"Poor Thing!"

[Emergent, RN]

The other day another day another nurse was assisting me placing a foley on a pathetically annoying and needy patient. Yes, she was really sick, but according to the sweet church ladies who accompanied her, it's from total self neglect, stubbornness, drinking large quantities of vodka and orange juice and eating an unhealthy diet.

The woman was focused on getting her next pain pill, that was her first demand on arrival. She told me to call her PCP, that she'd get it for her.

So I'm putting in the foley, and the other nurse says "Poor thing!".

Basically, when another nurse says that about a patient I want to punch them. It sounds like you're talking about a dog that got hit by a car. And, I'd really like to work with people who aren't trying to win 'Most caring and non-judgmental nurse of the year' award.

Don't get me wrong, I have great bedside manner and a lot of patience when it comes to irritating, demanding patients. But I am a realist, not a Pollyanna. The goodie two shoes of the world annoy me.

[Daisy4RN]

Don't be shy now, tells us how you really feel, LOL!!?

I have been both those nurses at times, sometimes feeling really bad for people even though it was their own poor choices that brought them there, and sometimes just so sick of dealing with people who come in demanding anything and everything they can think of including demanding to stay "one more day" even though there is no medical reason (and they are not paying the bill so no worries there on their part). I must admit to getting more jaded over the years with everything I have seen/experienced and have little patience for needy types (who have no reason). I also have met patients who have kept my thought process in line with which I attempt to try to stay, actually caring about those people that we might otherwise be tempted to judge. One lady comes to mind in the last hospital I worked at. We had many drug patients and those who would just stick themselves anywhere (and I do mean anywhere, but that's a different thread) they could to "use", this particular lady had stuck herself many times in the abd. and had infections everywhere. Unlike most I had encountered she was very nice and polite. I had her for a few days and she told me her story, she also only used her abd bc she lived in a trailer park and didn't want her neighbors to know her secret. I don't know what gets people to this point but it is just sad. Bt I agree that they can also be highly annoying! I think the older I get the more I can see how people get themselves into these messes, and although most (that I have encountered) are those with bad attitudes, just "fix me" (after years of not taking care of themselves), just mad at the world and everyone that is trying to help there are still some that appreciate the care even though they know it was their own fault. Hard as it may be at times, I try to focus on that so I don't get to cynical! (Hopefully it is not too late!)

From some of your other posts I think you are also a mix of the 2 and I think that is a good thing!!

[pixierose, BSN, RN]

Don’t keep it all in, Emergent ☺️.

No, I hear you. Like Daisy said, I’m both of those nurses - sometimes within the same shift. These patients, bringing more frustration than misery upon others, can bring such misery upon themselves. I couldn’t live like that. So I have great compassion for them in that aspect.

Doesn’t mean I don’t silently mouth the occasional “oh ffs” when my back is turned ...

[Davey Do]

1 hour ago, Emergent said:

I have great bedside manner and a lot of patience when it comes to irritating, demanding patients. But I am a realist, not a Pollyanna.

Instead of a sympathy card, please allow me to make you a realist card, Emergent.

The card could say something like, "You got yourself into this situation and I'm going to provide quality care because it's my job, so shut up."

[Sour Lemon]

1 hour ago, Emergent said:

So I'm putting in the foley, and the other nurse says "Poor thing!".

That sounds very southern and disingenuous, to me ...very similar to "Bless your heart."
It's more socially acceptable than saying, "Hey stupid, you did this to yourself." The meaning is similar, though. It's condescending- not "Pollyanna" in the least.

[Emergent, RN]

5 minutes ago, Sour Lemon said:

That sounds very southern and disingenuous, to me ...very similar to "Bless your heart."
It's more socially acceptable than saying, "Hey stupid, you did this to yourself." The meaning is similar, though. It's condescending- not "Pollyanna" in the least.

I don't live in the South. I'm pretty sure she was trying appear compassionate. She's new to our department.

[FolksBtrippin, BSN, RN]

I am very compassionate with people who are self destructive, but I never say "poor thing." No one needs to be pitied ever.

And I would be highly annoyed if a nurse said "poor thing" in my presence and the presence of the patient.

[dream'n, BSN, RN]

4 hours ago, Sour Lemon said:

That sounds very southern and disingenuous, to me ...very similar to "Bless your heart."
It's more socially acceptable than saying, "Hey stupid, you did this to yourself." The meaning is similar, though. It's condescending- not "Pollyanna" in the least.

That was exactly what I was thinking, southern and condescending. I'm from the south originally and occasionally I have found myself getting sweeter and fake with people that are more and more unpleasant. Maybe it's a self protection to keep me from screaming out what I really feel. I usually notice what I'm doing when I start making my own self nauseous.

[WestCoastSunRN, MSN, CNS]

4 hours ago, Sour Lemon said:

That sounds very southern and disingenuous, to me ...very similar to "Bless your heart."
It's more socially acceptable than saying, "Hey stupid, you did this to yourself." The meaning is similar, though. It's condescending- not "Pollyanna" in the least.

The South does not own disingenuous behavior. And "bless your heart" doesn't always mean what you think it means. But I've heard this same line of thinking plenty -- which is kind of ironic, I think.

But now I'll un-ruffle my feathers and say -- yeah I've been both those nurses, too. But you know what I've learned? I've learned it's easier at work and better for relationships to just give people a break. If someone is habitually acting unprofessionally, by all means -- correct it. But one "you poor thing" or whatever? Our jobs are too difficult to major on the minors.

Not saying OP is majoring on the minors -- I've read enough of her posts to know she posts stuff like this, for conversations sake, I think -- so here's my .02. on the matter.

[Emergent, RN]

1 minute ago, WestCoastSunRN said:

Not saying OP is majoring on the minors -- I've read enough of her posts to know she posts stuff like this, for conversations sake, I think -- so here's my .02. on the matter.

Very true. My posts are observational musings as related to nursing.

?

[dream'n, BSN, RN]

I tend to use "Bless their heart" as more of a way to sound nice about someone else's problems, when I can't say what I'm thinking which is "I really don't give a s***".

But now that the heart blessings are recognized everywhere for what they are, I really try hard to never use it ?

[WestCoastSunRN, MSN, CNS]

1 minute ago, dream'n said:

I tend to use "Bless their heart" as more of a way to sound nice about someone else's problems, when I can't say what I'm thinking which is "I really don't give a s***".

But now that the heart blessings are recognized everywhere, I really try hard to never use it ?

When "bless their heart" comes out of my mouth without thinking -- I mean it in a 'man! what a terrible situation, I feel for them!". When I mean it as "he is an idiot" -- I am using it sarcastically and there is no doubt what I mean. So I use it around other Southerners, bc growing up this is how I knew Southern people to use it -- both meanings and you could tell which one they meant when they said it.

But I don't use it (usually -- sometimes it slips out) now -- bc everyone, not in the South, thinks it a cover for cursing at someone, lol.