Negative feedback is something that we all encounter in our lives, both giving and receiving. Neither is easy and most kind people would rather give positive than negative feedback. There is value in learning to receive negative feedback in a postive way, no matter how clumsily it is delivered.
There's being blunt, honest and plain spoken. There's saying what you mean and meaning what you say. There's giving it to you straight, not pulling punches and there's even being rude or brusque. But none of those things are mean, nasty or hateful. They're a communication style that not everyone is comfortable with receiving, but they're a legitimate communication style, and people who communicate in that manner probably are not out to get you. They're just being straightforward, not beating around the bush and not sugar coating anything. Not every interaction you find unpleasant is mean, nasty, hateful or (and I hate to even bring up the word) bullying.
Most of us would rather receive negative feedback, if we have to receive it at all, from someone who is very skilled at making us feel good while delivering the criticism. Unfortunately, there just aren't that many of us who are so skillful and capable at the art of delivering negative feedback. Some wrap it up in rainbows or sugar coat it until it's unrecognizable as criticism. Others are more direct.
There are definite advantages to working with someone who says what they mean and means what they say. If they're your preceptor, you don't ever have to worry about what they're thinking. You KNOW when you've screwed up, HOW you screwed up and what you need to do not to screw up next time. They're not the preceptor who is blowing fairy dust up your skirt while writing the memo to the manager about how you're just not catching on and probably are not going to fit in or work out.
They're the preceptor who tells you "You got the time management thing nailed, but you really should not have given the Coumadin to the man with the cherry red urine, the INR of 7 and the hemoglobin of 6. Your critical thinking needs work."
(Or, more likely, "Your critical thinking is showing improvement and you were right not to give that Coumadin, but your meds are still two hours behind and your charting is at least four hours late.")
Some folks would like all of their negative feedback wrapped in rainbows and sandwiched in between praise and compliments -- and some of those folks actually hear and process the negative feedback packaged that way. But all too many folks hear the praise and compliments which reinforce their opinion that they're doing just great and the negative feedback just whooshes over their heads.
Those are the people who sign the performance improvement tool, certain that it really isn't that big of a deal because didn't they just tell you that you're obviously very smart and trying very hard?
And then they're completely taken aback when someone calls them to a meeting to discuss their options -- quit, be fired or transfer to a "less acute area."
Most good people, nice people, kind people hate to give negative feedback, and some try so hard to give it in a positive manner that the negative gets entirely lost. Some folks sugar coat the criticism so much it could pass as candy rather than criticism. Some folks are so nervous about giving negative feedback that it comes out far harsher than they intended, or even than they realize.
Most of us can benefit from hearing negative feedback, whether we find the experience pleasant or not. And negative feedback that is given in a direct, straightforward fashion has more chance of being understood and processed than negative feedback that is disguised as fairy dust and rainbows.
Negative feedback is not usually mean, nasty or hateful. It is, if you make it so, a wonderful tool for learning and improving your practice, for making your patients safer and your unit a better place to work. And isn't that what we're all really after?
