Not too long ago I started a thread about what to say to patients who were anxious and depressed. I received a lot of great comments and advice but, I now ran into another issue tonight which has to do with the topic of this thread.
I went into this mans room and asked if he needed anything. He said he would like some ice water and juice and I got it for him. After I asked if he needed anything else he said yes, forgiveness. Naturally I asked what he wanted forgiveness for. He began to say that he was talking to the hospital chaplain and then started to go into his family life and some of his own. It was a pretty normal conversation until he mentioned that he did something really stupid back in the 70's and that's what he wanted forgiveness for. He said he tried to molest his daughter but stopped just in time. He then began to go on about how beautiful and smart this daughter was. I was just dumbfounded. The only thing that saved me was there was a fire drill at that moment and I had to leave to help close the doors.
I understand that working in the hospital you deal with all types including the most foul wastes of life but, they still need care. I just abhor child molesters and after hearing that I found it hard to care about anything that happened to this man. Now I don't want anyone to think that as a future RN if I ran into this situation again I would purposely cause harm to a patient with a twisted past because I wouldn't. I think I would just perform care without caring.
How do you handle patients like this if you know they committed horrible things? Have any patients confessed things to you that were unsettling?
P.S I would also like to give my deepest thanks to all who work with children and have to care for those who have suffered through things like molestation and abuse. How your hearts must ache some days.
Specializes in Critical Care, ED, Cath lab, CTPAC,Trauma.
Frankly, I'd be irritated that he was trying to dump his guilt onto me. I would tell him I'm not in the business of judging and his personal past issues have nothing to do with his current medical care. I'd also state that whomever or whatever he believes as far as his maker will be the judge, not me. Then I'd find a nice 16 gauge needle for his next IM injection.
HA! I just spit coffee all over my lap top! :lol2:
My stock response: "I'm going to honest with you, I'm uncomfortable with our discussion. While I am glad you feel able to discuss this with me, I am most decidedly *not* the person who will be able to offer you the assistance you need. I can, however, get those people here now." In my hospital, it is a nursing action to initiate a pysch nurse consult, chaplain consult, and/or a social work consult. I usually discuss the options and then make the consults. I do, no matter how awful the situation, try to thank the person for opening up to me. I want them to understand that I recognize it was difficult for them, and that, while I am not the person qualified to help, I can get them in touch with those who are.
I've only had a few situations. Most are drug/etoh/abuse related (as in, they are talking about being abused themselves). Once someone started flashing back to viet nam and he wanted to "apologize for what I did to those little boys and girls." I didn't even go there, just got the consult quick. Finally, one somewhat demented man confessed to being a bank robber in the late 20's/early 30's. I never knew if he really was, just wanted to or heard about it in the paper but forgot that he didn't actually do it, was pulling my leg or what. I like to believe that it was true.
i personally believe that there is a huge problem in nursing when we do not see our patients as being more than a physical body. if we are not cognizant of their spiritual needs, we are missing out on their entire disease process and the means to seeing them recover. i know you can see that in regard to some issues such as alcoholism. yet, we are trained to see that as a "disease." like i said, if this same man had killed or maimed his daughter in a car accident while being drunk because of his alcohol issue, nobody would be treating him like a heinous evil criminal. instead, we would say, "he has a disease." in my mind, it is one in the same problem. both children are victimized by an adult that needs to change. so, how does such a person get out of their problem? isn't the first step from the pages of aa recognizing there is a problem and confessing it?
so where is the pedophile going to go to get help and stop doing what they're doing? not to the nurse. let him go to the pastor, the rabbi, the priest. doesn't mean the nurse can't discuss spiritual matters or listen, but it primarily is not the nurse's role today to hear confessions or privide therapy for things like this. you see how the op reacted. she hates the patient, wants to hurt him, as does the go get a 16 g. needle poster. nurses have enough to worry about and deal with without being someone's confessor/therapist.
i remember that i knew of a man (an acquaintance) who came out of the closet with his issues and everyone around him reacted exactly like others on this board reacted. he lost his family forever. i often thought that this situation was mishandled. nobody would have known had this man not confessed. how are people like this supposed to get help if they can't get help? the world is an imperfect place. sad but true.
not only do they continue to do these things, but they often affect a couple of generations of people. i knew of another woman who had upwards of three children by her father. that is the epitome of ridiculousness in my mind. why didn't that man seek help? the answer is simple. they have no means of seeking help because they know to do so would mean utter ruin. so instead of stopping, they keep looking for opportunities to hurt these children again. i don't follow your reasoning. they hurt again because they have an illness. they don't stop because they are ill, compelled. i think. :)
i think this idea that is permeating nursing of acceptance and being non-judgmental, because it is now big business and god forbid that we should offend anyone, is the most retarded idea to have come down the pike. we can certainly be judging, have opinions. we just still have to take care of our patients properly.
we aren't helping people in terms of their health with that mentality. and like i keep saying, we do have a place where we draw the line. did you know that in some foreign cultures, in particular in the middle east, they are accepting of older men having sex with young girls? my point in sharing that is that they don't draw the line.
i think there is a line way way back at marriage. it makes for healthy people, healthy societies, and healthy families and children. what we really need is a to learn how to speak about those things with people.
I understand that working in the hospital you deal with all types including the most foul wastes of life but, they still need care. I just abhor child molesters and after hearing that I found it hard to care about anything that happened to this man. Now I don't want anyone to think that as a future RN if I ran into this situation again I would purposely cause harm to a patient with a twisted past because I wouldn't. I think I would just perform care without caring.
Romans 3, verse 23 and 24
23 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, 24 and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.
23 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, 24 and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.
there's no place in nursing for interjecting your opinions, beliefs, etc. That is your personal choice, not to put that on anyone else in your professional setting. That alone is judgment.
Specializes in acute care med/surg, LTC, orthopedics.
Romans 3, verse 23 and 24
23 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, 24 and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.
23 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, 24 and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.
:lol2:
Ruby Vee, BSN
17 Articles; 14,051 Posts
it's not my job to listen to confessions or give absolution. i'd call the priest.