Share Your Funniest Patient Stories...

Nurses Humor

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We all have lots of stories to tell. I thought it would be fun if we shared a few of our funniest patient stories with each other. :lol2:

Here's mine...

I keep remembering a particular incident a few years back. It wasn't even my patient.

I was heading down the hallway on the CCU unit in which I worked. I was minding my own business, heading down the hallway and I just happened to glance into a patient room...

I couldn't believe what I saw...

An older gentleman, who clearly was having some post-op dementia after open heart surgery....

he was sitting up in the middle of his bed and with knees bent and feet braced at the bed rail for extra support....

With both hands...

HE WAS PULLING on all of his CHEST TUBES with ALL OF HIS MIGHT!!!

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Needless to say, I sprang into action along with all the surrounding nursing staff. It took security along with all of us to restrain this man so he wouldn't hurt himself. Though it wasn't funny at the time....I can't get this picture out of my mind and find it amusing to remember.

What's your story?

I had a patient for a month or so who was rehabing after a heart surgery. She was too large to turn herself in bed or even reach her backside, so this was very surprising for all of us on Acute Rehab at the time. We walked past her room and she yelled for us to come in. She held out her hand and handed my coworker a sock filled with....something. Closer inspection revealed that the patient had somehow pooped INTO her sock! Now we rate something called FIMS every shift based on functional abilities, and since the patient MEANT to have a BM into a sock, we had to count her as independent and continent. :)

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Well, there is a particular story that i always remember and always puts a smile on my face when i remember. I was taking care of a dementia patient. We ask him about his bowel movement and he tells us that he moved his bowel everytime. So i go up to him that day, and asked him " did you have a bowel movement today"? he tells me Yes, i said " did you go to the bathroom"? he says yes, then i said well did you poop or water? he looks at me angrily and tells me " you're getting too personal don't you think? LOOL and he asked me not to ask him anymore because its a personal matter :)

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I had patient who was on bedrest and was borderline incontinent?? I get confused with these patients because you never really know what they need until you get to know them. Anyways, I asked him, do you need anything? Do you need to you the bathroom? I've got a urinal and a bedpan for you? Can you tell me when you need to go to the bathroom? He's drinking water while I'm asking him these questions and then all of a sudden he starts coughing and waving his hand at me saying I'm going to cause him to choke to death from asking so many questions. Lol. I was like okay? So, in MY MiND I'm like well do ya need to poo or what dude? Lol. With the next shift change I informed them...DONT ask too many questions! Haha.

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How many nurses does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: None. They just have a nursing student do it. ;)

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Had a lovely patient who was unfortunately suffering with a bout of diarrhoea, and naturally he was becoming a little raw in the rear, he liked to listen to music most days, well ever cleaned some one up while listening to Johnny Cash's Ring of Fire, the patient, my colleague and I where in hysterics

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Specializes in Intermediate care.

One time had a blind patient (both glass eyes) that I was tucking in bed for the night. I asked him "do you want me to leave the light dimmer on or do you like it completely dark?" He replies "well whatever is convinient for you because its always dark to me." Whoops... just a habbit I guess :)

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Specializes in Orthopedics & Rehabilitation.

When I first started working as a nurse I was reading through the discharge summary after just admitting a double BKA (Below knee amputation) Patient, when I had to do a double take. The MD had written that there were no complications post procedure and that the patient "has been ambulating up and down the hallways without issue." That got added to the book on how not to document! :-P

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This happened to me yesterday. I had a patient who was bought in by a friend because he was acting confused, and he just relapsed after being released from a treatment center. He was going to be admitted to the hospital for confusion and intoxication. The patient, like many alcoholics that frequent the ED, wanted me to make him a sandwich. Like there's bread, cold cuts, lettuce, tomatoes and mayo in the ED. All we have are crackers, and I gave him crackers. I told him we don't have sandwiches down here, and that he would get a sandwich once he gets up to his hospital room, which would happen after the attending physician sees him in the ED and writes admitting orders.

