phone calls no outsider would believe

[JBudd]

Got a call the other night, demanding to know if a man could still have an erection when he was dead, if it happened automatically.

I told him that was not something I was going to answer, he demanded to know why I didn't know, wasn't I a nurse??!! Go get another nurse!!

Told him again, this is not something I was going to discuss with him, so he told me he would be reporting me to both our local newspapers!

What's yours?

[redding-er-rn]

I always get theses wierd phone calls on the nights of full moons. I think the same person calls as I am recognizing the voice. The latest is a lady who called (obviously psych) who said she was seen and the ER doc said she was crazy and had mental health come pick her up. She called to say that "I am not crazy and I have these parasites that come out of my nose and butt and they look like spaghetti!" Well, I automatically think round worms (not unheard of) and told her she should see her doctor or come in to get checkked if she was concerned. She then went on about the worms that are crawling out of her skin and that there was a beacon running across her living room that was telling her she was going to die....Wish I could have figured out where she was calling from because she definately needed an evaluation and possibly a 72 hour hold...

[nursebrandie28, BSN, RN]

I once talked a woman through a trauma assessment on a cat.

THAT IS HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I showed the whole ER and we are still laughing....

the question::

did the cat make it?

[GardenDove]

A woman called our hospital at 3 AM on a weekend. She told me that she had given birth here over 30 years ago, and wanted to know if I could retrieve the records, as she was looking for her daughter now, who she had given up for adoption

[damarystx]

Our telephone triage once got a call from someone asking if they should clean their eyes out with soap because they thought they had pink eye....ouch!

[33-weeker]

Our telephone triage once got a call from someone asking if they should clean their eyes out with soap because they thought they had pink eye....ouch!

Actually...

At the very first signs of it, if you wash your eyelashes well with a couple drops of (tearless) baby shampoo and rinse, you can often stop from getting a full-blown infection. This per my friend's eye doctor. My RN friend has 7 children and claims that works.

Another cure is fresh breastmilk dripped into the affected eye(s) a few times a day.

[LMPhilbric]

OK, this was the nurse call that convinced me not to ever take a nurse call again.

Voice on the other end of the phone: Yes, I take 5 mg of Aricept at night, and I took my pill, and then I got a long phone call and when I hung up, I couldn't remember if I had taken my Aricept, so I took another pill, then I remembered that I had already taken it. What should I do?

Me (thinking to myself) - Take another one because obviously it isn't working very well.

As I'm trying to formulate a professional response to this question, the person says "The last time I did this [Oh, you have a history of this, do you?], they referred me to the line for people who poison themselves."

Me: You know, that's the best idea I've heard in a long time. Let me get you the number.

Join me, my fellow ER nurses, for my new seminar "Suicide -- Doing it right the first time." With my best friend, the author of the best selling books "Tylenol -- The Lost Art" and the follow up "Motrin - try it! It works!"

:rotfl:

[NicoleRN07, RN]

I had a call one night from a distraught mother of a 14 year old girl who stated she had caught her daughter in the bed with an older man, and she was wondering if she brought her to the ER could we "clean her out real good, so she'd be a virgin again, and if it wasn't too much trouble, could we tell her how long she's been active"

I also answered a call one night from a man, who had "high blood" and wanted to be seen, but he didn't drive and couldn't pay for a cab, and was wondering if I could pick him up in about 20 minutes, and proceeded to give me his address.

[AliRae]

wasn't exactly a phone call, but we had a girl in our ER whose dx was listed in the computer as "ran away from home for 3 days, mom wants to know if still a virgin"

you can't make this stuff up.

[txspadequeenRN, BSN, RN]

I don't work in ER but I love this thread!!!!!!!

[JeanettePNP, MSN, RN, NP]

Actually...

At the very first signs of it, if you wash your eyelashes well with a couple drops of (tearless) baby shampoo and rinse, you can often stop from getting a full-blown infection. This per my friend's eye doctor. My RN friend has 7 children and claims that works.

Another cure is fresh breastmilk dripped into the affected eye(s) a few times a day.

I had pinkeye last year while I was still nursing and tried the breastmilk cure, but it didn't work.

[DOBOY]

Caller: I took 2 Tylenol PM and they are making me fall into a deep sleep.

Me: Yes that's what they are for to help you sleep

Caller: But I didn't want a deep sleep, I just wanted to rest a little

(I am trying not to laugh at the woman who I can tell is only about half awake)

Caller: I can feel my eyes roll in the back of my head when I close my eye

Me: Ma'm I think it best you just go to sleep, but if you feel the need you can come to the ER, but have some one else drive you.

The best part the same person calls back about 10 minutes later and talks with another nurse. When I found out she was on the phone again I had the PA pick up the phone. He answers insomnia hot line. He then tells the lady to go to bed and sleep it off.

[Fuzzy]

Ihad one over the weekend. A petowner called and said that her dog was sick. She didn't have the money to bring it in. She asked if her blood pressure pills would cause the dog to die. I was taken aback by that one. I told her that I didn't know much about human medication. Recommended that she have the dog properly euthanized if that was her choice.

Fuzzy