Your Favorite one liner used with patients - page 2

I am a student and I use humor to get me through clinicals. Once I told a patient "This is my first time giving an injection on a real live person." At the time it was very funny! The look on his... Read More

  1. by   scaredofshots
    HAHAHAHAHA That was so funny I just woke up the kids!! These are great! I am glad that I am not the only one with a funny bone!:lol_hitti
  2. by   MIA-RN1
    At my former job when I took blood from our adolescent patients, they would sometimes give me a hard time or try to talk me out of it. I just told them that their behaviour was making my hand very shaky and they would have to be quiet to stop the shakes.
    The boys would often wear their pants in the style where they are hanging half off their butts. Whatever minor complaint they came in for (usually a headache or cold symptoms--this was in a school) I would just say that its caused by wearing their pants too low. They would pull up their pants with a look of disbelief and then we'd all chuckle (including the patient!)
  3. by   JentheRN05
    I've said to a patient once while starting an IV on an easy as cake vein - if I miss you get to practice on me Course I didn't miss - in fact he was so scared and so focused on me talking to him about letting him stick me that he never even felt the poke I was taping it up when he realized it was done.
  4. by   CseMgr1
    "What can I do to you, today?" That always gets a smile.
  5. by   JBudd
    I get a lot of people who say "I hate being in hospitals!" I tell them "well they have to PAY ME to be here".
  6. by   matchstickxx
    When I discharge postpartum moms and babies...As Dad is opening car door for mom, I say "So, I'll see you guys back in about a year?" Some of the dads get a little bug-eyed thinking about that...
  7. by   SmileyCNAII
    I like to ask the LOL's as I take their urine for testing, "Do I need to test to see if you are pregnant??" Makes them laugh every time.
  8. by   Sue Damonas
    There was a patient that was going to be discharged and I was at the nurse's station so he came over and said "excuse me, could you call me an escort?". So I looked at him and said"okay, you're an escort". We both burst out laughing!!:chuckle :chuckle
  9. by   HappyNurse2005
    once was checking blood with another nurse, in the patients room. got to the part where i was supposed to read off the expiration date-i said "well it expired yesterday, but i bet its still good. just like day old milk!"
  10. by   vamedic4
    [font="century gothic"]"hi, my name is john and i'm not your nurse, but i play one on tv."

    that gets a chuckle out of the parents...

  11. by   Alloramadai
    I'm a Missouri girl studying in Texas. Many of my patients will tell me I don't sound like I'm from around here. I smile and say, "Am I using too many syllables?"

  12. by   sscathlab
    When I had a patient once ask if he was going to die, I told him on my shift. It was too much paperwork. He felt more comfortable after that good laugh.:gandalf:
  13. by   DoubleblessedRN
    Several years back, working in the ambulances, I worked with another female. Whenever we had a good-looking male pt (or even an older man with a sense of humor) I would ask him, "Have you ever been carried by two women before?" while he was being moved on the stretcher. That one gets a chuckle out of them.

    Sometimes patients also wonder if two women are able to do the lifting that our job requires. I sometimes say "We only drop people on ___." (Whatever day of the week it is.)

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