Not the arm, the back or the shoulder but the HEAD.
A little background: the head of our division is a 67-year old man who is well respected in his field. He's very kind and approachable and he seems pretty dedicated to making sure the patients get the best care. Whenever they call for something, he goes out of his way to make sure they get it in a timely manner.
BUT, he pats the patients on the head after talking to them and sometimes when he is just saying hello. It's a paternalistic and condescending gesture and I think he does it to show......??? I don't know, but I do not believe he is being malicious. Still I cringe when he does that and I've seen the looks they've given him when he does it. Our population is primarily poor and minority, he cannot be that clueless as to how bad that is but apparently so. It would be easier to speak up if he were mean or rude but this? I don't know what to do, I just had to vent.
I'm 62 and this doesn't strike me as bad, more like an unconscious move he's totally unaware of after all these years.
What I don't like is hearing ANYONE who doesn't personally know older folks like my mother calling her by her first name. She's 89 and she ought to be called Mrs._____. All my life I recall her referring to her best friends as Mrs.____. It's generational.
I call ALL my patients, regardless of age, "Mr.", "Mrs", "Ms". IF they indicate they want me to call them by their first names, I will do so. The exception is when I have a confused patient who doesn't respond to 'Mr' or 'Ms'. Oftentimes they will respond to their first name.
Thing about docs, the patients usually get to choose their doc. So, if they can't stand head patting, they can change. But, with nurses, they get stuck with whomever is on shift. So we need to be more careful.
I agree, can't stand the first name thing with the older folks. I use Mr and Mrs. Honey and Sweetie is totally obnoxious.
even worse are those patronizing endearments, "honey", "sweetie".
grrrr.
leslie
My Mom does the "honey" "sugar" "sweetie" thing. Not to me, to complete strangers. Drives me crazy. I just cringe when I hear her on the phone with the gas company or something saying "Now, honey, can you get this straight for me? You can, well thanks sugar. Alright sweetie I'll hold"..........sounds so patronizing, and she doesn't seem to know this. And this is a very intelligent person, don't know why she hasn't figured it out.
This is so funny! As soon as I saw the name of the thread, I instantly thought about this doctor that I have seen (General Surgeon). He is in Atlanta (where the original poster is from) and I would guess is that age. If so, he is one of the kindnest doctors I have ever had the pleasure to know. I was a patient of his and found him to be extremely caring and he was never condescending. He would talk with me about school nursing and what kinds of things we face today all while taking care of my medical issue. Almost a year later, my father was hospitalized for a ruptured appendix. This doctor was his surgeon. He remembered me and was just as kind with my father (and me) during that time. I just think it's hysterical that I saw the discussion thread and my mind went instantly to this physician.
Don't you think doctor's have eyes just like nurses do? If the nurse sees how the patients sometimes negatively react to the gesture, why wouldn't the doctor? He's got a medical degree and he performs assessments all the time.
I think he means VERY well and it is a part of what makes him a good doctor with good bedside manner. If the patient isn't protesting, then the nurse should not either. Now, if patient mentions something to the nurse about it, then I would talk to the doctor about it, but never when there is no official verbal complaint from the patient or family members.
To approach the doctor about such a thing, and the like, would be more about personal preference about appropriateness than necessity (in my opinion).
Specializes in Mental Health, Emergency, Surgical.
It sounds to me like this doctor is very genuine and it is a sign of his generation HOWEVER seeing as patients have complained to you, I think it would be worth kindly taking the man aside and pointing this out to him but only if you can do it without offending him.
As for me, I wouldn't appreciate a pat on the head, it would say to me that the doctor is fobbing me off in a way. But move that pat a few inches to the shoulder or back and I would probably take it the way it's meant; as reassurance and a "you'll be right" or whatever it is he's trying to say.
If he really is that understanding, he won't take offence. You could make a joke out of it somehow, and put it down to cultural and generational factors without laying blame. This would take a very skillful person to say this without him taking it the wrong way, though.
leslie :-D
11,191 Posts
it also drives me nuts when young, doogie-howser md's walk in and greet us experienced, sophisticated nurses with "good morning, young ladies".
i'm 48.
enough said.
leslie