Share Your Funniest Patient Stories...

Leonca · Nov 11, 2013

One of my favorite patient stories was the time I almost scared a patient and myself to death.

The vet hospital where I used to work runs a rescue for animals pulled from shelters or surrendered by owners. The patient was an 8 year old female rescue cat who had some kind of chronic kidney issue that kept her perpetually underweight. She was also quite timid and didn't like being startled.

We had her in the surgical room where it was quieter, in a cage set over two other rows of cages. You need a little step-ladder to reach it. I was on the Sunday morning shift, going in to walk, feed, clean, medicate ect. while the hospital was closed. I get "Scaredy-Cat's" prescription renal canned food ready and go to open the cage door. The door promptly falls off its hinges. Big heavy piece of metal. BANG! it goes.

Scaredy-Cat flies past my shoulder and since I am hypersensitive to loud noises I nearly jump out of my skin. Luckily she lands on her feet, but then she goes tearing out of the room. I think, "Oh great, there are only 80 bazillion places in this building where a freaked out cat can hide." I close some doors and begin searching rooms nearest to surgery. Luckily I find her in the bathroom down the hall, hiding in a bathtub behind a closed shower curtain. I scoop up the poor, poofed up thing and move her to an undamaged cage.

I was so glad no one was around to see that happen. The door lay propped against the cages for weeks until we could find someone who knew how to get the darn thing back on.

ellaballet · Nov 11, 2013

The other day I was getting a pizza at the place next door to the nursing home I used to work at when I notice one of the residents I used to care for sitting at one of the tables. I go over and greet her and give her a big hug when one of the employees frantically grabbed me asking how I knew her. Thats when I realized neither of her daughters or granddaughters were with her..And she wasn't wearing shoes..Oh boy. Apparently she walked into the pizza place by herself and caused a scene when they wouldn't accept her bingo chips as a form of payment. The owners had already called the cops...I bought her a slice of pizza and brought her back to the nursing home. Worst part of the story is none of the employees had even realized she was missing.....Sneaky, sneaky woman. When I worked there she would put a bunch of pillows under her fitted sheet so when she got out of bed her bed alarm wouldn't go off.

ellaballet · Nov 11, 2013

One night at the nursing home I guess I looked more tired than usual, one of the residents loudly goes "Ohhh Ella, you're awfully sleepy today....What, were you up late last night making mad love to your boyfriend?!" and starts cackling..Stops suddenly and goes "What does that mean anyways...making mad love...I heard it on one of my stories!". An hour later she tapped me on the shoulder and goes "I know what it means! I just didn't want the other ladies to think I was a lose woman!".

wheeliesurfer · Apr 20, 2014

In a LTC/SNF I was visiting one Saturday a new spanish only speaking patient had been admitted the day before. This woman had dementia and did not like to sit in one spot for any length of time. She just wanted to go HOME! She took to walking laps around the inside of the building, as the four halls made a square. OT came to do their eval, and had a spanish speaking CNA translate for her since she was not fluent in spanish. The OT went through her eval and at the end, said she would be back to visit the woman on Monday for an OT session. The woman said "okay, I will be at home until then" and the OT and CNA not thinking anything of it both shrugged it off and said "okay".

Normally, the staff at the SNF know who all the patients are, but since this woman was new not everyone knew her yet. She asked for a cup of water and drank that because it was hot outside, then went for another walk around the building (or so I thought, I was visiting the patient in this woman's room). Come to find out, dressed in her street clothes she walked behind a couple women who were leaving the facility (visitors) and the staff not knowing that she was a new resident assumed she was a visitor and let her leave. She walked over a mile up the street in the summer heat, and just happened to be spotted by a staff member who had seen her upon admission the day before. The staff member called the facility asking "is patient in bed XXXB there? I see a lady at [cross streets] who looks like her." The CNA's all searched the building for her, and asked me when I last saw her which had been about 30 min, maybe a bit longer.

The charge nurse had to jump in her car and drive up to where the patient was and pick her up. When she got back she was not happy, she just wanted to be home, and ended up with a 1:1 sitter. The sitter got the pleasure of walking endless laps around the building, and eventually this lady was moved to a locked Alz facility nearby. She was sooo close to freedom!

AmyRN303, BSN, RN · Apr 20, 2014

Not my patient....but my grandfather. He was in LTC with dementia and he had a favorite nurse that became like family to my mother and grandmother. Grandpa loved her too, in a chaste way, or so we thought, until he asked her one day to marry him. My grandfather was past the point of being able to re-orient , so She told him, "Well, Sam, I'm Jewish. You're a lovely man, and I'm Very flattered, but I know we don't share the same faith, and I know how important that is to you." Not to be deterred, he thought a moment and said, "Yes, Mona, you're right. But I'd convert for you." My grandmother got such a kick out of it. (All names changed)

systoly · Apr 22, 2014

just this past Sunday in ALF

a very proper, 80 some yr old male resident, "I hope supper is as good as lunch"

me,"you enjoyed your lunch?"

resident,"it was bitchin"

it had me in tears

safy · Jun 1, 2014

I am a student currently and have never worked in the medical field, making me easy prey at the clinical site, meaning I have lots of funny(to me) stories.

