Funny things you have said but wish you didn't

ShelleyERgirl, LPN · Dec 15, 2008

I used to work at a retirement home in the kitchen. One day, we were serving chicken and this little old man came through the line. I asked him if he wanted white or dark meat and he replied that he wanted a breast if it was small. I said, without thinking, "I'm sorry all I have are big breasts" There was dead silence for a few seconds and then the entire line burst out laughing. I was so mortified.:imbar

:chuckle:chuckle Awesome!

meintheUSA · Dec 15, 2008

i used to work at a retirement home in the kitchen. one day, we were serving chicken and this little old man came through the line. i asked him if he wanted white or dark meat and he replied that he wanted a breast if it was small. i said, without thinking, "i'm sorry all i have are big breasts" there was dead silence for a few seconds and then the entire line burst out laughing. i was so mortified.:imbar

:yeah: :up: :chuckle

love it thanks for sharing.... :yeah:

MaraG. · May 21, 2009

I was a student on my preceptorship. My patient was eating peanuts, I could smell them when I walked into his room. Without thinking I said "John, your nuts smell really good!" There was an uncomfortable second or two and we both burst out laughing.

shannieliz · May 22, 2009

I was working as an office nurse in an Ear, Nose and Throat office a few years ago, we had a lady bring in her young toddler to have a sticker removed from inside his ear, apparently he had balled it up and stuck it in there, trying to console the youngster, I said "Honey, it will be okay, when we are all done I will give you a sticker" the mother immediately began to yell "No, please, no stickers!!" I thought the mother was being kind of rude to me, I was just trying to be nice. After I left the room is when it hit me, duh!!! :rolleyes:

At the same ENT office, we were having an especially busy day, and had all 9 docs in house, and only 3 nurses, needless to say the patients were extremely agitated at the long wait, so I assisted a man and his preteen son into a room, flying around like a chicken with my head cut off, I didn't even realize that when I had shut the door to the room, my scrub shirt had gotten caught on the door handle, and popped open ALL the snaps, giving the nice man and his red faced son quite a show (at least I had on a bra:bugeyes:) sooo embarassed I left the room with no questions asked. Thankfully the other nurse was kind enough to take over my room, later that day the Dr. said to me "well, I heard that the free show was the best thing that happened all day, keep that up and we will have to hire more docs to keep up with patient demand:uhoh21:" OMG I was so embarassed!!!

One more story, I currently work in LTC, the other day I was in the room giving meds when the CNA was providing care on a lady that says "help me" repeatedly. The CNA gets down close to the res ear and says "Please stop yelling, it can be annoying to the other residents" the resident, of course says "what?" so she repeated it again. "Please stop yelling, it can be annoying" The resident thought for a minute and gestures to the CNA to come down by her and states "maam, I don't mean to be controlling" we had to leave the room to snicker:lol2:

futuremombabynurse · May 22, 2009

This happened the day of my first clinical...my very first patient, so needless to say, I was NERVOUS. When I get nervous, I tend to forget important things...

My patient was a gentleman who'd been in a MVA and was a paraplegic. I remembered from the chart that he'd had some edema in his legs, and sure enough I could see the swelling. As I asked him about it..."Is there any pain?"

:selfbonk: :imdbb:

Luckily the patient just kind of smiled and laughed, but I had to fight to keep from slapping my hand over my mouth.

nerdtonurse?, BSN, RN · May 25, 2009

I had a pt who was the biggest pain in the tail the floor had had in months. When she didn't have the nurses swearing or in tears, she had the support staff refusing to go into her room and the CNAs saying they'd call out before they came into work if they were going to get her. The pt was verbally abusive, would throw things, was on the phone to the admin rep every 5 minutes. She called me into her room, needing to be put on the bedpan (pt could go to the BR just fine, she would tell you to your face that she was "helping you earn your pay" by asking for the bedpan). Pt would also walk to the room door and stand in the bathroom (same person who needs the bedpan, mind you), and see if she could overhear any of us talking about her. Sweet creature.

So, I help put her on the bedpan, listen a nice verbal tirade on the poor care she's getting, etc., and I hear someone call for me. I go out in the hall, and we've got a really critical pt next door to the princess. The aide had given a bath to a dying pt about a month earlier, who literally died in the middle of the bath (nurses were present, and it was a blessing to the pt that they did pass, but the aide's been a little freaked ever since). I told her I'd bathe the critical pt and she could bathe the princess. Well, I forgot about the princess's "bathroom listener" behavior, and said, "look I'll bath X, you bathe Y, but don't bathe Y to death like you did the last one."

