Funny things you have said but wish you didn't

Nurses Humor

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A few years ago, I was on the phone with a person from the local lumber company. having in mind to ask if they had any tar paper. But instead, toilet paper slipped out.

That remark started the person on the other end's funnybone. In response to my question, he yelled to the help, "Do we have any toilet paper? The lady on the phone wants to know." Then he said, "Yes we do, but it's rather coorifice. What grade would you like?"

Using wrong words instead of correct ones......

"Yes, I would like a Dr.Pecker to drink."

I don't know if Fudrucker's is a chain or not, but is a very tasty hamberger joint, but I'm sure you already figured out "Rudf****r's"

Kentucky Fried Chicken is the same situation. When I was about 16 I said it wrong, my mom almost killed me!

I remember when I was a receptionist I had to mute the phone to ask my supervisor a question. Well I took long to get back to the client and I noticed that the client had hung up. So I said oh well forget it , and I hung up. Well stupid me , I forgot to unmute the phone. The phone rang and I said (the comp name) may I help you? the client on the other line would respond and when I would respond she/he wouldn't hear me. I was like "what the heck"!!!!! and I kept hanging up on the clients , call and call again!!! after about 5 calls did I realize I was muted!!!!! I stood quiet and never said a word:uhoh3:

Then I had a private laugh:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

These are great! Here's mine: I'd placed an elderly male patient on the bedpan with instructions to put on the call light when he'd completed his business. I was at the station when I saw his light go off. Bypassing the usual "How may I help you?" route, I answered the light directly with "Are you ready to get off?" I didn't even realize the implications of what I'd said until my colleagues, after initially looking startled, burst out laughing. Fortunately, so did the patient. :uhoh21:

Specializes in LTC, CPR instructor, First aid instructor..

:chuckle :chuckle Har! Here's my most recent one. I belong to a private group for women, and I'm one of the supervisors. Well, the head supervisor decided I should start a forum on survivors of abuse. I couldn't figure the thing out no matter what, But I finally had a brainstorm. After that, I logged into my email account where there were 6 new announcements about the new forum, and an additional 6 announcements about the book I placed there.

After I deleted them, I wrote a message to the group asking if they felt they were adequately notified. 10_5_136.gif

Specializes in Telemetry/Med Surg.

Egads! so many...but these posts are great.

One very recently--in my micro lab class we were taking specimens of things with sterile swabs and one of the things we had to check for was for strep by doing a throat culture. I was the victim. My lab partner approached me with the swab and before I opened up I asked the professor 'how much of him should I take before I gag'. OOPS. Luckily my male labpartner is a very very good friend and he expects stupid statements from me like this. :chuckle

Specializes in LTC, assisted living, med-surg, psych.

A co-worker reminded me last night of a little faux pas of mine some months ago......

I was being introduced to one of the new doctors, a plastic surgeon whose brochure I happened to have at home, and before my brain was engaged, my mouth was in fifth gear: "Oh, you're much better-looking in person than you are in your picture!" :imbar :imbar :imbar

i asked my pt last night if he knew what year it is; he replied, "1999"

to which i said, "no it is 2002" :rolleyes: :chuckle

may i adapt a saying my husband likes and say... when orrienting a confused pt make sure he is not equally needing to orrient you!:rotfl:

Rotfl!

I work with a male dialysis tech who is very small. Although he's in his 20s, he is the size of a 7 or 8 yr old boy.

He recently said "little prick, here." before he stuck a pt. I couldn't help thinking "Yeah, I bet." :rotfl:

I was working at an inpt hospice, when a pt remarked to the charge nurse what a nice place our unit was. The nurse replied, "Yes, people are dying to get in here."

She was mortified. The pt was gracious enough to just smile. :imbar

Specializes in Renal, Haemo and Peritoneal.
rotfl!

i work with a male dialysis tech who is very small. although he's in his 20s, he is the size of a 7 or 8 yr old boy.

he recently said "little prick, here." before he stuck a pt. i couldn't help thinking "yeah, i bet." :rotfl:

one thing is true. you never hear a woman bragging about how big they are!

Specializes in Renal, Haemo and Peritoneal.
rotfl!

i work with a male dialysis tech who is very small. although he's in his 20s, he is the size of a 7 or 8 yr old boy.

he recently said "little prick, here." before he stuck a pt. i couldn't help thinking "yeah, i bet." :rotfl:

i was working at an inpt hospice, when a pt remarked to the charge nurse what a nice place our unit was. the nurse replied, "yes, people are dying to get in here."

she was mortified. the pt was gracious enough to just smile. :imbar

sorry, i stuffed up the post without giving due credit. here it is again!

one thing is true. you never hear women bragging about how big they are!

Specializes in Inpatient Acute Rehab.
sorry, i stuffed up the post without giving due credit. here it is again!

one thing is true. you never hear women bragging about how big they are!

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

An FP that I am friends with told me that his wife wanted to have at least 4 more children after the one they had at the time, by the time she was 35. Since that wasn't far off I said "Well, you'd better get humping, then!"

He just stared at me. I turned around without a word and moved on down the hall with a beet-red face. :imbar

Specializes in Med/Surg.
I was working in the ER and this man was brought in --post coital cardiac arrest. He was probably about 80 yrs old. Well, unfortunately we were unable to resucitate him. About 2 hours after he was pronounced, the local HOMICIDE team came in and demanded a sperm sample. I couldn't resist the chance to be a wisea** and said, "Good luck. He's been dead for 2 hours. If you can get one then you are in the wrong profession."

OMG!!! My side hurt from laughing at that :rotfl: :rotfl: :chuckle :chuckle

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