Funny things you have said but wish you didn't

[FranEMTnurse]

A few years ago, I was on the phone with a person from the local lumber company. having in mind to ask if they had any tar paper. But instead, toilet paper slipped out.

That remark started the person on the other end's funnybone. In response to my question, he yelled to the help, "Do we have any toilet paper? The lady on the phone wants to know." Then he said, "Yes we do, but it's rather coorifice. What grade would you like?"

[countrygonecity]

Well, just the other day when I returned home from work the phone rang and instead of saying hello, I said "May I help you?" (I was thinking that I was still at work, but I was not at work)

And once I went to a department store in another city and I yelled out "oh man, this looks like the grill at ***mart!" And my sister in law said, "This is ***mart!" Everyone laughed and laughed and my eyes were big as saucers! Even the store clerk heard me and they laughed too...for a long time...they just said that I must have been tired. And I was, but I had forgotten what store I was in!

[sissiesmama, ASN, RN]

A local store that sells trailers is named "Cowboy Trailers" in the phone books. One day at work I was making a call for a price and was thinking about something else and got startled when they answered. I stuttered and asked "How much are your 6 foot cowboys", instead of "How much are your 6 foot trailers?" Talk about embarrassing? She just laughed.

Anne, RNC

[iHeartNICU]

I work NICU and was taking care of a baby under phototherapy lights. She had the mask on covering & protecting her eyes. Dad comes in and asks if he can hold her. I say "Ok, lets get her wrapped up and I'll take her eyes off so you can see her pretty face." At this point I hadn't realized what I had said but noticed that dad's face had this completely freaked out look all of the sudden. I asked him if he was ok and he says, "I thought she was just here for jaundice, why do her eyes need to come out and how do you get them out?" I just started laughing as I explained to him I meant I was going to take off her mask covering her eyes....not literally her eyes....words just came out wrong. He laughed after I explained but I still felt bad for making him all nervous. Seriously though, why would I be taking his daughter's eyeballs out. It made me laugh.

[JessieC777]

I was getting a pt back from pacu and asked for her arm so I could take post op vitals......she looked up at me "I don't have an arm". And of course her family was in there and the nurse I was working with as well lol

[oguesswhat]

None nursing related. I currently work at a deep dish pizza restaurant (until I find a nursing job) and after the customers are finished with their appetizers I ask them for their dirty plates and on more then 1 occasion (at least every couple of months) I get someone that asks if they will get a new plate for when the pizza comes...I always reply very matter-of-factly that no you have to use your hands! I love it! Some people get really confused cause I say it with such a straight face. Once someone actually kept a hold of her plate cause she was afraid I would really make her eat it with her hands.

And there are many things I wish I was allowed to say when someone asks me "how many wings are in half a dozen?" :innerconf

[FranEMTnurse, CNA, LPN, EMT-I]

Of all my faux pas', my very, very, very worst was this:

I was earnestly trying to start an IV on a pt who was horrendously difficult to stick. She was in her teens, and she and her mother anxiously observed my every move. I finally located a vein right on the top of her wrist that I thought might work. In my intense desire to not screw up this tiny, precious vein, I asked her to please cock her wrist down a little. (Does anyone see where this is going?)

Immediately she hyperflexed her wrist, flattening the vein out, and I, in all my wisdom, said, "Now I didn't want a hard cock..."

Silence........ :imbar

Oh, wait, I forgot one that may have been even worse. I remember when I was 14 or so, my parents, my best friend, and my dear sweet grandparents, now both deceased, were at a restaurant. My GPs had never been there before and as they looked over the menu carefully, I MEANT to volunteer the (at the time) ever-popular wisecrack, "They're meditating." Instead, I announced to a stunned table, as we waited for them to order, "They're masturbating." :uhoh21: :imbar I have regretted this deeply for nearly 2 decades, and still cringe when I recall it. My only consolation is that they led such sheltered lives that they likely never realized what I'd said.

To this day I have to stop and think carefully before I utter the word "meditate". :imbar :imbar :imbar

:rotfl::hhmth::hhmth::hhmth:

[FranEMTnurse, CNA, LPN, EMT-I]

Last night I took report from a nurse in the ED at another facility about a patient who was on her way to my floor. The nurse said the patient had a "history of multiple suicides". I bit my tongue.

:yeah::yeah:How did the nurse know? Is the patient now a ghost?:yeah:Sorry, I just couldn't resist!!!!!:yeah:

[FranEMTnurse, CNA, LPN, EMT-I]

HAHA, I used to work in a pharmacy, and this one night we were extremely busy, going from one customer to the next. So without even looking up I ask the next one in line if I could help them...she replied "Trojans", and I immediately answer "yes they're over there on the wall", which promted her to reply "No, thats my last name, Im here to pick up my prescription!" I couldnt control myself, all the people in line heard that conversation and tried to hold back the laughter until she left! :chuckle

:chuckle:chuckle:chuckle:chuckleMethinks I would be changing my last name.

[talaxandra]

I work NICU and was taking care of a baby under phototherapy lights. She had the mask on covering & protecting her eyes. Dad comes in and asks if he can hold her. I say "Ok, lets get her wrapped up and I'll take her eyes off so you can see her pretty face." At this point I hadn't realized what I had said but noticed that dad's face had this completely freaked out look all of the sudden. I asked him if he was ok and he says, "I thought she was just here for jaundice, why do her eyes need to come out and how do you get them out?" I just started laughing as I explained to him I meant I was going to take off her mask covering her eyes....not literally her eyes....words just came out wrong. He laughed after I explained but I still felt bad for making him all nervous. Seriously though, why would I be taking his daughter's eyeballs out. It made me laugh.

Just goes to show how foreign and overwhelming medicine is for most people - "I don't understand why they have to take her eyes out, but there must be a reason..."

[FranEMTnurse, CNA, LPN, EMT-I]

I Can't Say The Word Prostatectomy!!!!!!!

What do you utter then in place of it?

[whichone'spink, BSN, RN]

One time in my 10th grade Biology class, one smart aleck student said he wanted to be an adult film star. The teacher replied, not meaning to be snarky, "Well, you will have some stiff competitition". Before she could finish, she realized what she had said and her face turned red as a tomato. The whole class was ROTFL.

At the ED I work in as a scribe, one nurse was explaining to a student EMT from our local community college how to mix the oral contrast that is given to patients needing a CT with contrast. The contrast is hard to mix because it is quite viscous. As she was shaking up the bottle she said "This is just like semen", and we all did a double take. She later said she meant to say "cement".

[FranEMTnurse, CNA, LPN, EMT-I]

I once asked a blind patient if they wanted the light on or off. on that note can they tell if it is on or off. and she told me she wanted the lights off so I dont know

My grandmother was blind, and she said she could tell the difference.