Out of control visitors

Nurses Relations

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I work mostly inpatient hospice, and recently we had a family show up with about a dozen kids in tow, teenagers down to preschoolers. Our policy is that anyone can visit 24/7, even pets. Because it's hospice, I have no problem with that because people just don't die on schedule. Usually it's fine. Most parents are almost hypervigilant about their kids' behavior and we often end up assuring them that we understand. This family though....kids roaming the unit, using both family rooms, being loud, and parents mostly ignoring them. After I went and talked to them once, reminding them that they're in a building full of sick people who need their sleep (night shift), it actually seemed to get worse. The nurse (I'm a CNA) went and told the dad he had to get the kids under control, and the dad said, "We can't control these kids! They don't listen to us!"

:banghead::banghead::banghead:

Ladies and gentlemen.....the future. Weep for it.

At least they left. Poor grandma and her neighbors probably appreciate the quiet. Yeesh.

Specializes in critical care.

Please do not judge a person's decision to give their child medications for ADHD, and we will not judge you for not medicating yours in spite of evidence indicating medication is the most effective method of treatment for it. I assure you choosing medication is not taking the easy way out, and that assumption needs to get tossed out the door.

Anyway, I'm sorry for the brief hijacking. As nurses, we should all know better. Anyone who actually wants to talk about this more can PM me.

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Children's behavior requires constant monitoring, but that's the parents' job, isn't it?

Perfectly said! I cannot understand those who have children and then don't want to put the hard work in it takes to raise them to be courteous, respectable members of society.

It will never cease to amaze me that you have to pass a test to drive and to do countless other things, but anyone can have a baby and be a "parent". (Yes, I know we cannot interfere with others right to procreate....but I swear it's called for in some cases ?)

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I am not sure that a family with "spoiled" children means the future of humanity is doomed.

I also am not sure it is this up and coming generation we should pin it on. Who's raising these kids? My generation. We're to blame. And y'know what? Why are we like this? Baby Boomers being self-indulgent and adoring Dr. Spock's version of child-rearing. And then, why were they like that? They were rebelling against the hard, dour upbringing of the folks who lived through the Great Depression and the last World War.

So I think, we could stop playing the blame game.

Also, a restricted diet and all the environment changes in the world cannot "fix" neurochemical imbalances. I do not appreciate people lumping my child's very real neuro condition with people who won't raise their children to respect others. Thanks.

Just like DM II can sometimes be controlled with diet and exercise vs oral meds vs insulin, we don't judge a person by which therapy they will need. Let's not start judging folks, kids even, for a condition they were born with. Good grief.

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My friend has 11 kids. They are all so well mannered. Her house is always clean. She bakes bread, cans jam, raises chickens and goats. It is NOT easy especially since a couple have special needs (heart problem for one required multiple surgeries and major developmental delay, and the youngest is on the spectrum receiving special care as well) I'm sure there are days when it is overwhelming but when ever her kids are out in public they are well behaved and the older ones take care of the younger ones. Everyone is very respectful of each other. It's awe inspiring.

I feel sorry for those parents because they sound totally overwhelmed. Hopefully it was a very bad day.

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Specializes in Pediatrics, Emergency, Trauma.
It just appalls me that this parenting style is considered "old-fashioned" nowadays. I'm just 20 but I can't imagine NOT raising my kids with manners (which is what this is, really) in the future.

THIS.

Manners and tact is certainly NOT out of style... :no:

Had a similar situation at my facility; mom was visiting child; has numerous children; one night there was one, next night added another one-no status on the other multiple children that at least need parental supervision, but I digress....total four people in one room; with enough space of an old fashioned dorm or a NY small studio apartment. :cheeky:

Mom states to me "why is it so quiet here?" I tactfully responded "because parents and family don't stay here." :blink:

And yes, I still have my job. ;)

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Specializes in LTC Rehab Med/Surg.

My sister, who's not a nurse, frequently reminds me that our grandchildren's generation will take care of us when we're old.

She also reminds me they'll be running the country.

We both shudder in horror at the thought.

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Not from me malamud. I've got a ten year old son that many parents would have medicated years ago, but from us he mostly gets what you describe. I love him and his goofy genius, his creativity and his energy, but like the rest of us, he has to learn to rub off some of the rough edges. We're doing it the hard way to be sure, but I believe the long term dividend will be worth it.

Be careful. My family has a lot of ADHD and other psych issues that need medication. My youngest brother was given the hard discipline treatment for his ADHD and ended up self medicating with alcohol, food, and street drugs because he never felt "good enough" for my parents. He learned to sit through class, though.

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My sister, who's not a nurse, frequently reminds me that our grandchildren's generation will take care of us when we're old.

She also reminds me they'll be running the country.

We both shudder in horror at the thought.

Right, because we are doing such a bang-up job ourselves.

The Greatest Generation wrung their hands over the Baby Boomers. Such is life.

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Sigh… it's so hard to raise kids… everyone thinks they are an expert. Kids need love AND forgiveness because they aren't 'done' when they're 5 or 7 or 10 or even 18… We all just need a little grace. Even that family… yeah, they were loud and disruptive and possibly rude and disrespectful… but they were trying… It may have been a really bad day? Maybe they traveled and were in the car a really long time? so many factors can create a chaotic scene. Parents sounded over whelmed with a poor judgement. Well, they were trying… lets give them points for showing up.

And I for one have NO JUDGEMENT of parents of kids with special needs like ADHD, ADD… whether you medicate 12 months a year or only during school or not at all… there are pro's and cons and variations on needs. Every kid is different. Sometimes, people behave badly but it's not the norm and you are just seeing them at their worse.

I've seen kids that were mommies little angel do sneaky things when no one was watching that were just plain bratty. lol. but mom sure thought they could do no wrong. LOL.

NO ONE IS PERFECT! Not even the nurses here… It's freaking hard to be a hospice nurse so maybe she just needs to vent without everyone jumping all over her case.

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On topic:

We recently had the patriarch of a very large family in my NTICU. They took over our waiting room and the surgical waiting room in the main lobby. They had bags of trash, food, and personal items stacked up against the walls.

They had a newborn, half a dozen small children, and approx. 30 adults. Many were from over 1000 miles away.

Instead of using the hospitality house, they camped in our hospital. They let the kids run around and scream. They stole the coffee from Ambulatory Surgery's waiting room.

They were so bad, security had 4 complaints on them in the first four hours of my shift one night. The family members were even unlocking the main doors in the middle of the night and propping them open.

Of course, racism was blamed for our refusal to let the family camp in the hospital.

Ironically, if the family had been respectful, we would have quietly looked the other way.

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Specializes in hospice.
Be careful. My family has a lot of ADHD and other psych issues that need medication. My youngest brother was given the hard discipline treatment for his ADHD and ended up self medicating with alcohol, food, and street drugs because he never felt "good enough" for my parents. He learned to sit through class, though.

Wow. I'm done.

......and the horse you rode in on......

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I don't blame you for being 'done'. Go take a hot bath and take care of yourself. It doesn't matter what complete strangers say or think.. forget about it!!!

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