While I was attending to a new patient, the patient comes out of the room and asks a doctor sitting at his station which room he was going to. The doctor actually told him the room number of where he was going to. What the hell? After that, the patient changes into the clothes he was wearing when he came in, and walks out of the ED. When I came out of my other patient's room, I found his room was empty. Naturally, I'm freaking out because I lost him. He could have been outside wandering aimlessly, I don't know. And he still had his IV in; not good :o I go to security to look at camera footage, tracking where he might have run off to. Camera footage shows when he left, but not much else. Then, the unit secretary comes into the security office telling me that the charge nurse of the floor he was to be admitted to is on the phone for me. Turns out, the patient went up to the floor and asked where his room was. And of course, he asked for something to eat.

Needless to say this is the first time I've ever had a patient take himself to his own room.

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Specializes in Intermediate care.
Quote
This happened to me yesterday. I had a patient who was bought in by a friend because he was acting confused, and he just relapsed after being released from a treatment center. He was going to be admitted to the hospital for confusion and intoxication. The patient, like many alcoholics that frequent the ED, wanted me to make him a sandwich. Like there's bread, cold cuts, lettuce, tomatoes and mayo in the ED. All we have are crackers, and I gave him crackers. I told him we don't have sandwiches down here, and that he would get a sandwich once he gets up to his hospital room, which would happen after the attending physician sees him in the ED and writes admitting orders.

While I was attending to a new patient, the patient comes out of the room and asks a doctor sitting at his station which room he was going to. The doctor actually told him the room number of where he was going to. What the hell? After that, the patient changes into the clothes he was wearing when he came in, and walks out of the ED. When I came out of my other patient's room, I found his room was empty. Naturally, I'm freaking out because I lost him. He could have been outside wandering aimlessly, I don't know. And he still had his IV in; not good :o I go to security to look at camera footage, tracking where he might have run off to. Camera footage shows when he left, but not much else. Then, the unit secretary comes into the security office telling me that the charge nurse of the floor he was to be admitted to is on the phone for me. Turns out, the patient went up to the floor and asked where his room was. And of course, he asked for something to eat.

Needless to say this is the first time I've ever had a patient take himself to his own room.

WOW! I hope there wasn't a patient in that room awaiting discharge or something haha.

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Specializes in Intermediate care.

I had a man in his 80s that I had prior to OHS. Sweetest husand/wife combo ever. I adored them. Everyone on our unit did...we spoiled him!! When I heard surgery went well and he would becoming back to us,we all fought over him (in a nice way). I won because I used to "continuity of care" card and I had him prior. So ICU is bringing him down to us. Now picture: an OHS patient, hair all out of wack, tall, skinny man. HUGE thick glasses. Wife trailing behind slowly with her walker. I meet them in the hallway. We are all greeted with a smile and a wave. First thing he says is "THEY DIDNT KILL ME!" (say that loud enough?) Anyway. I go up to him and I say (name changed) "George! You sure look good for just having surgery. If it wasn't for the tubes and the nurses behind you I couldn't even tell." He laughed and replied...."you think I look good now little lady? Just you wait until I get my teeth in." And ended it with a wink. Love it :)

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Specializes in PCCN.

I had a lady who was a very anxious type of person,with some dementia, and unfortunately, she had allergies to most of the meds we would use for that sort of thing. So, talking to her usually calmed her some. She voiced that she wanted to make sure she got all her meds , because ...... She didn't want to wake up dead in the morning.!:wideyed:

I reasssured her that I didnt want that to happen either, and would make sure to get all her meds. Then I had to step out of the room and laugh my behind off!!!

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When I was a fairly young nurse (1-2 yrs.), I got pulled to work in ICU. I was assigned a patient who was sitting up in a geri-chair. When it was time to get him back in bed, I stood in front of him to lift him into bed. Unknown to me, he was sitting on a bedpan and as I lifted him, the bedpan, filled with liquid stool, slid out from under him & sprayed me, head to foot, with the aforementioned stool. This was back in the days of white, nurse's uniforms & shoes & I happened to be wearing a dress & hose. Luckily, the ICU's in the hospital supplied scrubs to the nurses & I was able to change, but I had to clean my shoes the best I could ( stool had run down my legs into my shoes) & wear the w/o socks. That's one of several mishaps, involving stool or vomit, I have had during my career.

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