Princess lets out a scream, and is on the phone to the admin rep telling her we're planning on killing her in the bath tub. Her room didn't have a bath tub.

I guess she thought we were going to drag her screaming down the hall to the whirlpool or something.

maybe you had to be there...

happy76 · May 25, 2009

one dark night outside a small town in minnesota, a fire started inside the local chemical plant and in a blink it exploded into massive flames.
the alarm went out to all the fire departments from miles around. when the volunteer fire fighters appeared on the scene, the chemical company president rushed to the fire chief and said, "all of our secret formulas are in the vault in the center of the plant. they must be saved and i will give $50,000 to the fire department that brings them out intact."
but the roaring flames held the firefighters off. soon more fire departments had to be called in as the situation became desperate. as the firemen arrived, the president shouted out that the offer was now $100,000 to the fire department who could bring out the company's secret files.
from the distance, a lone siren was heard as another fire truck came into sight. it was the nearby norwegian rural township volunteer fire company composed mainly of norwegians over the age of 65. to everyone's amazement, the little run-down fire engine, operated by these norwegian's passed all the newer sleek engines parked outside the plant.....and drove straight into the middle of the inferno.
outside the other firemen watched as the norwegian old timers jumped off and began to fight the fire with a performance and effort never seen before.within a short time, the norsk old timers had extinguished the fire and saved the secret formulas. the grateful chemical company president joyfully announced that for such a superhuman feat he was upping the reward to $200,000, and walked over to personally thank each of the brave, though elderly, norsk fire fighters.
the local tv news reporters rushed in after capturing the event on film asking, "what are you going to do with all that money?"
vell," said ole lorificen, the 70-year-old fire chief, "da furst thing ve gonna do is fix da brakes on dat foc*ing truck.

:roll:roll:rotfl::selfbonk:

CBsMommy · May 28, 2009

I LOVE this thread! It's too funny! I have a couple of my "duh" moments I would like to share.

I was 13 and went to the doctor for chest pains. Thinking I was too cool for knowing big anatomy words I told him that my scrotum hurts. I meant to say my sternum. The Dr. laughed and said, "those darn chestnuts"!

When I was 21 I had to have a colonoscopy. Before the procedure my Dr. asked me what I normally ate. I told him a lot of salad and fruit, etc. During my procedure, and under the goofy medicine, I woke up and told him that I couldn't wait to get home to eat a huge plate of enchiladas! He said, "The truth always comes out".

Same procedure, I was still out of my mind under the medicine and looked up at the screen and told the doc that my colon was so pretty and pink. He said that it looked good but was a little overactive. I said, "Nah. It just needs a vacation". The doc told the nurse helping him, "A little more medicine, please".

One more, the day after Easter this year I woke up with severe abdominal pain. When I got to the ER the nurse looked at me and asked, "What seems to be the problem? It looks like a kidney stone". I said, "Oh. I just thought I ate too much Easter candy". They laughed about that until I left the ER. It was a kidney stone BTW. Those things hurt!

TuTonka · May 28, 2009

Too Funny!

Wellll you keep on keeping on like that and you will grow BIG bRASS ONES lolol WAY TOO FUNNY.

Tuonka:coollook:

4hana9 · May 28, 2009

I just finished reading the ENTIRE thread from page one! My God! I laughted my butt off and I'm sure I woke the neighbors up! Thanks guys!

allnurses Guide · May 28, 2009

I LOVE this thread! It's too funny! I have a couple of my "duh" moments I would like to share.
I was 13 and went to the doctor for chest pains. Thinking I was too cool for knowing big anatomy words I told him that my scrotum hurts. I meant to say my sternum. The Dr. laughed and said, "those darn chestnuts"!

Oh my soul! I laughed so hard when I read that. Witty doctor!! :yeah:

meintheUSA · May 31, 2009

When I was 21 I had to have a colonoscopy. Before the procedure my Dr. asked me what I normally ate. I told him a lot of salad and fruit, etc. During my procedure, and under the goofy medicine, I woke up and told him that I couldn't wait to get home to eat a huge plate of enchiladas! He said, "The truth always comes out".

Same procedure, I was still out of my mind under the medicine and looked up at the screen and told the doc that my colon was so pretty and pink. He said that it looked good but was a little overactive. I said, "Nah. It just needs a vacation". The doc told the nurse helping him, "A little more medicine, please".

:yeah: :yeah: :yeah: Gotta LOVE those goofy meds. Once I had a shot and ended up wanting hubbys loving in the waiting room of the X-ray unit...... :imbar