My first day at this particular lvl 2 LTC clinical, I answered a call light thinking I could handle it. The LOL told me she needed her brief changed. Ok I can handle this, I've done this before I thought. When I unfastened her brief, there was this gray plastic thing between her legs. I thought OMG I have never seen one of these before, does she have something holding her legs apart. I stopped what I was doing, pulled her brief over her, told her I would be right back, that I was going to get some help, and went in search of my instructor to give me some guidance. She comes back in with another student to assist me. The other student suddenly grinned real big, and my instructor had to leave the room she was laughing so hard. The LOL was on a bedpan. To this day I am not sure why they put her on the bedpan and refastened her brief, nor why she said she insisted she needed her brief changed (it was dry).

Next story: I was giving a pt his insulin shot. Just as I was about to insert the needle, I depressed the plunger, spilling the insulin all over his abdomen. The pt blurts out, "I thought only guys had to worry about premature ejaculation."

FranEMTnurse, CNA, LPN, EMT-I · Jun 3, 2014

safy said:

I am a student currently and have never worked in the medical field, making me easy prey at the clinical site, meaning I have lots of funny(to me) stories.
My first day at this particular lvl 2 LTC clinical, I answered a call light thinking I could handle it. The LOL told me she needed her brief changed. OK I can handle this, I've done this before I thought. When I unfastened her brief, there was this gray plastic thing between her legs. I thought OMG I have never seen one of these before, does she have something holding her legs apart. I stopped what I was doing, pulled her brief over her, told her I would be right back, that I was going to get some help, and went in search of my instructor to give me some guidance. She comes back in with another student to assist me. The other student suddenly grinned real big, and my instructor had to leave the room she was laughing so hard. The LOL was on a bedpan. "

:roflmao: That's hilarious!

No Stars In My Eyes · Jun 9, 2014

This afternoon, my 95 y.o. private duty patient with dementia asked me "Would you marry me?" I said, "WHAT?" She repeated it. I said, "Um, well, considering I'm a woman who has been married to the same man for 25 years and have no plans to change that arrangement, and I'm not particularly interested in marrying another woman, the answer would be, no." She said, " I've been thinking about it and I think you should consider it. I think it would be a good idea." Again, I told her I was already married, and I was respectfully declining her offer. She told me I should just keep it in mind. I then excused myself to the ladies room, so I could laugh. I gave her about 5 minutes, thinking that because of her short-term memory loss and frequent inability to remember things for very long, that when I went back in the room, it would be water under the bridge. No such luck,because the first thing she said tome when I returned was, "Well, have you considered marrying me?"

This, in all my years of experience, is the first marriage proposal I have ever received!

emergency_love · Jun 9, 2014

diane227 said:

I had a guy come to triage complaining of painful urination. He did not speak very much English. With my broken Spanish I tried to explain to him how to get a clean catch urine. I told him to clean the head of his member and then urinate in the cup. A few minutes later the registration clerk and I looked out in the waiting room and saw the man sitting with his cup of urine and his face pained a sort of dark yellow color. He had CLEANED HIS HEAD with the betadine and then urinated in the cup. We had a good laugh.

I would have DIED! :roflmao:

FranEMTnurse, CNA, LPN, EMT-I · Jun 9, 2014

No Stars In My Eyes said:

This afternoon, my 95 y.o. private duty patient with dementia asked me "Would you marry me?" I said, "WHAT?" She repeated it. I said, "Um, well, considering I'm a woman who has been married to the same man for 25 years and have no plans to change that arrangement, and I'm not particularly interested in marrying another woman, the answer would be, no." She said, " I've been thinking about it and I think you should consider it. I think it would be a good idea." Again, I told her I was already married, and I was respectfully declining her offer. She told me I should just keep it in mind. I then excused myself to the ladies room, so I could laugh. I gave her about 5 minutes, thinking that because of her short-term memory loss and frequent inability to remember things for very long, that when I went back in the room, it would be water under the bridge. No such luck,because the first thing she said tome when I returned was, "Well, have you considered marrying me?"
This, in all my years of experience, is the first marriage proposal I have ever received!

:roflmao: Did she give you stars in your eyes?

Muser69 · Jun 9, 2014

Cutest little 90 year old kept telling us "call the doctor and have me pronounced dead. All my arrangements are made at (local funeral home"