Funny things you have said but wish you didn't

Nurses Humor

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A few years ago, I was on the phone with a person from the local lumber company. having in mind to ask if they had any tar paper. But instead, toilet paper slipped out.

That remark started the person on the other end's funnybone. In response to my question, he yelled to the help, "Do we have any toilet paper? The lady on the phone wants to know." Then he said, "Yes we do, but it's rather coorifice. What grade would you like?"

Specializes in LTC, CPR instructor, First aid instructor..
Offered a doctor some Reese's member instead of Reese's Pieces one time. He said "i don't know who Reese is, but i doubt he's willing to give that away. Besides, i have one of my own". Words do not express embarrassment of that level.
:rotfl: :rotfl: They definitely do.
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Offered a doctor some Reese's member instead of Reese's Pieces one time. He said "i don't know who Reese is, but i doubt he's willing to give that away. Besides, i have one of my own". Words do not express embarrassment of that level.

:rotfl: :eek:

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:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: Did she look at you funny???? Har har har.!!!

The poor woman turned all shades of red and politely answered " no thank-you, that won't be necessary">

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Specializes in LTC, assisted living, med-surg, psych.

Once in a while, my mouth will fly open and let words out without first receiving permission from my brain.

A few years ago, my sister and I were window-shopping downtown when, for some reason, I got onto this riff on pink flamingos......you know, the fake plastic ones people put in their yards........which to my way of thinking are on the same decorative plane with paintings of matadors on black velvet and lawn gnomes. "Besides," I went on, "flamingos have to be some of the stupidest creatures on earth---how intelligent is it to stand on one leg all the time??"

Just then, I looked up and saw, only a few yards from me.......a man with one leg. :imbar

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Years ago I was working a floor where we handled lots of cardiac patients, and at that time we posted them on the regular ward (rather than on monitors).

One fellow I had cared for, I had only seen him lying flat in bed dressed in a hospital gown.

When he was standing out at the desk checking out with the unit clerk I saw him and was delighted that he was going to be released. I said to him, "It's so nice to see you erect and dressed!" (Stated innocently mind you!)

He got a funny look on his face and then broke out laughing, along with the unit clerks, to which my prompt response was a deep blush! It still makes me laugh.

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My childrens father participated in a fishing tournament one weekend and arrived home late one Sunday afternoon.

Our youngest son who was about seven ( his sister 9 and older brother 14)

*with excitement in his voice* says," Dad, dad, how did you do?"

and dad replies. " Awesome....... I am the Master Bater"!!!!!! :rotfl: :rotfl:

The 14 year old and I got it!!!!! years later explained it to the other two.

our oldest who is 26 and his siblings still say "Dad is the master Bater!"

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Specializes in Emergency Room.

So many instances, so few synapses firing...

I am (unfortunately) known to insert foot quite often. People at work are usually disappointed if it doesn't happen every month or so.

My worst one was this: One day a coworker was excited about the arrival of her new grandchild. She said that her son and daughter-in-law were meeting him at the airport. Assuming the child was returning from vacation, I said, "what? is the kid an orphan or something?" To which she replied, "yes". I just wanted to melt into the tile let me tell you.

Wish I COULD forget that one.

Just today we were talking about a lab tech who is a boor. Just a wierdo if you know what I mean. So, I'm kinda defending the guy saying, yeah, but he is great at phlebotomy. I said, "he did me once and it was great" Laughs all around!!!

For years after becoming a nurse I would routinely say Ractated Lingers whenver referring to LR. I frequently do the "spoonerism" thing. They can be pretty amusing and very frustrating. I hope it is a sign of great intelligence and not pre-psychosis... today I said, Help me shake this tirt off, instead of help me take this shirt off....LOL

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Specializes in LTC, CPR instructor, First aid instructor..
So many instances, so few synapses firing...

I am (unfortunately) known to insert foot quite often. People at work are usually disappointed if it doesn't happen every month or so.

My worst one was this: One day a coworker was excited about the arrival of her new grandchild. She said that her son and daughter-in-law were meeting him at the airport. Assuming the child was returning from vacation, I said, "what? is the kid an orphan or something?" To which she replied, "yes". I just wanted to melt into the tile let me tell you.

Wish I COULD forget that one.

Just today we were talking about a lab tech who is a boor. Just a wierdo if you know what I mean. So, I'm kinda defending the guy saying, yeah, but he is great at phlebotomy. I said, "he did me once and it was great" Laughs all around!!!

For years after becoming a nurse I would routinely say Ractated Lingers whenver referring to LR. I frequently do the "spoonerism" thing. They can be pretty amusing and very frustrating. I hope it is a sign of great intelligence and not pre-psychosis... today I said, Help me shake this tirt off, instead of help me take this shirt off....LOL

:rotfl: :rotfl: love it. I sometimes create names for people & things. For example: Straight poopers for state troopers, New Hamster for New Hampshire, You Nork for New York, etc. Hust a fun idiosyncrosy of mine. But it's fun.
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That post was so funny gale!

I always laugh when I say the saying that a long time ago friend would say for: You are such a smart fellow, and say "You are such a fart smeller"... lol... it still makes me chuckle.

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Specializes in LTC, CPR instructor, First aid instructor..
That post was so funny gale!

I always laugh when I say the saying that a long time ago friend would say for: You are such a smart fellow, and say "You are such a fart smeller"... lol... it still makes me chuckle.

Another one of my favorites too.
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:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

I worked at wal-mart a few years ago and one day i had to answer the phones, well walmart makes you answer like this "hello thank you for calling you (town here) walmart super center this is (your name here) how may i direct your call" however the girl in another department kept calling me and hanging up i guess she thought it was funny One of the times the phone rang i answered "yes Cortney what the hell do u want this time" long story short it wasn't her and the person on the other end was mad untill i explained and then she laughed

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Specializes in LTC, CPR instructor, First aid instructor..

Another favorite is Mass-ah-two-shits for Massachusetts

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