter if you have explosive diarrhea or if your house just blew up: you can't leave because you are legally obligated to stay and take care of your patients.
I once scheduled my son's hand surgery 6 months in advance so I could be sure I'd be off, but less than a week before the surgery my boss informed me I couldn't have that night off, after all. So my husband was there while my son had surgery, but I was not.
When my other son broke his leg, I had to leave him in others' hands because I had no choice but to go to work. The only other option would be to quit my job, which we could not afford. (You can't just call in sick, unless you work for a place with an extremely lenient policy.)
Nor could we pay for the broken leg without my insurance, which ended up refusing to pay the bill for 2 whole years because we did not get permission ahead of time to take the son whose leg was broken to the ER. It turns out that you can't take your kid to the ER without permission even if he has a severely broken bone; I didn't know that at the time.
When my mom had a near-fatal MI (heart attack) I could not go to her bedside, because I had to work. That's the breaks. Fortunately my mom didn't die then, but if she had I could not have been there with her.
You will work holidays. You will work MOST holidays. When my kids were very small, I could handle this by holding our family holiday on whichever day I didn't work. A four-year-old probably won't know it's really December 24th when he opens his presents or if Thanksgiving is on a Wednesday or a Sunday.
When the kids got older, my husband would take the kids to my in-laws and they would celebrate without me, but we always had a second celebration during a time when we could all be together. I missed most of my kids' plays, concerts, sporting events. I tried to make up for that by being available when I could, even when it meant going on less than 2 hours of sleep so I could attend daytime functions.
I work nights because nights are more family-friendly than days. By working nights, I could be more available to see my kids as long as I could get by without sleeping. I could answer the call from school, go and get my sick kid and take care of him. This was much easier to do when I was very young and didn't really need more than a couple of hours of sleep.
Every nurse who has kids really must have an extremely reliable back-up person because there are countless times when you simply cannot be there. If you work days and your kid gets sick at school, you must have someone else who CAN leave work, pick up your child, and take care of him. Having a supportive spouse is a big plus here, but you must factor in the very real possibility that your spouse will not be there.
I had a supportive spouse (I thought). He was the one who decided I would be a nurse. Then, because I worked nights, he left me for a stripper because I was not always there to entertain him at night.
You have to have a plan C and even a plan D in case plans A and B fail.
I've had two close friends who had a child that died while they were at work, and they were unable to leave work even though their child died. One child died from an asthma attack; the other died when her ventricular shunt malfunctioned. Granted, this was at a hospital that did not have management who cared at all about the nurses. I'm sure that at my current place, my manager and colleagues would somehow find a way to allow me to leave work if my child was seriously ill. Not all places are as good as this.
Keep in mind, too, that nurses all too often have crappy health insurance. When you have kids, you need good health insurance. This is something to compare when you select a job.
Reading what I've written here, I'd have to say that although I love being a nurse, I would not do it again. Looking back, I should have put my family first, and I was unable to do that. I do love being a nurse, I'm good at it, and it is incredibly rewarding. But every day, I regret all things I missed out on with my kids. I love nursing, but I love my kids more. My kids lost out, and so did I.
Most of my colleagues have one child or two. I don't know any who have four or five. If you had that many kids, nursing would probably not be compatible. Of course it would all depend on how lenient your manager is. I'm sure some places are much more supportive than what I have experienced.

I think I speak for all moms when I say, if my kid was dying, work is gonna be the least of my concern. I can't envision someone telling a mother whos child just died that they have to stay at work, and the mother actually listening to them an staying. If my kid died, work would not even be an issue b/c I'd be locked in a mental institution for the rest of my life.

RNKPCE · Jan 15, 2011

HollyHobby I am glad I don't work where you work or worked. My work is very flexible. If my child needed surgery I'd be given the time off even with 2 days notice let alone 6 months notice. If a nurse's child died and she had to stay at work, let me tell you talk about unsafe to the patients and cruel to the employee.

Back to the original poster. I have found nursing to be very family friendly. I worked for 3 years before having kids. I switched to evening shift when we had kids. I worked 3 days a week, 8 hour shifts, my mother watched the kids for a couple hours the 2 weekdays I worked until my husband got home around 4:30. The other day of the week was my weekend day so husband was home. My husband never watched the kids, like I hear some mom's say he was just being a parent and a good one at that. After my second kid I cut back to 2, 8 hour shifts a week.

I have been fortunate to not miss many event. I had a lot of seniority by the time big events like dances, graduations happened. I also tended to be willing to work holidays such as New years eve that my single counterparts preferred to have off.

Now all this would have been different as a single parent. There is no way I could do what I did. Who'd watch my kids from 3p until midnight. I'd say hospital nursing would be hard as a single parent. Daycare is much easier to find when it is 40 hours a week business hours.

So the answer is yes nursing can be family friendly it depends on the type of job, the individual nurse's circumstances and support system.