Not the arm, the back or the shoulder but the HEAD.
A little background: the head of our division is a 67-year old man who is well respected in his field. He's very kind and approachable and he seems pretty dedicated to making sure the patients get the best care. Whenever they call for something, he goes out of his way to make sure they get it in a timely manner.
BUT, he pats the patients on the head after talking to them and sometimes when he is just saying hello. It's a paternalistic and condescending gesture and I think he does it to show......??? I don't know, but I do not believe he is being malicious. Still I cringe when he does that and I've seen the looks they've given him when he does it. Our population is primarily poor and minority, he cannot be that clueless as to how bad that is but apparently so. It would be easier to speak up if he were mean or rude but this? I don't know what to do, I just had to vent.
Specializes in Case mgmt., rehab, (CRRN), LTC & psych.
I would hate being patted on the head. I didn't mind being patted on the head when I was a student in elementary school, but receiving one would really tick me off in my adult life.
Another thing that really annoys me is to hear the comments, "At a girl!" or "Good girl!" or "Hello, girls!" from a middle-aged or elderly person. I think that some of you know where I am going with this discourse...
I'd rather be patted on the head then what happened to my patient last night. A little history, 17 year old gun shot wound to the leg. Ortho doc comes in and starts being rough on the poor kid's let. Kid says "take it easy!". Doc, "Don't blame me, I'm not the one that shot you." What?! Thinking it, ok, but speaking that? No way!~
I too think it is a generational thing. He doesn't mean anything bad by it. Maybe he just needs someone to explain to him that these days people don't feel about this patting like they did in previous times. I think he means it as a sign of caring which, from your description of him, many other docs could learn a few things. I'm sure that if someone told him his patients felt like dogs when he pats them on the head he would be completely shocked.
It does seem like he really has no clue on how this could be perceived by the patient. I think it would bug me so much that I would have to talk to him about it.
Not the arm, the back or the shoulder but the HEAD.
A little background: the head of our division is a 67-year old man who is well respected in his field. He's very kind and approachable and he seems pretty dedicated to making sure the patients get the best care. Whenever they call for something, he goes out of his way to make sure they get it in a timely manner.
BUT, he pats the patients on the head after talking to them and sometimes when he is just saying hello. It's a paternalistic and condescending gesture and I think he does it to show......??? I don't know, but I do not believe he is being malicious. Still I cringe when he does that and I've seen the looks they've given him when he does it. Our population is primarily poor and minority, he cannot be that clueless as to how bad that is but apparently so. It would be easier to speak up if he were mean or rude but this? I don't know what to do, I just had to vent.
At 67 you need to look at his life and all of the thimgs he has seen and done. You should also give him his due , just because he is older and a little different approach to life. This may work quite well for him.
Specializes in ER, Occupational Health, Cardiology.
At age 67, there is no telling just what kind of bedside manner (if any) he was taught in medical school. The pat may have been a reassuring and/or benevolent thing that developed over the years, or that was taught to him.
As several others have said-if that is the worst thing he does, he could do it to me fer shure if I was his pt!
I'm 62 and this doesn't strike me as bad, more like an unconscious move he's totally unaware of after all these years.
What I don't like is hearing ANYONE who doesn't personally know older folks like my mother calling her by her first name. She's 89 and she ought to be called Mrs._____. All my life I recall her referring to her best friends as Mrs.____. It's generational.
What I don't like is hearing ANYONE who doesn't personally know older folks like my mother calling her by her first name. She's 89 and she ought to be called Mrs._____.
even worse are those patronizing endearments, "honey", "sweetie".
Specializes in FNP, Peds, Epilepsy, Mgt., Occ. Ed.
I doubt he means to be anything but caring, as it sounds as if he's a really caring person. I do agree that it's largely generational.
I personally wouldn't have a problem with it.
However, it might be a good idea for someone to take him aside and explain that some patients may take his gesture the wrong way. Sooner or later, someone will take great offense and put in an official complaint. (Some people make a career of taking offense).
I think it would be far less hurtful for him to have someone explain this to him now than when there's some sort of complaint, or even threatened lawsuit. (It's my belief that some folks will sue over absolutely anything).
Specializes in FNP, Peds, Epilepsy, Mgt., Occ. Ed.
even worse are those patronizing endearments, "honey", "sweetie".
grrrr.
leslie
That's one of my pet peeves, too. I also grew up calling adults Mr./Mrs./Miss/Aunt/Uncle (southern upbringing, had lots of honorary relatives) and the first name thing and the endearments just drive me up a wall. I will occasionally call an older person by the first name if there are dementia issues and the person responds better to the first name, but I don't do it habitually.
Occasionally I'll get a waitress or whatever who does the "honey" "sweetie" thing and I'm always tempted to start calling her "darlin'" to see if she gets it.
The only time I've really been offended was when an office nurse told me that she needed me to "tee-tee in this cup." I was already a nurse at that time and it just really rubbed me the wrong way!
i would hate being patted on the head. i didn't mind being patted on the head when i was a student in elementary school, but receiving one would really tick me off in my adult life.
another thing that really annoys me is to hear the comments, "at a girl!" or "good girl!" or "hello, girls!" from a middle-aged or elderly person. i think that some of you know where i am going with this discourse...
anyway.
TheCommuter, BSN, RN
102 Articles; 27,612 Posts
I would hate being patted on the head. I didn't mind being patted on the head when I was a student in elementary school, but receiving one would really tick me off in my adult life.
Another thing that really annoys me is to hear the comments, "At a girl!" or "Good girl!" or "Hello, girls!" from a middle-aged or elderly person. I think that some of you know where I am going with this discourse...